They've been kicking ass for millennia, and they still feel the need to prove they're the most kick-ass nation on Earth by taking ass kicking to a whole new level. Europe has had its fair share of rebellions, but whereas Europeans dress up all funny for battle so they don't get hurt by the enemy, the Chinese couldn't care less about being attacked, and organised the Rebellion of the Boxers in which - if you let me indulge my fancy - everyone probably fought in their underwear. Including the women, shouting "Support the Qing" as loud as they could (you see, they're very smart when it comes to language so, instead of saying "Royal Family", they turn everything into monosyllables, and probably merged the words "King" and "Queen" in a way that sounded Chinese enough for dirty foreigners and was quick enough to be yelled before battle). In a dog-eat-dog world, they told us they're hardcore and actively engage in canine nomming. And, while we all sit idly for hours in our cars stuck in traffic jams waiting for the moment to get home and get some rest, these brave folks once again show us hot its done, hitting the road and bringing the traffic to a halt not just for hours (or days), but weeks! Months, perhaps. Hell, this is the Chinese we're talking about, they'll probably sit around in their lorries for years, turning drivers into Taoist hermits just to show how soft we all are.
Yes, you read that right. They're not just trying to get home in time to heat up their frozen dinner and watch comedians interview people. No, they're trying to make it home before their birthday! They're on the road, confined to the seats of their vehicles with no one to talk to but other celibate drivers whose wives have probably went on with their lives thinking the men they married are long gone, leaving the poor fellows jilted and lonely.
You think I'm kidding? No, the New York Times is talking about it, the Wall Street Journal is raving about it, and the folks from the Guardian are probably running away in shame for having tried to tame the Chinese in the past... and failing horribly. I can't wait for the day Londoners will find themselves in an automotive mayhem thanks to all the inhabitants of Chinatown, clogging up all streets around the Trafalgar Square just so they can show the locals how it is done. When even the Christian Science Monitor posts pics of this epic queue, you know something is wrong - and by that I'm not talking about the oxymoron also known as "Christian Science", but their quick dismissal of whatever Richard Dawkins is talking about to cover a story on trucks that have remained still for days. Has the Boston Globe posted a "Big Picture" special with this event? They probably will, and it's a pity they're already lagging behind.
Perhaps that's the key phrase here. "To lag behind". No one likes to come 2nd place. China has just overtaken Japan and the World's Second Economy, and for all I know, they won't come down until they become the supreme power of the Twentieth First Century, when call centres all across India will be no longer speaking English, but good old Putonghua (that's a Chinese slang meaning "Mandarin", based on the expression "Putos, hua!" given the funny looks Mexicans give after they cross the American border just to find out the Chinese - ever so resourceful - had the brilliant idea of simply manning boats and send them to the US by small doses of a hundred dozen million families in each shipment. That's just 0.5% of the Chinese population anyway, and the invasion of the US should be over in a couple of years. Maybe they're going to achieve this goal before the traffic jam ends. But, I digress.
Before you know it, the good old Dane known as Wicked Neo will be probably substituted by a Chinaman, posts about skimmed dumps will be written in broken English and distributed by professional spammers from Xianji on every board of this forum, and the people stuck in this traffic jam will turn on the engines just to piss off environmentalists sipping latte on Starbucks all over the Pacific Coast... and, as this includes the Pacific Northwest, Nou will probably inhale enough smog to acquire a Chinese fetish and surrender to an evil ceremonial hostess from Guangzhou, though that was bound to happen sooner or later given the weakening virginity skills of our great Cascadian bachelor. Still, we all thought you'd get a Scandinavian girl or a Japanese exchange student, Cliff! How fickle!
Anyway, this post is a tribute to this majestic congestion and my utter inability to stay on topic for more than two sentences!
EddieZilker
Nice post, Lira.
jester
Scientists should go there and see the effects of green house gases
leph555
Lira needs a blog :o
epicaricacy
quote:
Originally posted by jester
Scientists should go there and see the effects of green house gases
most of developed asia is actually "greener" than north america. Include China in this now...they use as much fuel, but they waste a hell of a lot less of everything else.;)
Esiotrat
I didn't read due to lack of interest.
CORe version plz.
igottaknow
Good thing Brazil isn't like China. You can make fun of your politicians... Oh that's right you can't. :stongue:
FuzzQi
Epic post
LAdazeNYnights
quote:
Originally posted by Enigmatik
I didn't read due to lack of interest.
CORe version plz.
china is the best at everything. including length of traffic jams.
chlola
So where are they gonna crap at until September?
epicaricacy
in your posts, where all the other crap is.
LAdazeNYnights
quote:
Originally posted by chlola
So where are they gonna crap at until September?
good question...i was stuck in traffic for nearly 2 hours last night and had to pee so badly at times that i considered using an empty bottle. can't imagine what measures one would have to take to in that situation :wtf:
Aren't the Chinese a curious bunch?
You think I'm kidding? No, 
