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anyone good in english? please proofread
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| mayday_member |
hey
i need some help as i'm finishing some project for business english at my college. can anyone who's good in proofreading read and correct errors as i'm sure there are many :whip: thanks
Dear Reg,
Your long and excellent record with the Canada One Academy indicates that you have the potential to succeed in management. Since you have become principle and the owner of the Academy, our school has increased profits from $230,000.00 to over $321,000.0. That’s a great result with a nearly 50% increase. Due to your comprehensive and through examination we were also able to acquire one of the best teachers and instructors in the Vancouver.
I realize these results don’t come cheaply. You as the owner and school’s principle have many different duties and responsibilities. You have to deal with complaints from both students and parents, you have to monitor a school’s finance situation and make sure if our curriculum is up to the Ministry of Education standards.
That’s why I became worried when two days ago I received some alarming memo from our HR department about communication issues between you and our staff members. You can imagine my surprise when I heard the news. Apparently HR department has been receiving complaints about discontinued practice of the weekly staff meetings and unreliable email communication.
Although I think you’re doing an outstanding job running the Academy, I think we need to keep our staff and teachers fully satisfied and happy. We have on board some great instructors and we cannot afford to lose them. What I would suggest is I could take over some of your duties and responsibilities; for example I could deal with all incoming complaints from both students and parents. This way you would be able to find some extra time to call up weekly staff meetings and deal with all the issues on more personal level, avoiding email communication as possible.
In the meantime Reg, I’m open to any suggestions you may have to resolve the above issue and I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards, |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
Here you go:
| quote: | Originally posted by mayday_member
hey
i need some help as i'm finishing some project for business english at my college. can anyone who's good in proofreading read and correct errors as i'm sure there are many :whip: thanks
Dear Reg,
Your long and excellent record with the Canada One Academy indicates that you have the potential to succeed in management. Since you have become principle [principal] and the owner of the Academy, our school has increased profits from $230,000.00 to over $321,000.0 [Why two decimal zeros in the first figure and one in the second?]. That’s a great result with a nearly 50% increase. Due to your comprehensive and through [thorough] examination we were also able to acquire one of the best teachers and instructors in the Vancouver [Should this be "Vancouver" rather than "the Vancouver"?].
I realize these results don’t come cheaply. You as the owner and school’s principle [principal] have many different duties and responsibilities ["As the owner and school's principal, you have many different duties and responsibilities" reads nicer, but that's a matter of opinion.]. You have to deal with complaints from both students and parents, you have to monitor a school’s finance situation [maybe "financial situation" instead] and make sure if ["make sure that"] our curriculum is up to the Ministry of Education standards.
That’s why I became worried when two days ago I received some alarming memo ["an alarming memo," or if it's plural, "some alarming memos"] from our HR department about communication issues between you and our staff members. You can imagine my surprise when I heard the news. Apparently HR department [maybe add "the" before "HR department"]has been receiving complaints about discontinued practice of the weekly staff meetings and unreliable email communication [I would change "discontinued practice of the weekly staff meetings," it just sounds clumsy].
Although I think you’re doing an outstanding job running the Academy, I think we need to keep our staff and teachers fully [cut "fully," you don't need it] satisfied and happy. We have on board [don't really need "on board" either]some great instructors and we cannot afford to lose them. What I would suggest is I could take over ["What I would suggest is" sounds clumsy. Rephrase.] some of your duties and responsibilities; for example [for example,] I could deal with all incoming complaints from both students and parents. This way you would be able to find some extra time to call up weekly staff meetings ["hold weekly staff meetings" might be better] and deal with all the issues on more personal level, avoiding email communication as possible [maybe "if possible" or "whenever possible" instead].
In the meantime Reg, ["meantime, Reg"] I’m open to any suggestions you may have to resolve ["for resolving"] the above issue and I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards, |
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| mayday_member |
| thanks Jive :D |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| No problem. I like proofreading. |
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