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Lyrics (pg. 2)
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| Theran |
| quote: | Originally posted by floyd741
So it's cool if I use that?
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Sure. |
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| floyd741 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theran
Sure. |
Thanks, I will probably add my own bits and maybe change it a bit. I don't want to be taking it verbatim, that doesn't seem fair. |
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| Theran |
| quote: | Originally posted by floyd741
Thanks, I will probably add my own bits and maybe change it a bit. I don't want to be taking it verbatim, that doesn't seem fair. |
LOL, you can use it however you like. Consider it non-written by me ;) |
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| floyd741 |
Well, after much thought I've come up with 4 verses that fit into the song nicely. Here goes (drum roll please)...
Longing for the days
Held in your embrace... Once again
Needed you to stay
More than any words can say... Forever/Once again
Waiting for the day
That you'll be by my side... Once again
On the beach we'll lay
Waiting for the tide... Forever/Once Again
I'm still debating as to whether I should I use forever or once again in verse 2 and 4. Technically, forever makes more sense (at least in verse 4 and with the first line of verse 2) but it might also be nice to just stick with the once again thing. That way, I already have a song name, too. "Once Again" - Fabian Velazquez ft. Shauna Kohler
p.s. Thanks for those lines Theran, definitely got me thinking further than sunsets and seagulls. |
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| Theran |
| quote: | Originally posted by floyd741
Longing for the days
Needed you to stay
Waiting for the day
On the beach we'll lay |
These look way to similar. Lyrics that rhyme are generally used yes, but it doesn't need to. IMO 'days - stay - day - lay' are way to similar, expected and to obvious.
Tell a story with your lyrics. Write down a simple story that has a theme (i.e. love at the beach or losing somebody). The story doesn't have to rhyme in any way, just write down a story.
After you done that, you got your theme, and set the story chronological to it's events. (i.e. Your lost a girl, you went to a beach, you set aside your pride and you got the girl back).
After that, write the verses that may or may not rhyme, as said, it doesn't have to. You have to make sure that (almost) each sentence is the same length, so that your singer doesn't have to pronounce a couple of words fast to meet that time. I'll give you an example:
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Longing for the days
Held in your embrace... Once again
Needed you to stay
More than any(1) words can say... Forever/Once again
Waiting for the day
That you'll be by my side...(3) Once again
On the beach we'll lay
Waiting for the tide...(2) Forever/Once Again
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(1) The word 'any' is to much in this sentence, you have to mumble this word between to get on time. And by leaving 'any' away, you don't change the meaning of the sentence, but the timing is correct.
(2) This sentence is to short, or you have to put Forever/Once again behind it (after a little pauze) to make up the time.
(3) I think this is the best 'couplet' of the lyric, however, the second sentence is longer than the other 'second' sentences, so it won't 'fit' in the track unless you modify this or the other sentences.
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p.s. Thanks for those lines Theran, definitely got me thinking further than sunsets and seagulls. |
You're welcome m8, I'm recently started some songwriting so I actually enjoy it ;).. |
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| floyd741 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theran
These look way to similar. Lyrics that rhyme are generally used yes, but it doesn't need to. IMO 'days - stay - day - lay' are way to similar, expected and to obvious.
Tell a story with your lyrics. Write down a simple story that has a theme (i.e. love at the beach or losing somebody). The story doesn't have to rhyme in any way, just write down a story.
After you done that, you got your theme, and set the story chronological to it's events. (i.e. Your lost a girl, you went to a beach, you set aside your pride and you got the girl back).
After that, write the verses that may or may not rhyme, as said, it doesn't have to. You have to make sure that (almost) each sentence is the same length, so that your singer doesn't have to pronounce a couple of words fast to meet that time. I'll give you an example:
(1) The word 'any' is to much in this sentence, you have to mumble this word between to get on time. And by leaving 'any' away, you don't change the meaning of the sentence, but the timing is correct.
(2) This sentence is to short, or you have to put Forever/Once again behind it (after a little pauze) to make up the time.
(3) I think this is the best 'couplet' of the lyric, however, the second sentence is longer than the other 'second' sentences, so it won't 'fit' in the track unless you modify this or the other sentences.
You're welcome m8, I'm recently started some songwriting so I actually enjoy it ;).. |
Wow, thanks for that! Guess I better get to work cleaning this up. |
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| kitphillips |
| It really depends on the music. How about you post the track and the lyrics your thinking of, and we'll look at them then. Because I think they were fine with "any" in it, although still a bit cheesy. |
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| Theran |
| quote: | Originally posted by kitphillips
It really depends on the music. How about you post the track and the lyrics your thinking of, and we'll look at them then. Because I think they were fine with "any" in it, although still a bit cheesy. |
That maybe best yeah, because I probably timed the vocals other than you did. But indeed a bit cheesy though, but he's 16 so...;) |
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| kitphillips |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theran
That maybe best yeah, because I probably timed the vocals other than you did. But indeed a bit cheesy though, but he's 16 so...;) |
Yeah, thats exactly what I'm thinking on both counts. write cheesy stuff when your 16 IMO. Its really impossible to write lyrics not knowing the actual song itself tho, so we need that to help him. |
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| Theran |
| quote: | Originally posted by kitphillips
Yeah, thats exactly what I'm thinking on both counts. write cheesy stuff when your 16 IMO. Its really impossible to write lyrics not knowing the actual song itself tho, so we need that to help him. |
True, so floyd741, post your track ;) |
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| floyd741 |
well here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9-1tnvjqF4
But as I post this I just uploaded it to YouTube so I wouldn't expect it to be fully up and running for a while. Please note, the version uploaded is not the finished version. In fact, I'm working on the track as we speak but the idea is the same. The lyrics will most likely pop up in the part near the end where it just loops the whole verse like 8 times. In the finished version I think I'll cut some crap from the beginning and add more after the end of the current version. I just don't think it makes sense to have the vocals come in at the very end.
Also, where can I upload full tracks for other people to listen to besides YouTube? I just hate having to go through the whole process of sticking it in a video and probably cutting out some of the quality along the way. |
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