| jploveparade |
Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Mummy calls Daddy, Tommy." Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a ing pig!"
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Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache. "I've got a beaut cure for a headache," said his mate Trev. "Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails." A week went by and they were in the bar again, talking. "Did you try my headache cure," asked Trev. "Yeah said Phil, worked great! Your house is nice, too!"
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A window cleaner goes to a monastery looking for work. The chief abbot tells him to clean all the windows except the top three, so the window cleaner cleans all the windows for years and years until curiosity gets the better of him and he puts his ladder up against the first of the three windows, he looks in and sees 12 monks with there robes up and their cocks lying on a table with a mouse running around on top of the table. The window cleaner goes down the ladder moves to the second window and looks in, there is this beautiful woman and a monk in bed ing like mad. The window cleaner goes down the ladder and puts it up against the third window, he look in and sees a monk tied up, stripped to the waist being flogged. He goes down the ladder, and when he gets to the bottom the Chief Abbot is waiting for him. The window cleaner says, "Look, I know your going to sack me, but please, at least tell me what is going on." "Well says the Abbot, "in the first window you saw a competition to see which is the lucky monk, where ever the mouse stops is the lucky monk. And in the second window you saw a monk with the prize." "But what about the third window?" the window cleaner asks. "Well," says the Abbot, "that monk was caught with a piece of cheese in his foreskin."
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Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop ing around, we won't bring you next time."
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It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy, "My name is Johnny hour". So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny hour. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class, "Do you have a hour in here?" "Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
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