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OK. What should I do about her. PART 2.. a response
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| Plaptop |
OK I started a new thread because the last one had too much information to it.. so here is what I got this evening..
"wow....um....i dont even know what to say. ive sat
here at my computer about a million times trying to
figure that out. i thought i just needed time to
think. time to process. time to reflect. everytime ive
drawn a blank. im going to do my best to let you know
what has been going on in my head.
first off, i want to thank you for your acts of
kindness. you did them becuase you care and i
appreciate that, i really do. and secondly i want to
appologize for not telling you why i dissappeared.
that was rude, and youre right, not something a self
proclaimed "nicest person in the world" would do. i
hope you understand after reading this why i just had
to take a step back.
i want you to know that it is nothing you did or didnt
do that "scared" me away. im ready for all those
things you talked about. i want all those things and i
believe they exist. i dont think it happens right
away, but as you get to know someone, you begin to
appreciate all they are. i think its fantastic that
there are guys out there that truly believe that too.
its not common.
so, after the last time we talked and i read your
email i started to think about all of those things and
what was my goal in life when it came to relationships
and began to reflect on my past relationships.
there is something that you dont know about me, first
becuase you didnt ask, and second becuase i dont like
to talk about past relationship with other guys,
it just doesnt seem right. so, anyway, what you dont
know is i met a guy about three months before i met
you. i was having all of those feelings you described
and things were seeming to be going along wonderfully.
then he began to look through my email and check my
chat log to see who i was talking to. this left me
feeling violated and confused. i gave him no reason
not to trust me and no reason to feel like he couldnt
just come right out and ask me. we had kind of a blow
out about it. ive always treated him with respect and
i thought that he respected me. that showed me he did
not. we ended things saying we needed to "take a
break" from eachother, collect our thoughts, and get
our emotions in check. i told him that i couldnt be
with someone i didnt trust and, in this time off, if
he couldnt come to terms with his jealousy, that i
couldnt waste my time becuase that was not my idea of
a healthy relationship and im at the age where i need
to stop just dating and playing games. im ready to
settle down and commit to one person. so i went on
with my life with little to no contact with him for
about 3 weeks. this 3 weeks is when i began talking to
you about getting together for coffee.
i had a wonderful time talking with you. i enjoyed
hanging out and was having an excellent time. it was
good to feel appreciated and it was nice to be able to
feel comfortable around someone so quickly. i totally
enjoyed your company.i kept thinking to myself, "wow,
this guy really has his together AND hes fun, how
can that be possible?" then i got that email from you.
first i want to make it clear that i wasnt scared or
put off by what i read. as i said before, i feel the
same way. the more i thought about it the more i
started to put it to practical application. i started
to think about hanging out with you and the feelings
and thoughts that went through my head. i know i
barely knew you at this point so it is not fair to
judge if anything could grow into that and i know that
you werent propositioning me to feel that with you
yet. i just started to think about what i had just
been through and how my feelings for this other guy
were still there, lingering in the back of my head.
this is when i realized i am not ready for any of
those things right now. anything that i start with
someone would probably be a messy rebound. and youre
right, you ARE a great guy, any girl would be lucky to
have you. you are attractive, successful, funny, blah
blah blah.....i want you to have all those things you
talked about. you totally deserve them. you are sweet
and caring and you need someone that can reciprocate
150% and the more i thought about it, the more i
started to feel sad that there is no way i could be
that person. the timing is all off and its not
allowing me to feel things that i should be feeling at
this point.
once i realized these things it had been a couple days
since i had talked to you, then i got the flowers. i
know its not fair because i didnt tell you i needed
the time or the space but, my initial reaction was "im
a bitch, here he is doing yet ANOTHER nice thing for
me and i dont feel like i can reciprocate and thats
not how it should be. i must be a bitch." so, although
it was far from your intentions i started to feel bad
about my behavior and about myself. this is something
i dont deal well with becuase i like to think that i
am a pretty confident and nice person. this totally
stopped me from contacting you to say thanks. who
knows, maybe i am a terrible person but then again,
maybe im just a sensitive person that has been screwed
too many times.
whew....anyway. with all those thoughts going through
my head, i started hearing from the guy i was on a
break with again and we decided to get together a
couple of times to see where we were at becuase we
didnt want to let things just lay there idle,
floating, unsure of what was going on. so, that added
another whole aspect and mess to things.
then i started to think about what makes me happy that
DOESNT have to do with the opposite sex. playing
music, getting hugs from my students, writing a new
song, hanging out with the band, coding the new
website. i asked myself if i felt like i was feeling
happy often enough and my answer was no. i feel like
im constantly trying to find extra time to do those
things i enjoy AROUND other peoples schedules. (this
isnt a stab at you, i know that you were more than
happy to see me when you could in between those
things). the whole thing is i start to want to
rearrange things to make other people happy. on one
hand this is good because its awesome to make others
happy and compromise things in your life to enjoy
someone elses company. i just feel with everything
going on that ive let too much of myself slip leaving
me unhappy alot of the time. think about what you know
of me. im generally a happy, bubbly, energetic person.
i dont let things get me down. i have a very strong
sense of myself and what i need to do in life to
remain successful and positive. right now, my life is
neither. thats not only unfair to me, its unfair to
anyone wanting to share their life with me.
