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Individuality vs Sociability: A trivial (but apparently polemic) question (pg. 2)
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| inconspicuous |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
This is something my girlfriend and I have been discussion for a while and, even though it's one of the most frivolous problems I can think of, I find it incredible that our opinions are diametrically opposed.
If you're in a social gathering, should you look happy, even if you're tired or sad, in order to avoid worrying others?
My girlfriend's stance is that, pretty much like politeness in speech, you must also be "polite" in your facial expression. According to her, when you're surrounded by other people, you should try to be as friendly as possible, and smiling at others is a good way of doing that. If you look bored, people will think that it's their fault. We're social beings, and we should try to make those around us feel comfortable.
I, however, think it's important for you to be comfortable. If you don't feel like smiling, then there's no need to fake it. Should anyone be worried about your mood, all you need to say is that you're fine, and there's no reason why anyone should be bothered by your apparent lack of enthusiasm. You could just be tired, but still enjoying the company of those around you. If we're not comfortable, and try too hard to look nice, we will eventually make those around us feel uncomfortable as well.
Discuss. |
I'd chalk it up to gender. if you see a guy you know just sitting down, not talking at a party, you don't think anything of it. if a girl does the same, people figure there's something wrong, and get worried. so, you're both right. |
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| Silky Johnson |
In the movie 'Blast From the Past', Brendan Fraser's character says that a lady or gentleman is a person who always does their best to make sure the people around them are comfortable.
Or something like that. |
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| tubularbills |
| quote: | Originally posted by jennypie
In the movie 'Blast From the Past', Brendan Fraser's character says that a lady or gentleman is a person who always does their best to make sure the people around them are comfortable.
Or something like that. |
i hated that movie |
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| inconspicuous |
| that's just a busybody. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by jennypie
In the movie 'Blast From the Past', Brendan Fraser's character says that a lady or gentleman is a person who always does their best to make sure the people around them are comfortable.
Or something like that. |
Yeah, I remember that. That's another interesting view on politeness, and I agree with it (although it is far from being common sense: a doctor once told me that politeness was a "social condom", hehe).
I'm a very polite person in real life, actually, and I used not to fake (in this case) specially because I thought that's how, in my mindset, others would feel more confortable. |
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| Spacey Orange |
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| Sushipunk |
Interesting question, and kind of a tricky one.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. It would come down to personality types.
I sort of agree with Beat Blog. Let's say it's a party, and you're not in a big party-kinda-mood. You can either go to the party, act all glum, and you won't enjoy yourself. Or, you can consciously try and pick yourself up, and make an effort to enjoy things, and quite often that's all you'll need to do. It does work.
Alternatively, you can just say to yourself "I'm in a crap mood. If I go to this party, I won't enjoy it [because of said mood]. I'm not going." |
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| Arbiter |
I can smell a fake smile a mile away and it makes me angry, as though they are trying to lie to me.
But, admittedly, I am probably guilty of going too far in the other direction. For example, some of the people at my work who did not know my name took to referring to me as "Dr. Scowl." |
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| Capitalizt |
Studies have shown that by forcing yourself to smile, you actually alter your brain chemistry...exciting certain areas and changing your mood. In other words, you actually BECOME happier simply by forcing yourself to smile.
Try putting on a big fake ass smile next time you see someone, and tell yourself that it's a big fake ass smile. You will probably laugh about it..and wallah! You're actually happy. ;) |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by Capitalizt
Studies have shown that by forcing yourself to smile, you actually change your brain chemistry...exciting certain areas and changing your mood. In other words, you actually BECOME happier simply by forcing yourself to smile.
Try putting on a big fake ass smile next time you see someone, and tell yourself that it's a big fake ass smile. You will probably laugh about it..and wallah! You're actually happy. ;) |
Link to studies plz? |
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| TranceGiant |
| quote: | Originally posted by Capitalizt
Studies have shown that by forcing yourself to smile, you actually alter your brain chemistry...exciting certain areas and changing your mood. In other words, you actually BECOME happier simply by forcing yourself to smile.
Try putting on a big fake ass smile next time you see someone, and tell yourself that it's a big fake ass smile. You will probably laugh about it..and wallah! You're actually happy. ;) |
ouch :(
(sorry, I hate spell-flames but this one is just another dimension) |
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| Jake Benson |
| quote: | Originally posted by Beat Blog
Here's an interesting spin which people who have worked at McDonalds (not me!) can relate to, as they are always forced to smile at customers.
When you force yourself to smile, and when people ask how you are you say "great!" ecstatically, it's very easy to turn a bad mood into a good one...it's all about convincing yourself that you are happy. I often use this if I'd had a bad day and have to go out somewhere and be sociable. |
This is based on the psychological concept that if you change your behavior, eventually your attitude will change to match your behavior. However, this concept that works best on children who don't quite have the capability to intercept with complex cognitive processing. I'm sure most people who have to smile and force customer service down others' throats merely justify the behavior as a means to keeping their job, and therefore do not feel the need to adjust their attitude to match their behavior. |
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