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Jokes part 117
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| jploveparade |
A queer walks into a bar and says, "Give us a beer, thanx mate". And the bartender says, "Sorry we are closing!"
So he heads for the door. And the bartender says, "If you can stay on that mechanical bull for 30 seconds I'll give you a free beer!"
So he gets on the bull. It starts up and he's going nicly... After about 10 minutes he gets off and says, "That was fun!"
The bartender asks him how he did that.
He said, "Oh, my boyfriend's epilectic
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There is a young girl who has just joined the convent. After 6 months she is horny as hell, and decides to go out and find herself a man for one night.
Well, 9 months later, she gives birth to a beautiful baby girl and wonders what she will do.
She places the baby in the Mother superiors bed.
The next morning, the Mother Superior wakes up and is shocked to see a little baby lying beside her and she screams "Jesus Christ!! You cant even trust your finger these days!!!!!"
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A man walks into a doctors office and puts a note on the table in front of the doctor. The note says: 'I can't talk, help me!'
The doctor thinks for a while and says to the man, "Put your dick on the table here."
The man thinks this is a bit weird but does as the doctor said anyway.
The doctor takes a rubber hammer (which is usually used to test someone's reflexes) and hits the poor man's dick with it as hard as he can.
The man cries in great agony, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....!"
The doctor just says, "Good, come again tomorrow and we'll learn B!"
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Mr. Jones has an operation on his throat, so the only way he can get nourishment is to be force-fed with a machine, through the rectum. After three days of this, Mr. Jones calls for the nurse.
He groans, "Nurse, is there another one of these machines in the hospital?"
She says, "Yes, sir."
He asks, "Could you roll it in here?"
She says, "Of course, sir. But why?"
He grunts, "I want you too have lunch with me tomorrow."
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Two drunks are setting on a park bench. One drunk has his finger in the other's rear. A cop walks up and says "HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING."
One drunk says "My buddy is sick and I want him to throw up."
The cop says "That ain't no way to make him throw up."
The drunk says "You wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."
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A scraggly looking man walks into a bar and says to the bartender,"I want to buy a beer and a shot for everyone in the bar and get one for yourself too buddy".
The bartender pours the beers and shots and anounces to everyone that the drinks are on the friendly stranger. The bartender does his shot and then informs the man that he owes $125. The man replies, "Oh ! I don't have any money.
At this, the bartender beats the piss out of this gentleman and throws him out of the bar.
The same guy returns about three hours later and proclaims," Bartender!! I want to buy a beer and a shot for everbody in the bar, except for you, because you get violent when you start drinking". |
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| dj_mdma |
| wicked, the return of JP's Jokes! :D:haha: |
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