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[16+] Jokes part 44
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| jploveparade |
A father asks his son, now aged 10, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!", the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong. "Oh dad, " he sobbed, "at age 6, I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age 7, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. Then, at age 8, you hit me with the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really , I've got nothing left to live for!"
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Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, 'What's that Mommy? 'A little embarrassed, she tells him that is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, 'Where is your sponge mommy? 'Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says OK and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge.' What do you mean you found my sponge? "The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!'
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A little boy goes up to his father and asks: 'Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?' The father replies: 'Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500, 000.' The boy goes and asks his mother: 'Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500, 000?' The mother replies: 'Hell yes I would!' The little boy returns to his father: 'Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'' The father then says: 'Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500, 000.' The boy asks his sister: 'Would you have sex with your principal for $500, 000?' The sister replies: 'Hell yes I would!' He returns to his father: 'Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'' The father answers: 'Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores.'
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Doctor, the embarrassed man said, 'I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.' 'Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.' So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, 'Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas.' The woman obliged and removed her clothing. 'Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on.' While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside. 'You're in perfect health,' he said to the man. 'Your wife didn't give me an erection either.'
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An eight year old boy comes home from school and says "Daddy! Daddy! What is the difference between a and a ?" The dad says, "No, I cant tell you that! You're too young!" The son goes, "NO I'm not daddy! Please tell me." So the father says alright and takes the boy into the bedroom. When they walk into the room, the boys mother is fast asleep. So the dad pulls back the covers, and like always, the mother is lying there without any panties on. The father points in between her legs and says, "You see that? That's a !" The son asks, "Oooo! Can I pet it?" The father reply's, "NO! You'll wake up the !"
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A good Samaritan was walking home late one night when
he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help,
he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you
like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up
on the second floor, the good person asked, "Is this your
floor?" "Yep".
Then the good Samaritan got to thinking that maybe he
didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because
she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So,
he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through
it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back
outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk
"Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you
upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door
with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.
Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So
he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk
staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer,
protect me from this man.
He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me
upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"
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A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and
goes to live with a tribe there.
He spends years with the people, teaching them to read,
write, and the good Christian ways of the white man. One
thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin.
Thou must not fornicate or commit adultery!
One day, the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives
birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the
chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.
'You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here
a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the
only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It
doesn't take a genius to figure out what has been going
on!'
The missionary replies: 'No, no, my good man. You are
mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence -
what is called an albino. Look over there to your fields.
You see a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is
one black one. Nature does this on occasion.'
The chief pauses for a moment then says, 'Tell you what,
you don't say anything about the black sheep, and I won't
say anything about the white child.' |
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| cHiLD |
| good ones! :stongue: :stongue: |
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| Xo|oX |
| LMAO at the last one,.... LOOOOOOL! |
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| webmeister |
Best ones you've posted for awhile JP :)
bigups! |
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| dj_mdma |
| LOL heheheheheheh |
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