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Its SO cold
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| sooper |
A weird thing happened to me this morning on my way to work:
I stepped out my front door into the winter wonderland that is our home(by winter wonderland, ofcourse, I mean freezing hell). Being so cold as it was, both my nipples instantly popped through the fabric of my coat, and my right one poked my neighbour in the eye.
Here's where things started to get a little bizare. Walking to my car, I heard a thin, unfamilliar voice wailing about the cold. I tried to pinpoint the source of this voice, and comprehend the muffled cries I was hearing.
Now, you might imagine my surprise when I realized that it was my penis, who had chosen this opportunity to voice his concerns regarding the morning's bitter weather conditions. I looked down in utter shock when it dawned on me that the pleas for rescue and warmth were coming from within my pants. I cried out in alarm, "Since when can you speak, penis?" To which he replied, "Since when do you physical abuse and torture your one true best friend?"
I thought that last comment was rather harsh, and rudely snapped back, "Hey listen, penis my friend, its not my fault that its so cold out today, and I'm suffering out here as much as you are." I thought my clear and simple logic would reach my penis, but I was wrong.
"Listen here, you dick," said my penis, "You get me to some warmth, or I'm leaving and I'm taking Wal and Pea with me." It was only then that I realized the severity of the situation. At this point in my life I could not afford to lose my guy, and my two nuts - not with all the internet porn that was at my disposal. I was going to have to negotiate like I'd never negotiated before.
"How bout, as soon as we are in the car, I blast the heat and aim all the vents right at you and your boys?" I offered, confident the whole ordeal would soon be over.
" you. No deal," barked my penis, "We won't settle for anything less than a beach in Spain." And with that, he unzipped my fly, and jumped to ground, carrying a nut under each arm, and took off down the driveway.
I was panic stricken. What would I do without my penis? My mind was racing with possible solutions to my predicament, already devising plans to build a new penis with pipe cleaners, elbow macaroni, glue and sparkles. Fortunately for me, I had some luck on my side this morning. I watched in glee as my penis wiped out on a slick patch of ice as he tried to escape to the street. He was down and out.
"Gotcha!" I yelled, as I scooped up my penis and shoved him back inside my pants. I then ran down the street chasing my nuts. Fortunately, nuts roll slowly on icy and snowy surfaces, and after half a block I caught up with them, and put them back in their place.
Running down the street must have increased my body temperature, because I didn't hear one complaint from my penis after I returned him to his home. Either that, or his pride was hurt. You see, it doesn't take much to wound the pride of a penis.
I don't hold grudges. I'm a nice guy like that. I got in the car, blasted the heat, and aimed all the vents at my penis anyway.
:toothless |
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| Time2Burn |
| You make me deathly scared to go outside! The last time this happened to me my boys didn't come back for a week. But oh the stories they had to tell! |
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| sooper |
| quote: | Originally posted by Time2Burn
The last time this happened to me my boys didn't come back for a week. But oh the stories they had to tell! |
But, but balls tend to exaggerate - did they at least bring you a souvenier? |
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| discojoe |
| quote: | Originally posted by sooper
A weird thing happened to me this morning on my way to work:
I stepped out my front door into the winter wonderland that is our home(by winter wonderland, ofcourse, I mean freezing hell). Being so cold as it was, both my nipples instantly popped through the fabric of my coat, and my right one poked my neighbour in the eye.
Here's where things started to get a little bizare. Walking to my car, I heard a thin, unfamilliar voice wailing about the cold. I tried to pinpoint the source of this voice, and comprehend the muffled cries I was hearing.
Now, you might imagine my surprise when I realized that it was my penis, who had chosen this opportunity to voice his concerns regarding the morning's bitter weather conditions. I looked down in utter shock when it dawned on me that the pleas for rescue and warmth were coming from within my pants. I cried out in alarm, "Since when can you speak, penis?" To which he replied, "Since when do you physical abuse and torture your one true best friend?"
I thought that last comment was rather harsh, and rudely snapped back, "Hey listen, penis my friend, its not my fault that its so cold out today, and I'm suffering out here as much as you are." I thought my clear and simple logic would reach my penis, but I was wrong.
"Listen here, you dick," said my penis, "You get me to some warmth, or I'm leaving and I'm taking Wal and Pea with me." It was only then that I realized the severity of the situation. At this point in my life I could not afford to lose my guy, and my two nuts - not with all the internet porn that was at my disposal. I was going to have to negotiate like I'd never negotiated before.
