| kewlness |
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst
way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll
just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of
shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe
you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set
on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he
spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water,
shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator
swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the
creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the
swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead
creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde
flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this
one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
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A blonde buys a handgun at a local pawn shop because she
thinks her husband is cheating on her. When she gets home,
she finds her husband in bed with a another woman. The
blonde grabs the gun out of her purse, loads it and points it
at her own head.
Her husband seeing this starts screaming at her not to
shoot.
The blonde replies, "Shut up stupid! You're next!"
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Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first
blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with
the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.
The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank,
stopped the car and said to Buffie, "I want to make
absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to
be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with
the cash. Do you
understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," replied Buffie.
Buffie went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway
car. One minute passed...three minutes pass...seven
minutes pass... and Judy was really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffie.
She had a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it
to the car.
About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the
bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming
out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his
ankles while he was firing his weapon.
As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, "You are such a
blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot!" snapped Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I
said, 'Tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!'"
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A blonde is on a plane sleeping when the guy next to her
says, "Let's play a game." She looks at him and tells him the
she doesn't want to and she just wants to sleep, but he keeps
bugging her until she agrees.
He tells her that he will ask her a question and if she
can't answer, she owes him $5.00, then she asks him a
question and if he can't answer, he owes her $50.00 etc.
So heasks, "Who was the last person to sign the Declaration of
Independence?"
She quietly hands over a $5 bill. She asks, "What goes up a
hill with 4 legs and down with 5? He has no idea so he gives
up and gives her $50.
The blonde turns back around and goes back to sleep.
Not 2 seconds later, the man wakes her back up and asks, "What
was the answer?"
Quietly, she reaches into her purse and gives the guy a
$500.00 bill. |
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