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Jokes part 14 (warning: extreme funny!)
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| jploveparade |
Did You See That?
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says,
"Did you see that?""No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first
guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, the first guy says, "Did
you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking
on that hill, over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see
that?"
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he
says, "Yes, I did!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he
can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for
the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words that were used to put
the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."
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A car breaks down along the expressway one day,
so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder
of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens
the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.
The men stand behind the car, open up their coats
and start exposing themselves to the oncoming
traffic. This results in one of the worst
pile-ups in history.
When questioned by police why he put two deviates
along the side of the road, the man replied, "I
broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"
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There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly
beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided to
try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying the wife became pregnant and
sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy
baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to
see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to
see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that
he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered. then he gave her a
stern look and asked,
"Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time." :D :D
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The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and
he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess
Specialists) caught from the crew and how they
gave back as much as they got. He talked to the
Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the
cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they
served the meals to the sailors coming down the
line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a
willingness to serve them will reap great
benefits he told them.
After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and
the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being
served.
A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he
didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his
tray down the line till he got to the desert
section. He picked up a saucer containing a large
piece of chocolate cake.
The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all
you're gonna eat," he asked.
The sailor said, "yea, the rest of it don't look
too appetizing."
"The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "well in
that case would you like two pieces of cake."
The Chaplain smiled and hit the Food Service
Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them
some good."
The kid said, "yea man, I'd appreciate it."
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on
his tray in half, "I hope you enjoy them," he said
as he walked back into the galley laughing.
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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a
Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his
shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager
to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across
the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?"
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and
asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts,
take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish
this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a
pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I
are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered
to the mechanic...
..."Try doing it with the engine running!" |
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| johnson3161 |
| hahah very funny jokes but i think the baby boy was the best. |
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| Linx_da_cat |
| nice ones :) keep em coming |
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| dj_mdma |
| very funny, especially the ugly kid one :D :D :D |
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| Teknikol |
| quote: | Originally posted by dj_mdma
very funny, especially the ugly kid one :D :D :D |
haha yes that one is very good indeed! |
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| GT_TraNcE |
| ahhahhahhahahhah |
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| webmeister |
| prefer the mechanic one myself :haha: |
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