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A few Jokes...
Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after
dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder
his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to
chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and
asks,
"Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks
"What?"
and he replies
"SEX!!"
Annabel exclaims,
"Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know", Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it
for a while."
"Well, I can oblige", says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and
removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet
secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel
would hold Howard's manhood.
Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and makes sure that he was O.K.
She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by
the pool with another female resident who was holding Howard's manhood!
Furious, Annabel yelled,
"You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don't have?"
Howard smiled and replied,
"Parkinson's."
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During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter
concluded that the behavior of President Clinton and Rep. Condit had
brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and
hard in a brain storming session to try to settle on the wording of the
new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style,
majesty and dignity as the original ten.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment
should be:
"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
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An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup.
The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.
"I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What
do you think about that?"
The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says,
"Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter.
He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he
accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.
So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a
beaver in some brush in front of him!
He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezed the
handle.
BAM!!!!
The beaver drops dead in front of him".
"That's impossible!", says the old man in disbelief, "someone
else must have shot that beaver".
The Doctor says,
"My point exactly."
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(heard this one allready ;-)
