|
heya TO TA's
|
View this Thread in Original format
| LazerGuy |
Hey, y'all.
how is it going?
nothings better than french rap, right? haha, come on encourage me. baH! this is sad.. :(
i'm bored to death here in toulouse (which is in France for all you smart @$$3$, who want to be
even smarter). E*master thx for the CD's. At least that and some other trance livesets/tracks I had on my computer are filling the air around me with wonderful trance. (R&b & CO. AG makes LazerGuy sick, lol.) Listening to some crazier stuff right now..Judge Jules - Live from Aberdeen Scottland 12-29-00 to be exact. I really like it, especially the first couple of minutes, 56:36 and 1:40:50. Anyw. I was wondering if I could have access to the TA music sharing thingy..
dc12 is what it is called, I think. I'd be sharing my files with you guys once I get DSL PM me or email me, TIA. I found a couple of VERY interesting questions, stories and jokes on my backup drive (all FWs).
So if you are bored, keep reading and tell me which ones are your favorite ones. 5 and 8 are just to funny!
Here we go:
1.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire
herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing
a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of
the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs
for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much
will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man
agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that
she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the
conversation and said to her husband, "Does she
realize that the porch goes all the way around the
house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing
on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to
collect her money. "You're finished already?" he
asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I
had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a
Porch, it's a Ferrari."
2.
Three sisters ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night
the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells
down the stairs "was I getting in or out of the bath?". The 94 year old
yells back "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells "was I going up the
stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
her sisters. She shakes her head and says "I sure hope I never get
that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
3. Man/Woman
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .I've been looking for a face like yours!!!
HE: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Your face must turn a few heads!
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
HE: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
SHE: Unfertilized.
HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: I would go to the end of the world for you.
SHE: But would you stay there?
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest
dreams.
HE: I've been watching you from across the room.
SHE: Why don't you go back over there.
4.
Some day, a long time from now, President Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the United States and
Leader of the Free World."
Oh... Mr. President! What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"
Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't call it dope smoking because I didn't inhale. There were inappropriate extra-marital relationships, but you can't call it adultery because I didn't have full 'sexual relations'. And I made some statements that were misleading but legally accurate, but you can't call it bearing false witness because, as far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of perjury."
With that St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly, and declares, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call it 'Hell'. You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity'. And when you enter you don't have to 'abandon all hope', just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."
5. Learn Korean in 5 minutes.
1) That's not right.......................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive......Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP.........................Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man............................Dum Gai
5) Small Horse...........................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach.............Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table...........Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift..........Chin Tu Fat
9) It's Very dark in here................Wao So Dim
10) I Thought you were on a diet.......Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone.............No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week............Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight...................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ......Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odour is offensive.........Yu Stin Ki Pu
6. What would Jesus Drive?
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord."
7.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The location of the dirt bag.
Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.
What do you call skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
How are a tornado and an Arkansas divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
8. You don't know Jack Schitt!
For some time, many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss
when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Well, thanks to my extensive geneology efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,
the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie
Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe later married Ted Sherlock,
and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Deap Schitt married Loda Schitt,
and produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six
children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently
married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the major local
newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptuals. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and
Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from
Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
I suspect there are still some people on this board who don't know Jack, but at least I
made the effort to educate them, lol.
9. TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who
were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are
the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs. Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first, no peeking, and then scroll down for the answer.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler
And by the way, the answer to the abortion question:
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.
Remember amateurs built the ark -
Professionals built the Titanic.
10. Center of the Bible
This is pretty strange or odd how it worked out this way. Even if you are not religious you should read this.
What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?
Answer - Psalms 117
What is the longest chapter in the Bible?
Answer - Psalms 119
Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?
Answer - Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118
Add these numbers up and you get 1188
What is the center verse in the Bible?
Answer - Psalms 118:8
Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives? The next time someone says they would like to find God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His Word!
Psalms 118:8 (NKJV)
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man." Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?
11.
Are you "The Weakest Link"?
I am going to ask you three questions...
And you have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time you have to answer immediately.
O.K.?
Let's find just how clever you really are ...
Ready?
GO !!!!!
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second.
What position do you finish?
NOW! See the answer below..
Answer:
If you answer that you arrived first, then you are
absolutely wrong!!!
Because you overtake the second and you take his place so
you arrived second!!!
To answer the second question don't take as much time as you
took for the first question.
Second Question:
If you overtake the last then you arrive?
Answer:
If you answer that you arrived second last then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST !!!!
The question is wrong! You're not very good at this are you?!?!?
Third Question
Subject: Very very Tricky maths!
Note: This riddle must be done IN YOUR HEAD ONLY and NOT
using paper and pen. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
What is the total? (scroll down for answer)
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don' t believe it? Check with your calculator!
The decimal sequence confuses our brain, that always jumps to the
highest decimals (100s instead of 10s).
(LazerGuy’s comment: hmmm, this test question was stupid, don't believe me?? go check with your
calculator, wtf!?!?! the decimal sequence didn’t confuse me at all. What confused me was that my
brain was supposed to be confused.
LazerGuy’s friend: uhhh [pause] shaddap!)
That should have you in a bad mood for the rest of the day!!!
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK !! Goodbye. :-)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's all Folks!
:)=
LG |
|
|
| Dj-HordasH |
French rap owns
Marseille productions to be exact |
|
|
| LazerGuy |
hmm all they freaking play on the radio is french rap and 'american' rap. Not saying that I hate it but it is pissing me off, cuz they are always the same songs..
LG |
|
|
| brunette |
Wait, wait... you are bored to death in Toulouse!??
I don't get it :rolleyes: |
|
|
| fantom |
| quote: | Originally posted by brunette
Wait, wait... you are bored to death in Toulouse!??
I don't get it :rolleyes: |
Hehehee, I know what you're thinking... |
|
|
| torontotrance |
bored to death
go buy wider angle and hybrid:remix production....i got them today...so amazing. |
|
|
| TheDemon |
| Dude those jokes are in hilirious. LOL! |
|
|
| E*Master |
Ah Mein Guter Freund ist still alive :P. How are u enjoying home? the only french rap song I liek and still like is Menelik - Quelle aventure. That song is funky :D. Get your ass on msn sometime dude. I got no one else here to speak german with so hope u come back soon. I hope uwill have more fun soon. Take care friend.
BTW, how r those vinyls comin' along? |
|
|
| LazerGuy |
heya,
@fantom: I don't know what ur thinking :(
@torontotrance: any place I can download that song?
@TheDemon: Hehe I know :). I ove them too!
@E*Master: WinXP is being ghey. I can't connect to the inet, so I have to use win98se. I'll download MSN sometime today. For the vinyls, I can't find them in any stores, I'll prolly buy them online sometime.
So who do I have to talk to to get access to the TA music sharing?
LG |
|
|
| E*Master |
| quote: | Originally posted by LazerGuy
heya,
So who do I have to talk to to get access to the TA music sharing?
LG |
Bizz
EDIT!
Click there: www.arcobizz.com/emc
that is where u sign up :D |
|
|
| E*Master |
| quote: | Originally posted by Fir3start3r
Yea....don't PM Bizz though!!
Check out his website...
http://www.arcobizz.com/emc/
You can sign up there.
:toocool: |
Beat u to it :haha: lol jk |
|
|
|
|
