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Matt Acton - LYM (Work In Progress) [ambient]
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| Acton |
I did this when I was drunk and all emotional last night (PLUR, gay, bla bla bla) :p
It's my first attempt at making an ambient track, so I thought I would stick it on here to see if anyone cares to comment on it.
It's still very rough and nowhere near finished, but you'll get the general idea.
So yeah, any feedback is welcome.
Thanks for listening :) |
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| Looney4Clooney |
that high pitched sustain is not working for ya. Ear piercingly harsh and serves no purpose other than to direct ones attention to it which isn't where i would say anything is going on. The piano part , for a few reasons , including the hard quantization, the voicing and the actual timbre make it rather artificial in a bad way.
about the voicing, it is somewhat un piano like in terms of how one would compose for piano. One thing you do which makes it sound weird is when your bass tone moves to B, which is the leading tone of G, the dominant, it is doubled at some points with a voice which then leaps up and sort of leaves that unresolved leading tone , well it is making it akward
Another thing you do, which i suppose is fine at the beginning where you go from the tonic to the second inversion dominant but later on , i suppose to build something, you go to the 3rd inversion of the dominant on D , which wants to go to the second inversion of I on E which you do, but then you go back down, which is akward in the sense that you are using these sort of harmonic devices that want to go places and you are hovering around them highlighting the awkward progression. Especially at the end where you go from the 3rd inversion V back to I. A rather weak chord succession. WOuld of used it in root position at the end or at least the 2nd inversion which has the leading tone in the bass. Basically when you use V in its 3rd and 4rth inversion, it acts more like a passing chord and doesn't have as much pull.
What else. that top line seems like it is playing random notes. So not only is it really annoying sound wise, it seems like you don't really know what you want to do with it.
I think you need to explore more harmonic devices. You basically go I V I V I V I using bad voice leading , doubled leading tones that don't resolve, akward piano voicings, and i suppose i forgot to mention your arrangement, from and orchestration perspective is rather unbalanced.
I would try using pedal tones, keeping say the root of I , in a lower octave at least in the beginning. Harmonic changes sometimes distract from the actual soundscape you are tring to create. |
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| EddieZilker |
| I heard this the other night and really liked it. It's a little shrill but getting past that was well worth the listen. I hope you finish it. I would love a listen or more, when it's done. |
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