"How bout, as soon as we are in the car, I blast the heat and aim all the vents right at you and your boys?" I offered, confident the whole ordeal would soon be over.
" you. No deal," barked my penis, "We won't settle for anything less than a beach in Spain." And with that, he unzipped my fly, and jumped to ground, carrying a nut under each arm, and took off down the driveway.
I was panic stricken. What would I do without my penis? My mind was racing with possible solutions to my predicament, already devising plans to build a new penis with pipe cleaners, elbow macaroni, glue and sparkles. Fortunately for me, I had some luck on my side this morning. I watched in glee as my penis wiped out on a slick patch of ice as he tried to escape to the street. He was down and out.
"Gotcha!" I yelled, as I scooped up my penis and shoved him back inside my pants. I then ran down the street chasing my nuts. Fortunately, nuts roll slowly on icy and snowy surfaces, and after half a block I caught up with them, and put them back in their place.
Running down the street must have increased my body temperature, because I didn't hear one complaint from my penis after I returned him to his home. Either that, or his pride was hurt. You see, it doesn't take much to wound the pride of a penis.
I don't hold grudges. I'm a nice guy like that. I got in the car, blasted the heat, and aimed all the vents at my penis anyway.
:toothless |
shutup you .. its -40 here |
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| Time2Burn |
Yes do they ever!
They told me they went down to Cuba for the week to soak up the sand and sun. To prove it they showed me some crabs that they said they found on the beach. Unfortunetly these weren't the friendliest of crabs and they invited all their friends over with out my consent. This became a very itchy situation and I had to sned out an eviction notice because they over stayed their welcome.
Another thing about balls is that those two buggers can never get their story straight and I eventually discovered their true story. A week of drinking and debauchery in Regent Park. I slapped em around for going to the bad part of town but all that did was cause more pain.
We finally came to an agreement. I take em out more often and they stay put. I guess the crazy glue down there helps too.
:crazy:
(ok that was my sad attempt to communicate on your "sooperior" level --- I'll stop now... My apologies to all) |
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| bluE_Neon |
| quote: | Originally posted by sooper
A weird thing happened to me this morning on my way to work:
I stepped out my front door into the winter wonderland that is our home(by winter wonderland, ofcourse, I mean freezing hell). Being so cold as it was, both my nipples instantly popped through the fabric of my coat, and my right one poked my neighbour in the eye.
Here's where things started to get a little bizare. Walking to my car, I heard a thin, unfamilliar voice wailing about the cold. I tried to pinpoint the source of this voice, and comprehend the muffled cries I was hearing.
Now, you might imagine my surprise when I realized that it was my penis, who had chosen this opportunity to voice his concerns regarding the morning's bitter weather conditions. I looked down in utter shock when it dawned on me that the pleas for rescue and warmth were coming from within my pants. I cried out in alarm, "Since when can you speak, penis?" To which he replied, "Since when do you physical abuse and torture your one true best friend?"
I thought that last comment was rather harsh, and rudely snapped back, "Hey listen, penis my friend, its not my fault that its so cold out today, and I'm suffering out here as much as you are." I thought my clear and simple logic would reach my penis, but I was wrong.
"Listen here, you dick," said my penis, "You get me to some warmth, or I'm leaving and I'm taking Wal and Pea with me." It was only then that I realized the severity of the situation. At this point in my life I could not afford to lose my guy, and my two nuts - not with all the internet porn that was at my disposal. I was going to have to negotiate like I'd never negotiated before.
"How bout, as soon as we are in the car, I blast the heat and aim all the vents right at you and your boys?" I offered, confident the whole ordeal would soon be over.
" you. No deal," barked my penis, "We won't settle for anything less than a beach in Spain." And with that, he unzipped my fly, and jumped to ground, carrying a nut under each arm, and took off down the driveway.
I was panic stricken. What would I do without my penis? My mind was racing with possible solutions to my predicament, already devising plans to build a new penis with pipe cleaners, elbow macaroni, glue and sparkles. Fortunately for me, I had some luck on my side this morning. I watched in glee as my penis wiped out on a slick patch of ice as he tried to escape to the street. He was down and out.
