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coping (pg. 5)
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| Orbax |
the problem for me is that I would break up with a girl no further questions asked ... but the wife and kid add so much more depth to that...
especially the kid. I think thats one of those questions where almost no one can help you, they can just support you. |
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| Slylee |
i'm probably one of the most forgiving people i know, but i haven't been cheated on since high school (at least not that i know of lol). so who knows how i'd react now. i'm very forgiving, but more in a "don't cry over spilled milk" sort of way. and having a spouse cheat on you when you have kids is by no means "spilled milk".
i never sweat the small stuff and i can never stay mad about trivial every-day letdowns. but cheating is a hard blow to the heart and ego and trust and just about every crucial and fundamental aspect of a relationship.
i honestly don't think i could take someone back after finding out they cheated. i would forgive them, but not to the point of trying to work it out. hopefully that makes sense. i'm too sensitive when i'm in love and i always give 110% and being cheated on is like a kick in the face. it's worse than that. it ing hurts. i would most likely end things on a very civil basis and might even remain friends after a while, but i don't know if i could work towards COMPLETELY putting it out of my mind, because, let's be honest, that's exactly what you'd need to do in order to move on with them. you can't bring it up later or let it sit and stir up resentment.
forgiving and forgetting go hand in hand. a lot of people seem to forget that. |
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| Xenocreator_PG_ |
Enferno, my posts were deleted because apparently they were retarded (well yah they were not the most constructive posts) :toothless . Neo just did not see the point I was trying to make & he does not understand that humour can help lighten a situation up sometimes. My view was opposed to the other views; which is to not try & work it out with your wife. Why would I say such a shallow thing when you have a daughter to think about? In the short term you have time to grieve. You can make her feel bad for what she did. She cheated on you, this is not the behaviour you want to embrace. Yet you can forgive her, you can do both: make her feel bad, get that chip off your shoulder & then try for reconciliation.
Neo seems to think that our posts in the COR should be for moral support, but as this is a public forum I disagree. The Core doesn't know why she cheated on you in the first place, your relationship is more complicated that we will ever know. Will our answers be fitting to your circumstance if we generalise? Yes & no, though they may clear up some junk in your head. She says she wants to move on which brings up the question: Is she leaving you for another man? My extreme answer was to say " her, take her to court, get full custudy of your child". An acceptable thing to say in a public forum. I also said to keep busy, get a hobby, get active to keep your mind off things. As they say, only time will tell, just be there for your daughter in the mean time. |
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| Orbax |
yeah but what do you DO. forgiving, forgetting, not doing those things...thats mental and has an action...
but what about over the next 2 years. how is that playing out. what about the kid |
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| d-miurge |
| Sometimes it's way better for the kid to be brought up by divorced parents, because a "fake" couple is a source of neurosis for the kid. |
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| Orbax |
| Where is the originator >:O |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by d-miurge
Sometimes it's way better for the kid to be brought up by divorced parents, because a "fake" couple is a source of neurosis for the kid. |
absolutely. kids aren't stupid. they know when their parents secretly want to strangle each other. |
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| Ang ' ela_ie |
Im sorry this is happening to you. Ive also been cheated on by what I thought was a really great guy... I also couldnt eat for a long time. I kind of know what it feels like, but Im sure its on a much grander scale in your situation.
Just keep your head up. Eventually the feeling will pass. Itll be okay. |
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| Masonious |
| quote: | Originally posted by Orbax
Where is the originator >:O |
a) laughing at the joke he played on the CoR
b) not laughing at all |
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| VAR |
| quote: | Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
i have a hard time comprehending that she cheated on you once and now she feels so guilty that she wants out.. If i cheated on my husband, i would feel beyond worthless, but i would still love him and i would be honest with him, spend the rest of my life making it up to him, and do whatever it takes to get his trust and respect back, not to mention trying to keep our marriage together for my kids sake and ours. So i could be terribly wrong (and i hope i am) but like moral touched on, there could be something else going on that she isn't telling you about. I'm a firm believer in forgivness and working problems out, but when it comes to cheating i draw the line when they cheat with no intention to stop. I hope you figure things out, and get some REAL answers, because nobody deserves to be jerked around like that and in regards to coping, when things started getting tough in my relationship, i started to try new things and start new routines that didn't involve the other party. Good luck- |
outstanding post. |
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| wienerschnitzel |
| oh and i agree- it's better to come from a broken home then to live in one. |
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| Spike |
| quote: | Originally posted by Vivid Boy
dude i have a few things i stand for.
one i would never rat on someone. I once took a 1 month suspension from school for being falsely accused but i would not point a finger at who done what.
#2 I would never ever ever disrespect myself by letting some chick some other dude then me forgive her. I know god is all forgiving but i aint god, Im Eric. I have my flaws and pride is one of them. How do you move on? you take it day by day. you keep your mind and your body busy, and you improve yourself in every way you can think of. and when your ready you get back out there on the market and you new chicks and meet new people and you get on with your life. Healing is a time for you to get stronger then you once were. |
right with ya there...i say you should forgive but never forget. lets be honest how can you forget something like that |
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