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Jokes part 5 (naughty)
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| jploveparade |
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much. However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said...."I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married. She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis." Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!" "Yes it is. 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!" :D :D :D
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Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation on the Gold Coast. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, "One, Two, Three...Hup!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the ing bed!"
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The fire had been raging out of control for hours, pouring thick smoke over the street. At last the blaze was under control and the Fire Chief began accounting for his men. Two men were missing so he ordered a search. Captain Johnson finally rounded a fire truck parked in an alley and found, to his shock, one fireman with his trousers down leaning over a garbage can and another fireman screwing him in the ass. "What's the meaning of this?" the Captain roared. "Gibbons here had passed out from smoke inhalation," the fireman doing the ing panted. "You're supposed to give mouth to mouth resuscitation for that," the Captain said. "That's how we started," the fireman replied.
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A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?" She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it." He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and says, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell!"
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David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts ing her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!" The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's ing magic." |
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| Linx_da_cat |
A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?" She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it." He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and says, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell!"
OMFG...rofl |
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| dj_mdma |
| LOL infant sized penis! :haha: :haha: :wtf: |
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