| jploveparade |
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking,
jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple
of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger
window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed,
"Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face
there!"
The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in
the window. The passenger rolled his window down part
way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you
want?"
The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"
The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and
yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the
window in terror.
A few minutes later they calmed down and started
laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what
happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says
we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a
light tapping on the window and the old man
reappeared.
"There he is again," the passenger yelled. He
rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked.
The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying,
"Step on it!"
They were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying
to forget what they had just seen and heard, when
all of a sudden there came some more tapping.
"Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down
the window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"
The old man gently replied, "You want some help
getting out of the mud?"
-------------------
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just
for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they
were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from
the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an
old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one
of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching
his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought
you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so
late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled
my name!"
-------------------
It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon
and walked up to the bar.
"What will you have?" the bartender asked.
"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.
"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said.
"That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
-------------------
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day
at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice
home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't
wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you?
Can I come home from work and just do my own thing
without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"
At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and
throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon
and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time
of the month."
-------------------
The door bell, rings, and a man answers it.
Here stands this plain but well dressed kid,
saying "Trick or Treat!"
The man asks the kids what he's dressed up like
for Halloween.
The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." Then he takes
28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say
Thank You
-------------------
One Halloween, it was pouring rain and a nun
called for a cab. As they were driving along the
driver said, "you know, even though I'm not a
priest, I'm a virgin, and I've never had a blow
job."
The nun said," Well I have a confession too. Even
though I'm a nun I've given blow jobs."
The driver said, "Really? do you think that you
could give me one?"
The nun then agreed and they stopped at an alley
where she gave him the blowjob. When they were
done, they continued driving along. After a long
pause, the driver said. "I have another confession
to make. I'm not a virgin and I'm cheating on my
wife. I wanted to see if you would really give me
a blow job."
At this, the nun smiled and said,"Well I also have
another confession to make. My name is Bob and I'm
going to a Halloween Party."
A black boy and his sister were out trick or
treating. They go to the first house and ring
the bell, the door soon opens.
The owner asks "What are you two dressed as?"
The black boy says, "We're dressed as Jack and
Jill."
"You can't be Jack and Jill, they are white.",
the owner replied.
The children got their candy, thought about what
they could say they were dressed as and went to
the next house.
They rang the bell, the owner opened the door
and asked them the same question the previous
homeowner had asked.
The little girl replied, "We are dressed as
Hansel and Gretel."
The owner told them they could not dress as
Hansel and Gretel, since they were not white,
like Hansel and Gretel.
The children thought long and hard about their
dilemma as they moved to the next house.
The little boy came up with an idea and told
his sister to take off her clothes.
Naked, they walked up to the door and rang the
bell. As the owner opened the door, the little
boy piped up "We're dressed as Snickers,
one with nuts, one without nuts." |
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