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Jokes part 23 *Johnny is getting really rude*
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| jploveparade |
One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"
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Little Johnny's neighbor has just had a little boy. The only problem is that the baby doesn't have any ears. Everyone who comes to see the baby compliments the woman on it's looks, but no one mentions the fact that it doesn't have any ears.
Suddenly, the Mother sees Little Johnny coming over from next door. She becomes very worried because she thinks that he is going to make fun of the baby.
When he enters the house, he compliments the baby on everything without mentioning its' ears. Without warning, he says," he has beautiful eyes, does he have 20/20 vision?"
So she thanks him and asks why.
Finally he says,"Well, it's a damn good thing because if he didn't, he wouldn't have damn thing to hang his glasses on now would he?"
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Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
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One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand.
The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands.
"See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand.
"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."
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Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."
Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs."
The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"
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At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."
:D |
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| dj_hysterix |
ROFL ! 3-5,3-5,3-5...:haha:
LITTLE JOHNY ROX ! :toothless |
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| Flec |
| bahahahhah those are the best jonny jokes ive herd in awhile |
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| Maaz |
 These are quality!  |
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| Linx_da_cat |
| hahahah. good ones :D :clown: |
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| EbolaCola |
| little johnny=my hero :D |
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| Nadi |
| rofl, the toilet training one is the best. |
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| KilldaDJ |
horny bastard ROFL
:toothless |
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