urgh....i still dont even know what i am trying to say
here and it has taken me nearly a half hour to ramble
through these disorganized thoughts. this is why i
hadnt written yet or called. can you tell i dont have
this peiced together yet? i needed more time to think
this through but it was unfair to leave you hanging
and youre right, im a total bitch if i do that. i cant
be a bitch, thats probably why ive thought so long and
hard about this. i should have thought this through
more before i agreed to meet with you, but i didnt and
its done. i honestly wasnt expecting you to be as rad
as you seemed in your emails. but you were and i suck.
i guess i know what i have to do here and i will
probably regret it in the future but you are a
wonderful guy and you are also at an age where you
dont need drama and you dont need to be wondering what
you did to piss me off. especially since you dont know
if i am the one and its too soon to say if that is
even a possibility. greg, you are a fantastic person,
i cant do this to you. i cant risk potentially hurting
you and confusing you more. i realize that i have some
issues that need to be worked out in my head before i
move on with anything in life. i cant tell you enough
how hard it is for me to write this to you but i know
it is the right thing to do. i have to play the role
of a responsible adult despite my silliness and
maturity level. i am sorry if i put you through
unneeded stress and i certainly never intended to hurt
you. its just bad timing. the whole situation sucks.
im sorry i have to do this and if you care at all you
will respect that. i hope you find the happiness you
are looking for. you are going to make some girl the
luckiest person alive. i wish i could offer a more
accurate picture of what i am thinking, but i cant. im
sorry. i cant go on feeling bad about this and i cant
go on knowing that another person is getting hurt in
the process. thanks for all the nice things you said.
im going to shut up now becuase i know that at this
point it is futile.
im sorry."
Thoughts??? |
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| DJ_NRG |
| Sounds like she was pretty honest, at least. I'd say, move on with yourself. Keep in contact with her if you'd like, and who knows? Maybe in the future something more will come out of it. But, right now, I'd say don't press the issue with her anymore. It'll only likely drive her further away... |
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| Swamper |
Just be happy she managed to compose all that and it seems to be pretty honest...
It is a lot better than those that say they 'need space' and expect u to be in limbo waiting around..
I know where she's coming from though... you just caught her at an awkward moment in time - just be careful that in a few weeks she doesn't start yo-yo'ing between this guy and you as some sort of twisted comparison/competition of who she should go for. |
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| SoulSupply |
man, that one must have been soul destroying to read through. was in a kind of similar situation recently, but nothing so intense, with a girl who was going on about bad timing. last week she got back with her ex, which leads me to the following conclusion: she was lying. Unfortunately, there seems to be a pattern with women where they lie to u coz they think they're sparing ur feelings, when all they're doing is wrecking ur head. although it may be hard to accept, this looks to be the case here, and i'm sorry, even from reading her letter she kinda reminds of the girl from my expierience, very cool, lots of fun, but really deep and reads into emotions alot. not a bad thing, unless ur of the same type, becoz people like that dont go well together. im rambling, ill just say this: dont think about her, it'll only drive u mad, and if u hear that she's got back with the guy who looked through her stuff, itll hurt but it'll also prove my point and will make getting over her a lot easier.
good luck man, |
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| UWM |
WHEE!
More relationship threads. |
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| DJ_NRG |
| quote: | Originally posted by UWM WHEE!
More relationship threads. |
Don't know if you saw it or not, but this thread is a follow up to THIS THREAD, which actually proved to be quite interesting and entertaining for the better part of today. :D |
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| Dj onE |
Homegirl has ISSUES!... "...but it was unfair to leave you hanging
and youre right, im a total bitch if i do that...." ...she did...BITCH!! ...dont waste your time bro :rolleyes:
.dJonE. |
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| DJ Sketch-E |
| All I have to say is, Welcome to my world!! |
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| Vivid Boy |
| *coughbull* sorry for being blatent about it...but its true....that was a pile of sculpted to make a beautiful statue....but my friend it still reaks... |
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| whiskers |
| quote: | Originally posted by UWM
WHEE!
More relationship threads. |
ROFL!!
| quote: | Originally posted by Vivid Boy
*coughbull* sorry for being blatent about it...but its true....that was a pile of sculpted to make a beautiful statue....but my friend it still reaks... |
LOL, don't listen to Vivid, the last time i talked to him in the chat, he tried to cyberrape me, and we're both male FFS! :D:D:D
well, it seems to me that in a few weeks she might realize what she lost... but it could be too late, who knows. just move on, i guess.
MAN, TA DRAMA IS TEH BEST!!!!!!!! |
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| CKYTEP |
burn on cd and send her:
Markus Schulz - You Won't See Me Cry (Deepsky's Desert Farewell Mix).mp3 |
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| occrider |
| Ok I'll be serious for once ... from reading parts of the email, it looks likes she's just fronting and putting on a load of bull to convey the fact that she doesnt give two s about you and wants this other guy. But then again, she's writing a VERY long email to you trying to explain why she hasn't called you, what she's going through, and essentially telling you like it is for better or for worse. Overall, it doesn't seem like she's playing you (except for the part about you making another girl extremely happy) so much as she seems like she's trying to explain herself. Either which way, she seems nice and I would give a nice yet noncomittal response. Don't infactuate yourself with her. Just say that you understand she needs some space and some time to sort things out ... and when and if she's ready, to get in touch with you. But DON'T obssess with her or go out of your way to sacrifice any more time for her. These are her issues, nothing you can do. |
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