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Jokes part 4
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| jploveparade |
blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some
bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to
the woman that they don't sell bum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would
like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist
who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of
underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out
loud from the container,
"To apply, push up bottom."
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An Irishman went to London for a visit to the
circus. While there, he saw a man with an
elephant act. The man claimed the elephant
could look at a person and tell that person's
age.
The Irishman was very sceptical and said so,
in no uncertain terms.
The man had the elephant look at a small boy
and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times.
"Is that right?" he asked the boy.
"Yes, I'm nine!" the boy said.
The Irishman continued his loud heckling, still
not believing that this was true. The man asked
the elephant to tell the ages of several other
people, and each time the elephant stamped his
foot and the people said he was correct.
The Irishman got even louder and more abusive
toward the man. Finally the man could take it
no longer and wagered the Irishman that the
elephant could look at him and tell him his
age. The Irishman took him up on the wager.
The elephant looked real close at the Irishman,
turned around, raised his tail and cut wind
like you wouldn't believe. Then he turned back
around, knocked the Irishman to the ground with
his trunk and then stomped on him twice.
The Irishman, crumpled and bleeding, staggered
back to his feet and with a sound of disbelief
in his voice cried,
"Mother of Mary, he's right!...Farty-two!"
---------------
An Russian man is walking through a bazaar,
when a stranger comes up to him and offers to
sell him some illegal Viagra for 100 rubles.
"No, not worth it!" he says
"OK, how about 50 rubles?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost $10 American each.
How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills are worth it, it's my wife is
not worth it."
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Technaut was in the South of France, and could
not understand why Pierre had attracted all the
girls at the beach and he pulled nothing.
So he asked Pierre, "Why do you get all the girls
and I get nothing?"
Pierre said "It's because I wear a Speedo bathing
suit. The women, they love to see a man in a Speedo."
So Technaut buys a Speedo and tosses his baggy
shorts in the garbage. He struts up and down the
beach but still he has no luck attracting any women.
He finds Pierre again and asks for his advice.
Pierre, taking a look at Paddy in his Speedo says,
"Take a potato, tuck it in your Speedo, it drives
the women wild."
Technaut stuffed a potato in his Speedo and
paraded up and the beach once again.
Many hours later, still no woman. So Technaut
went to see Pierre again and said, "I've tried the
Speedo bathing suit, I've tried the potato but it
doesn't work".
Pierre looked at Technaut and said "Have you
tried putting the potato in the front?"
---------------
Little Johnny goes to school. His first class
is English, and the teacher wants the kids to
say what they ate for breakfast and spell it.
The first girl says "toast" -- t o a s t.
The second boy says "eggs" -- e g g s.
Little Johnny says "in nothing" --
f u c k i n g n o t h i n g.
The teacher stands him in the corner till
lunch. After lunch Little Johnny is allowed to
take his seat. The first class after lunch is
geography.
The teacher wants to know where the Polish border
lies. Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says,
"He's at home on top of my mom. That's why I got
ing nothing for breakfast!" |
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| dj_hysterix |
| LOL, The one with Technaut is ing hilarous ! :D |
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| KilldaDJ |
| the first blonde joke kills :haha: :haha: :haha: |
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| dj_mdma |
| roflmao, push up bottom! :happy2: :happy2: :happy2: :happy2: :happy2: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
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