"Gotcha!" I yelled, as I scooped up my penis and shoved him back inside my pants. I then ran down the street chasing my nuts. Fortunately, nuts roll slowly on icy and snowy surfaces, and after half a block I caught up with them, and put them back in their place.
Running down the street must have increased my body temperature, because I didn't hear one complaint from my penis after I returned him to his home. Either that, or his pride was hurt. You see, it doesn't take much to wound the pride of a penis.
I don't hold grudges. I'm a nice guy like that. I got in the car, blasted the heat, and aimed all the vents at my penis anyway.
:toothless |
sooper is the TOTA joker :stongue: :stongue: :haha: :haha: ;) |
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| Jayci |
| I'm a Vancouverite...I am in Ottawa right now :nervous: |
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| TheDemon |
| quote: | Originally posted by sooper
A weird thing happened to me this morning on my way to work:
I stepped out my front door into the winter wonderland that is our home(by winter wonderland, ofcourse, I mean freezing hell). Being so cold as it was, both my nipples instantly popped through the fabric of my coat, and my right one poked my neighbour in the eye.
Here's where things started to get a little bizare. Walking to my car, I heard a thin, unfamilliar voice wailing about the cold. I tried to pinpoint the source of this voice, and comprehend the muffled cries I was hearing.
Now, you might imagine my surprise when I realized that it was my penis, who had chosen this opportunity to voice his concerns regarding the morning's bitter weather conditions. I looked down in utter shock when it dawned on me that the pleas for rescue and warmth were coming from within my pants. I cried out in alarm, "Since when can you speak, penis?" To which he replied, "Since when do you physical abuse and torture your one true best friend?"
I thought that last comment was rather harsh, and rudely snapped back, "Hey listen, penis my friend, its not my fault that its so cold out today, and I'm suffering out here as much as you are." I thought my clear and simple logic would reach my penis, but I was wrong.
"Listen here, you dick," said my penis, "You get me to some warmth, or I'm leaving and I'm taking Wal and Pea with me." It was only then that I realized the severity of the situation. At this point in my life I could not afford to lose my guy, and my two nuts - not with all the internet porn that was at my disposal. I was going to have to negotiate like I'd never negotiated before.
"How bout, as soon as we are in the car, I blast the heat and aim all the vents right at you and your boys?" I offered, confident the whole ordeal would soon be over.
" you. No deal," barked my penis, "We won't settle for anything less than a beach in Spain." And with that, he unzipped my fly, and jumped to ground, carrying a nut under each arm, and took off down the driveway.
I was panic stricken. What would I do without my penis? My mind was racing with possible solutions to my predicament, already devising plans to build a new penis with pipe cleaners, elbow macaroni, glue and sparkles. Fortunately for me, I had some luck on my side this morning. I watched in glee as my penis wiped out on a slick patch of ice as he tried to escape to the street. He was down and out.
"Gotcha!" I yelled, as I scooped up my penis and shoved him back inside my pants. I then ran down the street chasing my nuts. Fortunately, nuts roll slowly on icy and snowy surfaces, and after half a block I caught up with them, and put them back in their place.
Running down the street must have increased my body temperature, because I didn't hear one complaint from my penis after I returned him to his home. Either that, or his pride was hurt. You see, it doesn't take much to wound the pride of a penis.
I don't hold grudges. I'm a nice guy like that. I got in the car, blasted the heat, and aimed all the vents at my penis anyway.
:toothless |
Thats just plain jokes:haha:.But we are expected to recieve two cold fronts,one from Alaska and the other from Youkons,so you and mr winky better get prepared for another one.I Just hope Iam not standing in front of you when you step out again.The thought of your nips piercing through your shirt is a scary Idea.:nervous: |
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| dEsidEL |
| mmmmmmmmzz.. Miami ........ mmmmmmmmmzz... Ibiza.. :toothless |
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| bluE_Neon |
| quote: | Originally posted by dEsidEL
mmmmmmmmzz.. Miami ........ mmmmmmmmmzz... Ibiza.. :toothless |
mmmmmmmzzz...keep dreaming.....mmmmmmmmzz :tongue2 |
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| Starfox |
| quote: | Originally posted by dEsidEL
mmmmmmmmzz.. Miami ........ mmmmmmmmmzz... Ibiza.. :toothless |
*gets his beach-chair to get a new suntan* :toothless |
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