| jploveparade |
The other day I went to a strip bar with a couple of guys. One of the guys gets into his wallet and flashes a $10 bill at one of the dancers. When she came over to our table, he licked the bill and stuck it on her ass.
The second guy with us decided he didn't want to be out done so he took a $50 dollar bill, licked it and stuck it to her other butt cheek.
Now the pressure was on me. As the dancer made her way towards me, I reached in my wallet and discovered all I had was a $5 bill.
Not to be outdone, however, I grabbed my ATM card, swiped it down her ass, grabbed the $60 dollars and went home!
----------------------
Johnny and Jim are camping in the desert. Early in the morning, while Jim is still sleeping, a snake bites his prick! "AAIIIIIII!!"
He panics, and John panics. "What can we do?" After talking it over, they decide that Jim should stay where he is, and Johnny should go for help.
So Johnny starts off and soon encounters a town where he finds the local doctors office. Johnny convinces the receptionist to let him quickly talk to the doctor. "My friend is bitten by a snake. What do we do?"
"What kind of snake was it?"
"It was about one meter long, sort of green and yellow."
"Whoa boy. Those are very dangerous!"
"What can we do?"
"The only thing you can do is suck the poison out. Otherwise your friend will die!"
So Johnny goes back to his friend and starts packing up his gear.
Jim says, "Well, what did the doctor say?"
Johnny says, "You're going to die."
----------------------
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"
----------------------
A man needs a room for the night. He stops at an inn and asks for lodgings. The innkeeper says that he doesn't have any rooms available but there is one big bed in a room that he can share with another man but he must warn him that the man snores so bad that no one can stand it.
The traveler says that would be fine. Next morning he comes down all smiles and tells the innkeeper that he had a great nights sleep.
The innkeeper was shocked and asked the man how he was able to sleep with all that noise.
The man said, "Simple, when I got in the room I leaned over and kissed the man on the cheek and said 'have a good night, beautiful'. He stayed awake all night watching me."
----------------------
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look too long." |
|
|
