| jploveparade |
Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the
bathroom and turns on the shower. He begins to lather up
and notices that his dick is bright orange. He is really
concerned, but it doesn't hurt and he feels normal.
He finishes his shower, gets dressed and goes on to
work. During his break, he goes into the men's room to
take a leak. While standing in front of the urinal, a co-
worker comes in and sees his bright orange dick and
exclaims, "Holy ! Your dick is bright orange!" Dan
tells his co-worker that he feels just fine and his dick
doesn't hurt. His co-worker advises him to go to the
company doctor as soon as possible cause it looks like
it could be serious.
Dan goes to the company doctor and, after a through
examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and
all of the tests seem to be normal. Did you do anything
out of the ordinary over the weekend?"
Dan scratches his head and says, "No. Not that I can
think of. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies
and eat Cheetos."
----------------
One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him
if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Little Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000
mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a
bicycle??? Wait until Christmas!"
Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again.
The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely
high, sorry kiddo. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out
of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The
father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was
leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your
room, and I heard you say that you were 'pulling out,'
and mommy said that 'you should wait because she was
coming, too....'
"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna stuck with your $80,000
mortgage!"
----------------
The Interview
There were four guys who were in the final stages of
interviewing for a prestigious job. They were from
Harvard, Yale, MIT, and Texas A&M. The company decided
to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.
Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the
company told the men that all were very worthy
applicants, and that he wished he could hire them
all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to
hire one person. He told them that he would call each
of them in one at a time for a final interview the next
day, and that he would ask each one of them the same
question. Whoever answered the question the best would
be the one hired.
All applicants agreed that this was fair.
The next day, the first applicant called in was from
Harvard. The president posed the question, "What is the
fastest thing in the world?"
The young man thought for a moment and replied, "That
would have to be a thought."
"Why do you say that?" asked the president. "Well, a
thought takes no time at all...it is in your mind in an
instant, then gone again."
"Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president.
Next the same question was posed to the young man from
Yale, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
The young man paused and replied, "That would have to be
a blink."
"Why?" asked the president. "Because you don't even
think about a blink, it's just a reflex. You do it in
an instant."
The president thanked him, then called in the next
person.
The young man from MIT was asked what the fastest thing
in the world was, and after hesitating for a brief
moment, he replied, "I would have to say electricity.
Why? Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately,
three miles away a light will go on."
"I see, very good," replied the president.
Then, the young man from Texas A&M was called in. He,
too, was asked, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
"That's easy..." he replied, "that would have to be
diarrhea!"
Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say
that?"
"Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed
and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, I all over
myself!!!!!"
(He got the job....)
----------------
here were three babies in a woman's stomach,
and they were discussing what they would like
to be when birthed and grown up. The first one
said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed
at this, and asked "why a plumber?" He replied,
"so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda
leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician."
The others laughed at this and asked "why an
electrician?" He replied, "so I can get some
lights in here, its dark!"
The third one said "I wanna be a boxer." The
others thought this was hilarious, and laughed
for a full 5 minutes, before asking, "why in
God's name do you want to be a boxer?" He
replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that
bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting
on us!" |
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