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Divorce (pg. 3)
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| Silky Johnson |
| Heh, "rowing in the same direction." I like that! |
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| r5a |
man thats tough, sorry to hear that. all i can really do is echo what others have said and add on some things unsaid.
it gets easier man. it's ty right now but you dodged a bullet from the sounds of it, kids will understand in time and it's honestly better for them in the long run. kids pick up on unhappy marriages and i think it s them up, they'll be better off seeing you happy.
my best friend went through a divorce, he was completely blindsided by it. long story short is that in the end he's much better, he's found someone that fits with him way better than his ex and i'll likely end up being his best man (again). |
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| KilldaDJ |
so sorry to hear this nick
u did everything u could to put things right and keep the show going but ultimately its a toxic relationship. unhealthy for kids to be mixed up in all of this adult bull. better to truncate the relationship for emotions sake and remain amicable than to try to save something thats beyond economical repair.
its quite common it seems to get with someone and with time find out that u are both indeed very different. the hardest part is the end. its always the end. every single time. its much like a sunk cost fallacy.
i wont slag her off in this post as it yields no real benefit to anyone but im sure she had her reasons. some people are ed up and have deeply rooted problems. some of which are beyond ur reach. sometimes u actually drive them deeper into the hole if u try to interfere. almost like magnets repelling.
just take the time to reflect and work on urself and make time for the kids. u dont want them to be all ed up from this.
heartbreak and trust issues will eventually subside when u meet the right person. give it time and dont try too hard to look for a substitute of what u lost. u stand to actually gain from this chapter. a lot to learn and digest but that does add to ur wealth of knowledge and wisdom!
hope u feel better sooner rather than later |
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| OrangestO |
| quote: | | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J There's not much anyone can say to console you that isn't a cliché, but as that great cultural commentator Max Payne once said, "Everything is a cliché until it happens to you." |
Man, so true... love this quote.
| quote: | Originally posted by Silky Johnson
I will say, just the kid factor alone is challenging for even the healthiest marriages. |
Yup. I've emphasized this to a few friends before they recently married when they questioned whether it was the right thing to do. That alone is a red flag imo. But everyone and every journey is different. Don't do it because you feel lonely otherwise or pressured by external sources to follow the traditional path. Or simply because you're attracted to her or him and the freshness of your relationship is how you think it'll feel like forever. The euphoric experience of new love you enjoy will wane, especially when you have a kid. The chemistry you truly share will either help you overcome the obstacles you'll face or the lack of it will result in the eventual break, or worse, a life of misery. I really envy young people who have the maturity to know this (among many other life lessons) without enduring the suffering it takes for most to gain that wisdom. That said, I feel so fortunate to be with my wife and have her in my life. She's fabulous. I bust my ass as a husband and father, too, but it's because I know she deserves it and is 100% by my side. No doubts whatsoever. Polar opposite of what I dealt with before, so never lose hope.
| quote: | Originally posted by KilldaDJ
its quite common it seems to get with someone and with time find out that u are both indeed very different. the hardest part is the end. its always the end. every single time. its much like a sunk cost fallacy. |
People these days jump into relationships so fast. I mean, I remember Londoners doing it because they couldn't pay rent on their own.
For me, it took a ty relationship, traveling and meeting different woman around the world to find whom I feel I can drive this long road with until the wheels fall off. I know I'm lucky.
Anyway, I'm a bit tipsy on the rose. Didn't mean to make this about moi.
Hope you're staying positive for your kids and continuing to share your love with them without too much distraction to the vibe. |
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| Mebot |
Yup went through my own divorce from my wife in 2018. It sucks.
You don't ask her be with you for the rest of your life if you don't mean it. I still think about her every day. |
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| ziptnf |
Mentally preparing myself for all of the "firsts" to come. And I think there will be lots. For instance, I have already experienced the first holiday apart, and now recently the first time my soon to be ex-wife has stayed at her new boyfriend's house for the weekend. It's excruciating, all of it. The feeling of loss is something I regularly grieve, and still wonder if it was something wrong with me. Constantly being around her during this time has been such a challenge. It's like I want things to be as they were but they never will be. It's been hard to start the healing process when the physical separation hasn't fully happened yet.
