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Is my friend being a *******?
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| Taranis |
So about 12 months ago, my friend met a guy, I think through Uni. He's incredibly dorky, no fashion sense, no confidence, weak social skills, and bears an incredibly unnerving resemblance to Napolean Dynamite (this has been commented on by many people upon encountering him, seriously it's creepy). Beyond this, he's also unaware/in complete denial of his state.
Anyway she befriends this dude and starts spending time with him, I'm not sure what went on because I only met him once or twice, but she said he was incredibly intelligent and she enjoyed her conversations with him. At first anyway. Eventually I think she starts to find his extreme geekiness/social ineptness makes her kind of uncomfortable being around him, and as he starts to fall for her, she starts trying to distance herself from him, mainly from just not initiating contact and avoiding meeting up with him with whatever excuse is conveniant. Fine, you'd think he'd take the hint. Except he doesn't. It's been 6 months or so since she stopped initiating contact, and he still calls every couple weeks.
At first, I thought it was a little harsh for her to befriend the kid, then just cut him off, but I guess sometimes you get to know people, and they aren't who you think they are. With almost any other guy, they'd get the point and move on, no real harm done. Except he keeps clinging on and trying to reinitiate contact with her. She refuses to just cut him off and say she doesn't want to have anything more to do with him, because she says she'd feel bad, so she just continually holds him at arms length, ending phone calls early, refusing to meet up with him, but never flat out saying that she doesn't want to know him anymore.
And personally, I feel kind of terrible for the guy. I mean sure, as she says, he should take the hint, but he obviously can't, and I can't help but feel bad for how she's leading him on, never saying yes, but always stopping just short of saying no, poor kid must feel terrible about the situation. I tell her she's being really rude to him and no doubt putting him through no small amount of emotional turmoil, and that guys aren't always the best at picking up on those insinuations women love to string through social interation, especially not guys as socially inept as this one, but she just insists 'he should take the hint,' and refuses to face up to the situation and cut him off because she says she'll 'feel bad.'
My mindset is that she's being far crueler by stringing him on than she would by just ending it. Sure it'd hurt him at first, but eventually you'd hope he'd move on, whereas this just drags it out.
So, thoughts? Is it his fault for not picking up on her hints, and does that give her to right to just lead him on because she doesn't want to face the moment where she has to tell him to stop calling? Or is she being rude and selfish by refusing to face temporary awkwardness/guilt so she can just cut him off and let him move on? |
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| Trance Nutter |
what is it with the Adelaide boys and drama today
'cept me, I have normal friends:haha: |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
haha.
women have no honour. she's far more concerned about herself and her own inability to cut him loose than she is about his feelings.
"please stop calling me". its not that ing hard. why do so many people struggle with honesty? |
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| Acton |
| i think he should just dance to Jamiroquai and everything will be fine |
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| Taranis |
| quote: | Originally posted by Trance Nutter
what is it with the Adelaide boys and drama today
'cept me, I have normal friends:haha: |
Normal is boring :p
It has been a rather eventful summer though, to put things mildly.
| quote: | haha.
women have no honour. she's far more concerned about herself and her own inability to cut him loose than she is about his feelings.
"please stop calling me". its not that ing hard. why do so many people struggle with honesty? |
That's pretty much my view, that she's doing him far less harm overall by just cutting him off, but she gets really ty at me whenever I accuse her of being selfish in this situation.
It's kind of odd though, because she's normally not at all the kind of person you'd expect to be doing this kind of thing. I guess there are some things that just come with having boobs though :| |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| quote: | Originally posted by Taranis
she gets really ty at me whenever I accuse her of being selfish |
yeah, they do that. no matter how right you are. |
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| Taranis |
| quote: | Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN
yeah, they do that. no matter how right you are. |
Yeah no joke. Not really much I can do for the situation though, if she flat out refuses to acknowledge it. Just feel sorry for the poor guy. |
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| Trance Nutter |
| oh yeah I will say she shouldn't string him along. Poor form. |
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| blacknoizybox |
| the text is too big. i can't |
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| Massive84 |
How is it possible that you could see that he was a super geek after 1-2 times meeting him, while your friend needed months?
So she knew that she couldn't be around these type of people yet she stayed.
I think more happend than only finding out that he was a geek... |
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| Fledz |
She's probably attracted to the needy part of him which is why she can't let go. She may think she doesn't like him but you don't control your emotions.
Women are just like that, unable to use their brain when it comes to relationships.
Cutting him off completely might be harsh but it's probably the best thing to do right now. Sadly though she won't do it so you might have to tell the guy to off. |
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| Taranis |
| quote: | Originally posted by Massive84
How is it possible that you could see that he was a super geek after 1-2 times meeting him, while your friend needed months?
So she knew that she couldn't be around these type of people yet she stayed.
I think more happend than only finding out that he was a geek... |
I think a) she knew, but overestimated her tolerance for it, and b) didn't know the full extent of it. I mean she obviously knew he was fairly geeky, but I think perhaps she didn't conceive how completely socially and mentally retarded he was.
| quote: | She's probably attracted to the needy part of him which is why she can't let go. She may think she doesn't like him but you don't control your emotions.
Women are just like that, unable to use their brain when it comes to relationships.
Cutting him off completely might be harsh but it's probably the best thing to do right now. Sadly though she won't do it so you might have to tell the guy to off. |
I've considered it, but I don't have much to do with the dude, I'm not sure if it would necessarily improve the situation for me to jump in and contact him to say 'she doesn't want anything to do with you, stop trying.' It would force the situation, unless he chooses to just flat out ignore/not believe me (which doesn't seem impossible actually, given the situation), but I think it would also greatly worsen whatever confrontation would then take place between him/her, as well as piss her off at me incredibly and humiliate him. |
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