Kim Jong-Il & Kim Il-Sung: Nothing can save you from their wrath. Yes, nothing. Not even doom music! Fear all Coreans!
Being the moderator of the PDD, I've read all kinds of conspiracy theories. I tried to make sense of them, to no avail. This time around, however, I decided to come up with a theory of my own. It's the reason why we can't have nice things.
1. No World Order?
My theory draws inspiration from two famous sources: The One-World Order, which is the conspiracy of choice of skinny guys and fat girls on the intarweb (i.e. mIrc), and the Anarchy Manifesto [ citation needed ], which is something libruls will always shove down your throat whenever you enter one of their territories, such as coffee shops and university campi.
I dubbed it "No World Order".
Honestly, I'm not sure whether it refers to a [[No World] Order] or a [No [World Order]], though both possibilities can spread the lulz to overseas territories in just a few minutes. Let's take, therefore, both possibilities into account.
1.1 No-World Order
This theory concerns how awesome the world would be after the doomsday. A No-World (as opposed to an Ordinary World), has no need for weepings over yesterday. Stop crying, already! You don't need to find it either, because it doesn't exist. So, everything that makes a world awesome is already embedded in the concept of a No-World. It even comes with No-Duran-Duran!
John Stuart Mew: He believes freedom and happiness are essential to life.
A Corean impostor pretending to be happy.
The first thinker to idealise such a world was John Stuart Mew (left). He wrote his thoughts in over 9000 books, and according to him, the key to world development is massive doses of happiness and freedom. In the words of his time, "gayness and liberty". He came up with the "will to be jolly gay". Fundies all around the world can assert that this will indeed bring the world to an end. That's the first step to achieve maximum awesomeness.
No one knows for sure how it's supposed to happen, but here's a small summary:
1. Gay rights;
2. Unhappy God;
?. ???
4. Profit!
Provided some schematics, this probably would make more sense. But, that's not the real issue. The fact is that, on the final day, God will most likely provide some background music, for he's good. This music will be known as "Doom Music". There's nothing worse than doom music, not even doom music itself (Kant 1912; 394). Here's Nathaniel (he likes to dance), one of the Corean nights of the apocalypse, showing how egregious doom music can be:
Isn't that cute? BUT IT'S WRONG! If awesomeness is to be found, wouldn't you rather have some of it?
1.2 No World-Order
This is diammetrically opposed to the One World Order. Because, let's face it: it's too bloody hard to take care of a few children, let alone 7 billion people! No one is going to install a world dictatorship, get over it! Jeez, some people...
Coreans trying to be black Jews. Much like elFreak.
So, what's this no world-order all about?
Well, first of all, everyone gets to be a Corean! Isn't that great!? Depending on your performance, you can live in the Hard Core, the Soft Core and the Middle Core (if you can't make up your mind and need some more info). Because everyone will be living in the CORe, no one will feel the need to claim how great their particular country is. France and Florida will be just reminiscents of the past!
Oh, boy!
But, how? Well, isn't it obvious? If God is the only Entity that can install the No-World Order, and therefore preventing you from being an all-awesome creature yourself, you must kill God! Or, so says this guy:
"What a bunch of deluded s, those religious nutters are! An invisible man is watching you all the time and, depending on the name you call him, he can grant you 72 lolis if you blow yourself up near people that call him by some other name! Let me tell you something: You can't spell 'Darwin' without 'win'. You know why? Because Darwin is full of win, not God! His striking similarity with Santa Claus is no coincidence: he brought us the best Christmas gift ever: Evolving Pokemons! Now do the world a favour and try to catch 'em all!" - Richard Dwaking
Want more proof? What does Darwin have to do with Pokemons? Well, it should be obvious by now, for Charlie himself was an avid pokeball collector (why else do you think he travelled all the around the world? He actually caught them all, and spent a few decades making sure he didn't leave any pokemon out). You see, Charlie Darwin was a cool guy. eh collected pokemans and didn't afraid of anything!
"For Tonight, the killer of God is a DJ" - Maxi Jass (the black guy from Faithless!)
2. Conclusion
I hereby make this my favourite conspiracy theory. It envolves Darwin, Pokemons, and all my fellow Coreans (i.e. you). Isn't that powerful?
2.1 Why?
I feel I need to take a break from TA (as a matter of fact, I'm going to try to quit procrastinating for good... wish me luck!), and I couldn't get any sleep. So, I decided to bid farewell the best way I could (i.e. by doing the exact opposite of what I intended to do), but I'm probably going to come back and report my progress every few weeks, because no matter what, we can never leave for good. Besides, you can reach me via facebook.
And, it's been a while since I last posted so much nonsense in just one thread. I kind of miss doing that for the lulz. And the carnival is just around the corner!
2.2 How?
I'm going to suspend myself... let's see what happens :p
2.3 tl;dr / CORe version
Something about Darwin, Doomsday, Pokemons, Coreans, and E-Seppuku. Post more awesome things in this thread. Nao!
2.4 My last words
"Life is an essentially anarchistic enterprise: theoretical anarchism is more humanitarian and more likely to encourage progress than its law-and-order alternatives. Fellow, Coreans, jump up! Did you hear me? Jump up, madrefunkers!"
2.5 Post Scriptum
Fellow mods, I'm not drunk (no one would be able to write all this much under the influence of alcohol). Therefore, don't close this thread unless someone ruins it. I trust you guys! :)
dimadelux
CoR version plz
Sushipunk
Aw, don't leave Lira :( You're one of the coolest people here.
And yes, I read all of that :p Awesomeness :D
nchs09
cor version = lira is leaving? Why?
I like lira but i am not reading all that :p
Sushipunk
quote:
Originally posted by Lira
***A huge pile of awesome***
Followed by:
I feel I need to take a break from TA (as a matter of fact, I'm going to try to quit procrastinating for good... wish me luck!), and I couldn't get any sleep. So, I decided to bid farewell the best way I could (i.e. by doing the exact opposite of what I intended to do), but I'm probably going to come back and report my progress every few weeks, because no matter what, we can never leave for good. Besides, you can reach me via facebook.
2.2 How?
I'm going to suspend myself... let's see what happens :p
2.3 tl;dr / CORe version
Something about Darwin, Doomsday, Pokemons, Coreans, and E-Seppuku. Post more awesome things in this thread. Nao!
For the people with short attention spans.
Krypton
nice .
sensorium
The conspiracy theories threads were there before you became a mod. I don't think those ever needed any type of moderating. For those you just really had to watch from a distance and laugh to yourself every now and then. I know it was difficult for you being a mod.
But the break is deserving. Best of luck.
couch-potato
I would have sex with all this asian girls.
whiskers
quote:
Originally posted by Lira
you're linking to jj.am???
moaaaar of her plz.
nchs09
quote:
Originally posted by whiskers
you're linking to jj.am???
moaaaar of her plz.
yo.. what the is wrong with jj.am?
i try to go in there, but it takes me to this screen..
"What a bunch of deluded s, those religious nutters are! An invisible man is watching you all the time and, depending on the name you call him, he can grant you 72 lolis if you blow yourself up near people that call him by some other name! Let me tell you something: You can't spell 'Darwin' without 'win'. You know why? Because Darwin is full of win, not God! His striking similarity with Santa Claus is no coincidence: he brought us the best Christmas gift ever: Evolving Pokemons! Now do the world a favour and try to catch 'em all!" - Richard Dwaking
"Life is an essentially anarchistic enterprise: theoretical anarchism is more humanitarian and more likely to encourage progress than its law-and-order alternatives. Fellow, Coreans, jump up! Did you hear me? Jump up, madrefunkers!"