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Neighbour Plans To Have Cat's Neutering Reversed
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| shanny |
In a press conference earlier this morning Sheila Jackson announced that her neighbour is planning to have her pet cat Slinkie's neutering reversed.
Jackson stated that, "It came to my attention that she wanted to have the unusual surgery done when she asked me if I knew of anyone who performed Feline Neutering Reversals."
It is unclear as to what the exact motive is for why the neighbour wants to reverse the operation, but one possible motive is to breed the cat.
Slinkie (14), had previously been declared as the biggest cat in all the land by his owner, Jackson's neighbour. Recently Jackson discovered that the neighbour had found another cat equal in size and proportion to Slinkie, and Jackson believes that the neighbour plans to breed the two giant Calico's to create a type of "mega-cat".
The neighbour was contacted for clarification but he refused comment, and walked away from reporters with a jacket over his head. Slinkie also refused comment but did emit a large "mrrrrrrrr" as reporters were leaving.
An interesting twist to the story came when it was uncovered that Cat Neutering Reversal surgeries are actually not scientifically possible. |
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| Cosmic Fur |
| quote: | Originally posted by shanny
but one possible motive is to bread the cat.
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plans to bread the two giant Calico's to create a type of "mega-cat".
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See, I'm confused here, because normally your writing does not contain any errors, which implies that you did this on purpose, but then I can't see where the joke is. |
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| Zentac_75 |
| "THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" |
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| nusty |
Earthquake Sets Japan Back To 2147
TOKYO—Japanese government officials confirmed Monday that the damage wrought on Japan's national infrastructure by the July 16th earthquake—particularly on the country's protective force field, quantum teleportation system, zero-point fusion energy broadcasting grid, and psychodynamic communications network—was severe enough to set the technologically advanced island nation back approximately 300 years to a primitive mid-22nd-century state of existence.
"Japan finds itself in crisis, with our society and culture temporarily reverting to a pre-cyberunification era," said Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe, communicating non-telekinetically for the first time in his nearly 150 years of post-cryogenic life. "Though many citizens have been limited to algorithm-based emotion detection, neutron baths, speed limits below the speed of light, and other barbaric inconveniences for over a week now, I promise we will pull through."
Enlarge Image Earthquake Sets Japan Back To 2147
Officer Hideo Shimura (left) and his cloned selves attempt to free quake victims trapped under rubble.
Abe rejected persistent calls to simply reboot the damaged nation, saying that such a measure could result in the loss of vital data, such as Niigata Prefecture and sections of Mount Fuji.
The quake, which was centered in the bluefin tuna–cloning fields near the northwest city of Kashiwazaki, measured bb460.c22/k, or the rough equivalent of 6.8 on the less sophisticated Western Richter scale. It resulted in the first confirmed human or human-hybrid fatality in Japan in over 60 years, and more than 700 injuries. Citizens' protective exoskeletons reportedly remained operational through the first wave of seismic activity and three of the four aftershocks. According to first responders, injured exoskeletons were hastily repaired with antiquated third-generation nanotechnology, while subatomic robots were released into the bloodstream to fix any irregularity they could recognize.
"The earthquake destroyed our connection with the Trinity Flow, the frequency that harmonizes the...you would say, I think, 'computer'?...with the daemonetic implants in our citizens' overbrains," scientist Hiroshi Ishiguro-Prime of the TechnoDiet told Western reporters.
Teleportation of food and water remains at a standstill as technicians in Kobe continue to fix the extensive damage to the eight-million-yottabyte mainframe computer, a four-by-three-inch quantum femtoprocessor responsible for accessing and fulfilling the thoughts and desires of all Japanese.
Enlarge Image Quake victims
Quake victims wander the streets in search of synthetic water and a neural implant charging station.
The United States' offer of $20 million and a shipment of steel, tractors, forklifts, and cranes was politely declined.
The prime minister said that the greatest effort would be exerted on rebuilding the Procross Buster Quasigravitic Lensing Frame, the motive force behind Japan's automated network of roads, aerobuildings, and levitation canals. The total cost of the project, the prime minister speculated, is somewhere in the ë70 trillion range, a majority of which will be underwritten by Nippon Tertius, a transubsidiary civilization in the Haltropic galaxy.
Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of people throughout Japan continue to live in desperate circumstances. Those whose metahabitats were destroyed in the quake are being issued replacements, though citizens are expected to grow them themselves. Kyoto resident Aiko Shunji criticized the homes' reconfiguring walls and blink-controlled climate as "relics of the past" that are "barely suitable for humans, let alone for members of Japan's Glorious and Peaceful Ninth Recension."
"The older generations can talk all they want about the virtues of eating meals in pill form and taking the moving sidewalk instead of the wormhole, but this is just plain deprivation, and it sucks," Shunji, 92, said. "It doesn't help that recovery efforts have been so slow. Why is it taking so long for officials to reconnect something as basic as the Neural Net?"
A man named only as 'nusty' also claimed "It's really hard living over here with politicians that can't figure out how to get this simple stuff up and running again. I hadn't even had to feel an earth quake the whole time I used to live in Canada, Japan should be much better than this."
Abe reassured citizens that the disaster was merely a temporary setback.
"It should only be a matter of days before the Asahi Ultima Crisis chronotriggered reversion engine is once more online," Abe said. "Citizens of Japan, I promise you: Once our folded-space-time technology is again functional, this whole earthquake will never have happened." |
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| Provocative_boi |
NEW YORK (AP) - Another day, another bit of bizarre Britney behaviour.
The cover of the September issue of Allure magazine features Britney Spears posed provocatively in jeans and dark-brown wig, her bare breasts covered by her arms. There are two similar shots inside the mag. She very co-operatively posed for the shots in April.
When it came to sitting for the interview she had also agreed to, that became a much different matter.
"Britney showed up for Allure's cover shoot on time and ready to work," editor-in-chief Linda Wells wrote in an a letter for the issue, on newsstands Tuesday.
"She was entirely unself-conscious: She took off her wig and then stripped down to the waist, for no apparent reason, before sitting for hair and makeup," Wells said. "She was agreeable and co-operative on the shoot and left at the end of the day, followed by a trail of paparazzi."
As for the interview that was to follow, the 25-year-old Spears missed four appointments with Allure interviewer Judith Newman, Wells said.
At one point, Spears put off the chat because she was "delayed by important work in the recording studio," Newman wrote. But, she added, "The paparazzi found her a few hours later at a salon, getting her nails done."
What do you do when you have no profile to accompany some alluring photographs? Newman wrote a first-person essay about her experience trying to track down Spears.
"Britney has long lost her role-model status," Wells commented. "That dream of a comeback seems to occupy an ever-more-distant speck on the horizon."
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On the Net:
www.allure.com
Source
Discuss plz.... |
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| nusty |
| quote: | Originally posted by Provocative_boi
NEW YORK (AP) - Another day, another bit of bizarre Britney behaviour.
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hmmm how interesting. |
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| shanny |
| quote: | Originally posted by Cosmic Fur
See, I'm confused here, because normally your writing does not contain any errors, which implies that you did this on purpose, but then I can't see where the joke is. |
Alas, I've been busted. |
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| Provocative_boi |
| quote: | Originally posted by nusty
hmmm how interesting. |
TOTA is kinda slow today :( |
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| shanny |
Today a popular Chinese food buffet annouced that in order to compete with the new wave of Korean BBQ's that has been sweeping over the city they will be adding Breaded Cat to their buffet.
In the interest of appealing to new customers the owners have decided to add the delicacy at no extra charge.
As an added bonus to launch the monumental change the buffet will be featuring Breaded Mega-Cats. Even though the promotion is for a limited time only, hopes are high for this restaurant owner. |
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| SasH21 |
| quote: | Originally posted by shanny
Alas, I've been busted. |
A real work of a journalist..haha
Now it's all making sense...didn't someone at the demi cruise told me that u go to school for that?:disbelief |
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| Zentac_75 |
| LOL ^^^ That was smooth. |
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| shanny |
| quote: | Originally posted by SasH21
A real work of a journalist..haha
Now it's all making sense...didn't someone at the demi cruise told me that u go to school for that?:disbelief |
Yes, sort of...
I went to school for Radio and Television Arts, and focused on Broadcast Journalism while I was there. |
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