| WaxDog |
The transcript of the new Voice Mail service recently installed at the
Mental Health Institute:
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
-- if you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
-- if you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you now.
-- if you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
-- if you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call.
-- if you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the mother ship.
-- if you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
tell you which number to press.
-- if you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press - no one will answer anyway.
-- if you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
-- if you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the star and pound
keys until a representative comes on the line.
-- if you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden
name.
-- if you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
-- if you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
-- if you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
-- if you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
-- if you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
-- if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are
too busy to talk to you. |
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