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These are the funniest jokes you ever read, or your money back
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| jploveparade |
There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired." So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy.
Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy?"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " SUPPLIES!"
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One day there were two boys playing by a stream when they saw a woman bathing naked. All of a sudden one of the boys took off running. The other boy took off after his friend. After he caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.
"Well," the boy said, "my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran."
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A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.
He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.
When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"
"No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.
"The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."
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The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
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A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the labourers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.
The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, "What the heck is wrong with you! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!"
The labourer looks at the carpenter and says, "I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming."
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Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing. The second dog turned to him and asked: "What are you in here for, buddy?"
The dog looked depressed, "I'm in big trouble", he said, "My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat.
Now he's having me put to sleep."
"I know how you feel", said the second dog. "My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself...I all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep, too."
Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. "So what are you here for?" they asked. "Well," said the third dog, "my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life!"
The other dogs nodded in sympathy, "So she's having you put to sleep, too, huh?" "No," said the dog, "I'm having my nails clipped."
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A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she
is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop is charging are
very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well,
I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the
clerk says.
"$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a
frog."
"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow
jobs."
The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of
sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides
the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it
home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value.
The husband is sceptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try
that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing her husband won't bother her that night.
She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen.
She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling
out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.
"What are you two doing down here?" she asks.
Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're
out of here!" |
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| dj_mdma |
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
That one about the two boys is hilarious! |
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| Linx_da_cat |
| ahaha, that one about the frog is funny as hell. :) |
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| fastmp3 |
| hahahahahaha the frog one is the best hahahahahaha |
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| PhaseFour |
| lmao i loved the construction one :) |
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| Dj-HordasH |
| hahaha the bj frog was 2 much |
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| Maaz |
The first one is perfect!!! |
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| Zayatz |
| quote: | Originally posted by jploveparade
There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired." So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy.
Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy?"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " SUPPLIES!"
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Have heard this and this makes me still laugh :mad: |
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| webmeister |
*wants money back*
very funny, not funniest ever though ... :D |
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| Shudder |
| money back please :) |
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| dj_s_harrison |
LOL
:stongue: :haha: :haha: :stongue: |
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| jploveparade |
| party poopers |
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