The legal process has been unfolding, with financial disclosures and the division of assets looming. We will be selling the house in the spring. She's going to come out of this marriage with half of my retirement savings and more. It has soured me on the idea of ever being remarried, especially without a prenuptial agreement. It's almost like marriage is a gamble of your net worth on a relationship, which seems insane thinking about it. Or perhaps it's just an observation through my jaded lens.
It's painful for me, and will remain painful, but I'm doing my best to move on. Sorry if I'm using this board as group therapy, but the cor whores could use a bit of heavy life to read here and there.
The good news is that I'm currently in the best shape of my life, and barring injury I'm set up for a solid racing season next year. Using this stretch of time between now and my 40's to be really fit before age catches up with me. |
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| Silky Johnson |
That is ing brutal dude. Stay focused on the bright spots! Keep us in the loop, yo!
My sister once said some like she'd take her husband to the cleaners when they get divorced, and I found that so ing evil and gross. Like she was so hard done by this wonderful man. 🙄 |
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| Boomer187 |
Gotta marry up next time, then you get half of hers :wtf:
This is all a learning experience that changes you into who you will be, through painful, through fun, through challenging times. It all shapes you and your future decisions. Those might lead you to a new relationship where you go into it with new experienced eyes. Or it may not, either way you are growing and getting better. |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
Sorry to hear about all this, Zip. You too,Jack.
| quote: | Originally posted by ziptnf
Mentally preparing myself for all of the "firsts" to come. And I think there will be lots. For instance, I have already experienced the first holiday apart, and now recently the first time my soon to be ex-wife has stayed at her new boyfriend's house for the weekend. It's excruciating, all of it. The feeling of loss is something I regularly grieve, and still wonder if it was something wrong with me. Constantly being around her during this time has been such a challenge. It's like I want things to be as they were but they never will be. It's been hard to start the healing process when the physical separation hasn't fully happened yet.
The legal process has been unfolding, with financial disclosures and the division of assets looming. We will be selling the house in the spring. She's going to come out of this marriage with half of my retirement savings and more. It has soured me on the idea of ever being remarried, especially without a prenuptial agreement. It's almost like marriage is a gamble of your net worth on a relationship, which seems insane thinking about it. Or perhaps it's just an observation through my jaded lens.
It's painful for me, and will remain painful, but I'm doing my best to move on. Sorry if I'm using this board as group therapy, but the cor whores could use a bit of heavy life to read here and there.
The good news is that I'm currently in the best shape of my life, and barring injury I'm set up for a solid racing season next year. Using this stretch of time between now and my 40's to be really fit before age catches up with me. |
I’m sure you’ve done your due diligence and things are probably different to AU, but over here it’s generally a better idea to buy out the spouse and keep the house. Our market is nuts though i guess.
My best mate lost $2-300K from his super (401k) during his second divorce. That makes a person bitter, especially when there hasnt been an equal contribution to finances. She still begs him for money. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| I'd like to believe I'd never be so scummy and money grubbing. I do realize that people divorcing are in a much different place emotionally...bitterness, resentment, etc. But as it stands right now, I could not, in good conscience, walk away from marriage with anything more than what I earned myself and fairly contributed. All that would matter is ensuring minimal disruptions to my kid's life. Only a ing selfish weaponizes this. |
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| ziptnf |
| I understand the child support. I make 3x her salary, so it makes sense that I would help keep our standard of living (to what she can afford) for the sake of the children. Slashing my 401k and IRA is insane though and kinda ed up. I hope she doesn't go after my annual bonus as well. The ty thing is that she's legally entitled to half of it. Blood sucking vampire. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| quote: | Originally posted by ziptnf
I understand the child support. I make 3x her salary, so it makes sense that I would help keep our standard of living (to what she can afford) for the sake of the children. |
Exactly.
| quote: | Originally posted by ziptnf
Slashing my 401k and IRA is insane though and kinda ed up. I hope she doesn't go after my annual bonus as well. The ty thing is that she's legally entitled to half of it. Blood sucking vampire. |
Exactly.
lol |
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