How do you know you're falling out of love? Could constant bickering and fighting and spite be just something temporary, a phase? Or is it the beginning of the end? I think after 6 very happy and 1.5 quite miserable years with my wife (not my kids) I think I'm just about ready to check out. I realized that there's no cure for religion and its like poison, eating away at our relationship. It obviously carries more significance for her than it does for me and these skirmishes are killing me. I hate coming home lately, yesterday I just crashed at the office couch and stayed at work...
dunno. obviously I'll get my share of "buttsexx fixes everything" or "your whaaaaambulance has arrived" comments, but hoping to find some peer advise amidst the usual CORe callousness.
thoughts?
Halcyon+On+On
Obviously, none of us can really tell you what to do, despite us not knowing the full situation; and even if we knew all of the facts, it would be quite wrong for anyone to tell you what your decision should be...
That said, have you considered marriage counseling? I am quite skeptical of most methods of psychology/therapy, myself, but it certainly seems to put a lot of people at ease - perhaps your wife would benefit from it if you had the right attitude and it would help arise some very repressed feelings in the matter. Dunno if this will be good or bad, but the truth is the truth and the sooner you get it out, the sooner you can move on.
If that doesn't seem an option, try speaking with her about how you really feel? Try finding yourself a little more? It's really super common for married males at middle-age to say "I just don't know who I am anymore" and in this not be able to communicate with their partner effectively. Relationships are very much based on constant communication... which some people just aren't meant for in the long run. :stongue:
It would be a convenient thing to blame her religion on your marital problems, as I am sure it is a source of staunch disagreement, but you could try being more accepting of her ways, as could she. It's perfectly normal for married couples to find separate activities to direct their lives while still maintaining good communication skills and it's quite healthy - after all, it's the things you have and keep in common that will allow you to still be attracted to one another, but it's the things you do without one another that will allow you to put up with the other person. :stongue:
Like I said, nobody here knows all of the details of your relationship, just generalizing given common knowledge about marital relationships.
/better than Dr. Phil
//Oh, have you tried crying on her yet? That works sometimes. :p
BTG
when in doubt...do what she wants.
seems to work.
Krypton
quote:
Originally posted by emc^2
How do you know you're falling out of love? Could constant bickering and fighting and spite be just something temporary, a phase? Or is it the beginning of the end? I think after 6 very happy and 1.5 quite miserable years with my wife (not my kids) I think I'm just about ready to check out. I realized that there's no cure for religion and its like poison, eating away at our relationship. It obviously carries more significance for her than it does for me and these skirmishes are killing me. I hate coming home lately, yesterday I just crashed at the office couch and stayed at work...
dunno. obviously I'll get my share of "buttsexx fixes everything" or "your whaaaaambulance has arrived" comments, but hoping to find some peer advise amidst the usual CORe callousness.
thoughts?
SKirmishes over what? Is she trying to convert you?
emc^2
quote:
Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
That said, have you considered marriage counseling? I am quite skeptical of most methods of psychology/therapy, myself, but it certainly seems to put a lot of people at ease - perhaps your wife would benefit from it if you had the right attitude and it would help arise some very repressed feelings in the matter. Dunno if this will be good or bad, but the truth is the truth and the sooner you get it out, the sooner you can move on.
not an option. I suggested it many times, she says "I don't need help, you do". Her own parents (whom she always revered) have 0 influence. Doubt shrink will be able to even make a hairline scratch on that inpenetrable surface. Everyone is totally shut out.
quote:
If that doesn't seem an option, try speaking with her about how you really feel? Try finding yourself a little more? It's really super common for married males at middle-age to say "I just don't know who I am anymore" and in this not be able to communicate with their partner effectively. Relationships are very much based on constant communication... which some people just aren't meant for in the long run. :stongue:
Just in case you were wondering - it is possible to get blisters on tongue from all the talking. I know I had it. We had entire family intervention-style discussion which resulted in nothing. And it ain't just about the problems. See, now that she's found religion she feels the need to convert everyone and convince everyone in the fact that they need Jesus in their life. Bad day - find Jesus. Problems at home - find Jesus. Bad credit - find Jesus. You know, at certain point it just becomes tooo predictable and hardly worthwhile.
quote:
It would be a convenient thing to blame her religion on your marital problems, as I am sure it is a source of staunch disagreement, but you could try being more accepting of her ways, as could she.
Oh, I've accepted it. I just have a problem with trying to get everyone else to follow in her footsteps, including our kids - whom I don't want falling into the same trap. Right now, most of our battles are fought over her need to drag our kids to church, against my will and repeated promisses not to disrespect my views.
quote:
It's perfectly normal for married couples to find separate activities to direct their lives while still maintaining good communication skills and it's quite healthy - after all, it's the things you have and keep in common that will allow you to still be attracted to one another, but it's the things you do without one another that will allow you to put up with the other person. :stongue:
this certainly has a potential, as the area where I notice most impact is that our activities have seized being common. She no longer wishes to go out to clubs, doesn't go to casino, wouldn't watch any comedy that even remotely pokes fun at religion, etc. Not to mention gives me about ing cursing around her. :p
quote:
//Oh, have you tried crying on her yet? That works sometimes. :p
I don't have that capacity, even if I had an onion taped to my eyelids. just one harsh bastaid.
emc^2
quote:
Originally posted by Krypton
SKirmishes over what? Is she trying to convert you?
yup. me, my family, even her own mom. Tells her own mother that she shouldn't watch tv, gossip, and all her health problems are because she does not read bible and pray.
Krypton
quote:
Originally posted by emc^2
yup. me, my family, even her own mom. Tells her own mother that she shouldn't watch tv, gossip, and all her health problems are because she does not read bible and pray.
That's fundamentalist Christianity for ya...
I think a Christian should show their faith by how they lead their lives; and not by how many they convert...
Silky Johnson
Love is tough, man. I've been with my bf for 9 years, and we've had our share of down times. The thing that keeps us together is remembering that we deeply care for each other.
I will tell you, that whenever we fight, it stems from boredom and nothing more. Whenever I have doubts, I just think to myself that my bf is a person that is worth fighting through the bull for. That brings me back to a place where I don't get short fused and am more tolerant, etc.
I dunno if that helps...every relationship is different, so I don't usually like to give advice.
Lunar Phase 7
quote:
Originally posted by jennypie
Love is tough, man. I've been with my bf for 9 years, and we've had our share of down times. The thing that keeps us together is remembering that we deeply care for each other.
I will tell you, that whenever we fight, it stems from boredom and nothing more. Whenever I have doubts, I just think to myself that my bf is a person that is worth fighting through the bull for. That brings me back to a place where I don't get short fused and am more tolerant, etc.
I dunno if that helps...every relationship is different, so I don't usually like to give advice.
Good post.
OrZonE
I remember you writing that you're staying in the marriage mostly because of the kids. From what you wrote here it seems that the environment they're in right now is definitely not good for them. Witnessing their parents constantly fighting makes children join emo-corner. But I'm not even going to attempt to give you advice on raising kids, just something I wanted to point out.
If we go by your account then it seems as everything is up to you. She's not willing to change her point of view or at least accept yours and somehow find a suitable compromise that works for everyone. That leaves you with a choice of either succumbing to her ways or taking off.
As per your title. unless you believe in unconditional love (and it doesn't seem that you do) it's entirely possible to fall out of love. Throughout your time together its very plausible that either one of you may change as a person and the after effect of that may very well be losing romantic interest in your partner or vice versa.
Ultimately, the best solution is to talk it out with her in such a way that she realizes the gravity of your concern and that your marriage is at stake.
