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relationship advice... (pg. 2)
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| EddieZilker |
If she's been abused by him and is still talking to him, it's because, at worst, she thinks she can still fix him, and, at best - which isn't that much better - has abandonment issues she's projecting onto him. Regardless, she's got no business with him and your life is a ing quagmire with useless drama.
The faith that if you or she just sticks with the situation, status quo, and that things will eventually get better is called malignant optimism. Malignant optimism will promise you the world and will then laugh at your ass while you're nursing a shiner on the lawn; holding up an ice-pack to your face, wearing a pair of hand-cuffs, while you're having trouble explaining to the cops the history of the -storm you're about to inherit.
It might NOT get that bad, but it could be a lot worse. Give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you'll help her get out of the relationship and stick with her but she's got to ditch that -wit and absolutely cannot ever talk with him, while she's with you, again. If she doesn't agree, ditch her. You're only enabling the behavior by reinforcing the belief that you're a good back-up plan, to stand by her side. If you don't feel qualified to deal with the security issues (let alone the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder battered spouses often suffer from after they leave such situations) get the out!
Apart from this and unwanted drug and alcohol abuse, I'd never give relationship advice that includes an ultimatum. Love triangles, however; and in particular with former abusive partners are ing deadly. I know this because I have done a -ton of research on it. |
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| Lews |
| quote: | Originally posted by EddieZilker
If she's been abused by him and is still talking to him, it's because, at worst, she thinks she can still fix him, and, at best - which isn't that much better - has abandonment issues she's projecting onto him. |
Eddie have you been emotionally abused by someone? |
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| nefardec |
| do not feed the animals |
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| EddieZilker |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lews
Eddie have you been emotionally abused by someone? |
I'll put it this way: I've had my share of therapy for some pretty heinous psychological abuse - not just emotional abuse but the sort of seriously mind-ing . But not in any relationship I've had in adulthood and I'm in a healthy relationship, currently, that's lasted close to five years.
EDIT to add: I've had my share of friends who have been through this and have seen it, first hand. I've known a few women who have been permanently physically and mentally harmed by abusers, as well. One reason I know so much about it, is that after my mother was shot and killed in her family law practice, I began researching the psychology of what drives people to commit homicide, in order to come to some form of understanding about it. |
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| D-res |
:stongue:
those pics of him are definitely chop-worthy. Where's ygrene? |
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| Esiotrat |
| quote: | Originally posted by LoveHate
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:eek: KILL!!!! |
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| OkiDokie |
That guy looks badass.
Good luck |
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| Esiotrat |
| quote: | Originally posted by OkiDokie
That guy looks badass.
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He looks like a stinky cockroach. They're vile things.
+1 |
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| Silky Johnson |
| quote: | Originally posted by Marcus Summers
lol i missed you :) |
Sip sip sip sip... |
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| occrider |
| I'm going to need to see your dental records before I can provide proper advice. I mean ... look at what you're up against. Get some bling in your cavities. |
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| Marcus Summers |
| quote: | Originally posted by jennypie
Sip sip sip sip... |
what ya drinking |
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