| jploveparade |
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his chauffeur, who
listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer
questions about morality and ethics.
Then one day the chauffeur approached the philosopher and asked if he
was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher
agreed and, for a while, the chauffeur handled himself remarkably
well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the
back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid
in an existentialist world?"
"That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in
fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he
will do."
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It seems that a man was brought to criminal cort for the murder of his
wife.
Judge: "Sir, you have been brought before me and stand accussed of
killing your wife." "What do you have to say in your defense?"
Man: "Well your Honor, I came home early and found my wife in bed with
my best friend and I shot her." "Thats all I have to say."
Judge: "I see nothing in the transcript that mentions what happened to
your best friend, would you please tell me what happened with him."
Man: " Well your Honor, I pointed my finger at him and said BAD DOG,
BAD DOG."
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A woman I work with is dating a doctor. She is also a grandmother. One
morning she was over at the docs house when her daughter-in-law
called, sort of frantic. It seems that her grandson had swallowed a
penny. The daughter-in-law wanted her to ask the doctor if she should
bring the boy in to be seen. When she asked the doc, he calmy replied,
"I don't think it's necessary, just watch him closely for any change."
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A poor,old woman sat there on her rocking chair on her
porch,reflecting back on her long life. She then spots something on
the garden path.She hobbles over to it bends down and groans in pain
from a sore back.She picks up the bottle and hobbles back to her
rocking chair.She gives the bottle a rub and:
POOF!
A Genie apears and says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle of
which I have been trapped for thousands of years!I grant you three
wishes.
The Old Woman thought.There was so many things she could wish for!She
says"For my first wish,I wish to be a young and beautiful woman again
with my life ahead of me!"
The Genie puts a mirror infront of the Old Woman and claps his
hands.Suddenly,she watches her body begin to change in the mirror.Her
skin tightens and her wrinkles dissapear.Her old figure becomes a new
curvy one.Her hair turns from grey to black and lenghthens so it is
long.She suddenly feels as if her chest is about to burst out of the
top of her dress!She watches as her stomach goes flatter and her legs
grow longer.Then the rest of the changes occur.
"Hey Presto" says the Genie."You are a beautiful young woman!"
The young woman stares in the mirror at her new lavashing beauty and
youth and says"Wow this is really exciting!,I look like I'm 24 again!"
The Genie says"Your second wish?"
The young beauty says"All my life I have been poor, please,I wish to
be the richest person this universe has seen!"
The Genie claps his hands and the woman watches as her tiny cottage
proceeds to grow into the biggest mansion the world has ever seen.The
small garden grows until it is massive with big blooming flowers and
fountains and right in the middle of the garden there is a 20ft statue
of the woman surrounded by fountains.On a driveway she sees that she
has three limos each a chauffuer standing next to each one.She goes
inside her mansion with the Genie and sees certificates like how she
owns Hollywood and bought Microsoft off of Bill Gates!She looks on a
table and sees her bank balance.It comes to a total of 6 billion
trillion dollars.She notices servants and butlers buzzing about the
house.
"Hey Presto!"says the Genie."Your are the richest woman this
universe!"
The young woman sits down on a chair which was hand made by Leonardo
Da Vinci."Wow",she says"Now that I am beautiful and rich,i suppose
that I will have men that only love me for my money and not for who I
am."
Just then the woman's cat wanders into the room."This cat has been my
lifelong friend.For my third wish,I wish that this cat turn into the
most handsome young man on Earth who loves me to bitsfor what I am."
The Genie claps his hands and dissapears.
Suddenly the old cat turns into the most handsome man on the planet.He
has jet black hair and a athletic body with rippling muscles.The woman
stares at him, smitten.He walks over to her and her legs go weak.He
rubs his hand along her body and stokes her hair.Then he whispers into
her ear"I bet your sory now for taking me to the vet and having my
d**k cut off"!!!!!
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Bill Clinton is walking around in the White House when he stumbles
upon a very old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it. Within seconds, a
genie pops out
"I will grant you but one wish" the genie says.
Clinton thinks it over, and says, "I wish for peace in the middle
east."
"Where is that?" the genie asks.
Clinton pulls out a map and points to the mid-east.
"Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how long they've been fighting
over there? There's no way I can stop that! Pick another wish
instead."
Clinton thinks it over and says, "I wish that the American people
wouldn't make fun of me and my wife, and that I will be remembered as
the best President of all time."
The genie says, "Let me see that map again." |
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