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Women's english
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| Tamponio |
Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry. :whip:
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
Men's English
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(While shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay |
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| ali92 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Tamponio
Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry. :whip:
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
Men's English
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(While shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay |
Some of these are actually true! This was funny. I enjoyed it! Post other posts like this! :D :haha: :D |
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| sparklesxtc |
| Ditto on alot of that stuff on both parts but some of it is a nono!! :gsmile: That was pretty damn funny!! :haha: |
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| igottaknow |
Simply hillarious, here something along the same vein you might enjoy:
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From the New Oxford Pocket Condensed Concise Female vs. Male Dictionary
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male........ The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another
Male........ Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male........ Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4.COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male......... Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
5.ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........ Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex
6.FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male........ A source of entertainment, self-statement and male bonding.
7.MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........ Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
8.REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male......... A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5
minutes.
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THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
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* 8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
* 8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday
* 8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
* 9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
* 10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
* 10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
* 12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
* 12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7Kg
* 1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
* 3.00 Nap
* 4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer
* 4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but
gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
* 5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
* 7.30 Candle lit dinner with champagne for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
* 10.00 Hot shower (alone)
* 10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
* 11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
* 11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
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* THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
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* 6.00 Alarm
* 6.15 Blow job
* 6.30 Massive satisfying while reading the sports section
* 7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench
* 7.30 Limo arrives
* 7.45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
* 9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
* 9.30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)
* 9.45 Play front nine (2 under)
* 11.45 Lunch Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
* 12.15 Blow job
* 12.30 Play back nine (4 under)
* 2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
* 2.30 Fly to Monte Carlo
* 3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
* 4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
* 5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked supermodel
* 6.45 , Shower and Shave
* 7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and porn legalised
* 7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a pair of
* 9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you
watch international match of the day; England beating Brazil 11-0
* 9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
* 11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale
* 11.30 A night cap blowjob
* 11.45 In bed alone
* 11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room! |
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| Carona |
| I call it womanese :D |
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| nate735 |
| some funny here :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :happy2: :happy2: |
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| eXeTik |
| LoL, this is jokes stuff :p |
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| ahlamalek |
| quote: | Originally posted by igottaknow
* 11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room! |
BWWWWHWHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHA
AAHABBABABBABAABBAABHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH*having heart attack*BWWWHWHHHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH.......................... |
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| Tamponio |
The Beer vs. Debate
A beer is always wet. A needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot. A tastes better served hot.
Advantage: .
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. does not.
Advantage: Draw.
If you get a hair in your teeth consuming , you are not disgusted.
Advantage:
24 beers come in a box. A is a box you can come in.
Advantage: .
Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: .
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like , she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage:
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a in the stands at a football game.
Advantage:
If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage:
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.
can make you see God. Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage:
If you think all day about the next you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage:
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of is more fun.
Advantage: .
If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a , it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.
The best you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: .
The worst you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad : Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw
Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good : Almost all but the above.
Advantage: .
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: .
It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: . |
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| HyPeRSoNiC |
rotflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
great stuff!!!!!! |
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| xebos |
| All of that is so true :crazy: |
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| Aya Brea |
| haha, "Maybe = No" is very true. ;) |
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