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Relationships and universals
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| Lira |
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine who had just gotten back with her boyfriend yesterday. She's pretty, smart, and I know quite a few guys that would literally die in glee if they were given the opportunity to bang her in the pooper... unless someone told them they're not allowed to bring their videogames with them to a possible afterlife. But, yeah, she's a nice girl.
She's probably "broken up" with her boyfriend 3 or 4 times in one year, and proceeded to tell me that she had some self-esteem issues, and often thinks she's a burden to him. The moment she told me that, it reminded me of my very own sweetheart, who often comes to the same kind of conclusion, and has the very same reaction (I'd probably be single, were it not for my seemingly infinite patience :p). But, what struck me as fascinating is that I could actually tell her what she was going to tell me: her causes, her fears and so on. Not because I'm a psychic, but because "I had seen it all". They thought exactly alike. And I've seen guys think that way too, as well as foreigners (so gender and nationality don't seem to play a role). Hell, I've probably had a similar mindset when I was a acneful unexperienced teen.
But, why? How can different people, in different relationships, exhibit the same behaviour? If you think of ourselves as a bundle of traits, does everything else become somewhat predictable? (e.g. you can vicariously learn what will happen in a relationship between a [+Party] girl and a [+Bookish] guy and predict the outcome of future similar relationships the same way you can calculate the orbits of planets you've got no influence upon) If so, how does it relate to your concept of free will? |
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| Ygrene |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
... and proceeded to told me ... |
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Lira committed a grammar error!
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| elFreak |
insecurity while for different reasons with different people has the same effect on an almost universal basis.
/mr myagi. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Ygrene
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Lira committed a grammar error!
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:stongue:
(Fixed... besides, I'm sure I butcher the English language quite often :p) |
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| coolestrl |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
She's pretty, smart, and I know quite a few guys that would literally die in glee if they were given the opportunity to bang her in the pooper... |
PICS OR STFU:whip: |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by coolestrl
PICS OR STFU:whip: |
Sorry, my bad:
Here's a pic of a possible candidate :p |
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| coolestrl |
| lol i almost threw up on my screen :eek: |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
If you think of ourselves as a bundle of traits, does everything else become somewhat predictable? (e.g. you can vicariously learn what will happen in a relationship between a [+Party] girl and a [+Bookish] guy and predict the outcome of future similar relationships the same way you can calculate the orbits of planets you've got no influence upon) |
Yeah. It's like "social interaction as chemical reaction": you put a person who has one set of traits together with a person who has another set of traits, you place them in a situation of a certain type, then watch as they "react" against one another. You might get a reaction of oil and water, sodium and water, or sodium hydroxide and water.
:D
There are some universal things. Everyone wants to achieve some kind of contentment, although the requirements for "being content" vary. Some people strive after mellow happiness, others want ecstasy, others deny themselves happiness to bolster a heroic image of themselves as an outsider. But it's neat to watch all the different reactions between the sets of traits and tendencies that we call "selves." |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles
Yeah. It's like "social interaction as chemical reaction": you put a person who has one set of traits together with a person who has another set of traits, you place them in a situation of a certain type, then watch as they "react" against one another. You might get a reaction of oil and water, sodium and water, or sodium hydroxide and water.
:D
There are some universal things. Everyone wants to achieve some kind of contentment, although the requirements for "being content" vary. Some people strive after mellow happiness, others want ecstasy, others deny themselves happiness to bolster a heroic image of themselves as an outsider. But it's neat to watch all the different reactions between the sets of traits and tendencies that we call "selves." |
Now that you're here, I'd like to ask you something: Do you know much about this bundle theory of the self? I remember Thomas Reid completely dismissed it, but I've got no idea of what later philosophers thought next...
... and, if you subscribe to a bundle-like theory of the self, how maleable do you think these traits are? We can change for the sake of a relationship, can't we? |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Now that you're here, I'd like to ask you something: Do you know much about this bundle theory of the self? I remember Thomas Reid completely dismissed it, but I've got no idea of what later philosophers thought next... |
I dunno. I always heard the term used in connection with David Hume.
| quote: | | ... and, if you subscribe to a bundle-like theory of the self, how maleable do you think these traits are? We can change for the sake of a relationship, can't we? |
I wouldn't call my view a "bundle theory," since I think that what we call "traits" are really just rough generalizations that we make on the basis our past behavior and thoughts, and these are constantly being changed in big or little ways as we move through the world and have new experiences. It's not static, and one of the big occasions for change be a relationship. More of a "tumbleweed theory of the self" maybe?
:gsmile: |
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| Vivid Boy |
the majority of people all have the same problems. i forget where i read this but you can count them all on one hand.
we're alot more alike then people are lead to believe |
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| Arbiter |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
But, why? How can different people, in different relationships, exhibit the same behaviour? |
Try thinking just how many different courses of action you could take in a given moment. You don't have time -- nor does your body have sufficient energy -- to really consider all of them. So it is obvious that evolution would select for organisms that only consider a fairly small number of possible courses of action.
Because those possibilities that are considered are largely a function of experience, and because the experiences that one gains are largely a function of what possibilities are considered, people tend to fall into self-reinforcing 'archetypes.'
What we can choose is limited - less limited, to be sure, than it is for other organisms. The truth, though, is that man, too, is something to be overcome... |
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