| jploveparade |
There is this guy who really takes care of
his body. He lifts weights and jogs five
miles each day.
One morning he looks into the mirror and
admires his body. He notices that he is
tanned all over, except for his penis, and
decides to do something about it. He goes
to the beach, completely undresses and
buries himself in the sand, except for his
penis, which he leaves sticking out.
Two little old ladies are strolling along
the beach and one looks down and says,
"There is really no justice in this world."
The first little old lady asks, "What do
you mean?"
"When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of
it."
"When I was 20 years old, I was curious
about it."
"When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it."
"When I was 40 years old, I asked for it."
"When I was 50 years old, I paid for it."
"When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it."
"When I was 70 years old, I forgot about
it."
"Now that I'm 80 years old, the damned
things are growing wild!!!"
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A bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and
takes her home with him.
He takes off his shirt and the woman says
"What a great a chest you have", The bodybuilder
tells her "That's 1000 lbs.. of dynamite".
He takes off his pants and the woman says "What
massive calves you have", the bodybuilder tells
her "That's 1000 lbs.. of dynamite"
He then takes off his underwear and the woman
goes running and screaming out of the apartment.
The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and
chases after her. He finally catches up to her
and asks her why she ran out of the apartment.
The woman replies, "I was afraid to be around
all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse
you have!!!"
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A juggler, driving to his next performance,
is stopped by the police. "What are these
matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?"
asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches
in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see
you do it."
The juggler gets out and starts juggling the
blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving
by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad
I quit drinking. Look at the test they're
giving now!"
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A new flood is foretold and nothing can be
done to prevent it; in six days the waters
will wipe out the world.
The leader of Buddhism appears on TV and
pleads with everyone to become a Buddhist;
that way, they will at least find
salvation in heaven.
The Pope goes on TV with a similar message:
"It is still not too late to accept Jesus,"
he says.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel takes a slightly
different approach: "We have six days to
learn how to live under water." |
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