| jploveparade |
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or anything else I could think of.
But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
Here's why:
The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing the Taliban.
Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Then we have the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me and there you are, sitting on your ass at your computer reading jokes.
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It's thanksgiving, and this little boy is watching for the relatives to arrive.
He gets bored and goes to the bathroom, where his dad is shaving. He says, dad, whats that stuff on your face? His dad cuts himself and sais, ! The kid goes down to the kitchen where his mom is stuffing the turkey.
He says, mom what are you doing? His mom says in' turkey!
Suddenly the doorbell rings. The kid opens the door and the relatives are there.
The kid says 'hi my parents are kinda busy, my dad is in the bathroom wiping the off his face and my mom's in the kitchen in' the turkey'.
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The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes.
One of the old villagers came up to him and said. "Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?"
The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also as I left her in bed smoking."
The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to 'em!"
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A fellow went to his doctor complaining that his was feeling terribly sore. The doctor asked him to drop his drawers and bend over so he could take a look.
"It's amazing!" the doctor said, as he pulled a $20 bill from the fellow's anus. Another $20 bill appeared behind the first one, so the doctor pulled it out, too.
And then another! And another! And many more.
Finally, the doctor had pulled the whole pile of $20 bills from the fellow's ass, and began to count it.
The doctor mentioned, "There was $1980 stuck in your anus!"
And the fellow replied, "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand!"
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A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for her first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but got no response.
After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check. The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well.
"How old are you?"
No response.
The dentist then asked, "Don't you know how old you are?"
Immediately four tiny fingers went up.
"Oh," replied the dentist, "and do you know how old that is?"
Four little fingers went up once again.
Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked, . . . "Can you talk?"
The solemn little patient looked at him and asked, "Can you count ?!" |
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