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i have some damage control to do....
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| butterfly |
so all these posts recently about friends becoming more - well here is the dark side of it:
i had been becoming very close with this guy but i had no sexual interest and i was trying hard not to lead him on. well it didn't work cause he suggested moving further with our relationship one day and i said no.
well things got increasingly ugly after that and now we are not even speaking, which is a bit of a problem cause we hang out at a lot of the same places and i do still care for him as a friend.
is it possible to salvage or rebuild the friendship? he told me that he used to be attracted to things in me that he doesn't even see anymore. i know he is still hurt that he is shotdown but i can't change the way i feel. and i feel funny acting as if nothing ever happened. :(
i wish it could be easier.... |
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| jploveparade |
This is not easy to answer, cause I never been in the same situation... Hope somebody else can.
I tend to forget ex-girlfriends, ignore them. Move on. |
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| butterfly |
| quote: | Originally posted by jploveparade
I tend to forget ex-girlfriends |
but we never dated or even hooked up so he can't count as an ex. |
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| jploveparade |
You know the song 'never be the same again' from Mel C?
After you had sex, things chance.
In your case you didn't have sex but things did chance.
He feels ignored, his feelings were not mutual. He had great expectations but in his eyes you let him down.
At one point something snapped inside which makes it almost impossible to repair things :( |
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| Floorfiller |
| hmmmm i'll say this. my last girlfriend (before my current girlfriend) is kinda similar. alright so i'm really good friends with all her friends and vice versa so we would always see each other. (just a side note she broke up with me). i had always said hey lets be friends still and she would say the same and then she stopped returning my phone calls and then i would see her at a party or something and we wouldn't really talk even though i would make little attempts. anyway, i eventually stopped trying and she came to me and said ya know what i feel like a bitch i still want to hang out with you and all that good stuff. (of course this seemed to come after i got my new girlfriend). so now we are still really good friends and i talk to her all the time. we even talk about relationship things which some people think is a little wierd but whatever. anyway, i guess what i'm trying to say is that if both people don't want it, its probably best to let it go. i would try one last time and be like, ya know i still like hanging out with you and i miss things being the way that they are... or something like that and then if he still doesn't respond go on your way and if he realizes that he has been a jerk then you can probably rebuild the friendship. other then that i would say you'll just be wasting your energy trying to make a friendship work that won't. he has to realize that he is being immature about the whole thing and see that you still want to be friends. you've already done all that you can do by trying to be receptive to him. i guess if he found a girl friend that might help too hehehe. |
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| b i n k u n |
good points floorfilla...
i've totally been on the other side of ur situation, butterfly. i've had many a relationships w/ friends go bad cuz one of us developed feelings that weren't responded. and it honestly is the worst/most awkward feelings in the world. my hardest lesson was a few years back when i had to deal with feelings that i realized i had for my best friend (a girl). i was down in the dumps for a coupla months, but she just continued to act like a friend, and let me know that she'll still be there and its up to me to decide what i want to do. however, it's really hard on a guy to act normal and still be friends with someone who just turned them down, even if you were friends before. it's hard for them to see you in the same light, y'kno wut i mean? and since the lines between friends and boy/girlfriends is so damn thin, it's even harder to grasp a hold and understand just what the hell is going on.
my suggestion? same as floorfilla...you've given your stance that you still want to be friends...stay that way. dun ignore him, but dun go out of your way to include him. he'll deal with it wuteva way he can, and hopefully, he'll come to his senses and one day, things will be cool again. life has its twisted ways, but most of the time, things just work themselves out when given enough time. g'luck! |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by b i n k u n
good points floorfilla...
i've totally been on the other side of ur situation, butterfly. i've had many a relationships w/ friends go bad cuz one of us developed feelings that weren't responded. and it honestly is the worst/most awkward feelings in the world. my hardest lesson was a few years back when i had to deal with feelings that i realized i had for my best friend (a girl). i was down in the dumps for a coupla months, but she just continued to act like a friend, and let me know that she'll still be there and its up to me to decide what i want to do. however, it's really hard on a guy to act normal and still be friends with someone who just turned them down, even if you were friends before. it's hard for them to see you in the same light, y'kno wut i mean? and since the lines between friends and boy/girlfriends is so damn thin, it's even harder to grasp a hold and understand just what the hell is going on.
my suggestion? same as floorfilla...you've given your stance that you still want to be friends...stay that way. dun ignore him, but dun go out of your way to include him. he'll deal with it wuteva way he can, and hopefully, he'll come to his senses and one day, things will be cool again. life has its twisted ways, but most of the time, things just work themselves out when given enough time. g'luck! |
hehehe there really is a thin line huh? i mean really what is different... basically i look at girl friend as the FRIEND that i like the most and want to spend the most time with... and of course grope and make out with hehehe, but i think really the only difference too me is that you can't stand to be away from your significant other, where as other friends you don't need to see AS much. |
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| butterfly |
thx guys - i'll try to take your advice. he has been such as ass lately that i don't know if i can still be a good friend. it makes me not want to be around him any more.
binkun - you may have an opportunity to meet this guy at PVD tommorrow. (and me too, for that matter ;)) |
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