| jploveparade |
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What the hell is that all about?"
The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."
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The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he proposed, "Susan, if you will marry me, I have enough money to provide you with anything your little heart desires."
"Sorry John." she replied. "I'm not ready to settle down yet. And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I might see my way clear to rent you some."
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On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl. Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his penis.
He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation. Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion.
Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away."
Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time. He went to Dr. Chu Wong.
Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said "These Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop Chop. Amputation not necesally."
Joe was relieved.
Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own."
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During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
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A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.
The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.
"SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, who was lying at the young man's feet.
Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go.
"Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.
"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he s on you!" |
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