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suicide (pg. 10)
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| tiesto14 |
| quote: | Originally posted by neo geo
im still here and i want to thank all of u for your support.I am still in the same situation ive been in and each day is a struggle to live.Im so sick of being ed up in the head. Im so scared of myself.I cant eat lately and my sleep paters are all ed up.Im tired of going through this , i have been going to doctors since i was 11 years old for depression.I have come to grips that i prob will end up pulling that trigger one day but for now im stuck fighting the misery. I look at life of paying bills and having to raise kids and struggling through life and i dont want to face that anymore. The doctors keep feeding me all these meds and they dont even know the long term side effects of all the drugs, the drugs themselves could be killing me. I know its not manily to cry but i cant hold back the tears. I cant find out why there is so much pain and anger inside. There is only so much talking to friends u can do and u are still at point a.
god help me |
**********READ ALL OF THIS I PUT ALOT OF EFFORT INTO IT FOR YOU********
Hey man...so glad to see you didnt do anything stupid.....
Your feelings are like most peoples...life IS hard...noone said it was going to be easy....all WE can do is keep pushing and make the best of it...and once and awhile some fun things happen along the way.
You say you are scared of yourself....why?
....I have so many friends who feel like they WANT to commit suicide...and i have also...and me and my friends have all been afraid that one day we might just lose it and do the unthinkable...and that IS very scarey....but remember that these are JUST thoughts...nothing more nothing less...whenever you get them just occupy yourself with ANYTHING...jerkoff if you have to...do anything to escape it for that moment...
This IS NOT to say that you do not need proffesional help...because i really think you should talk to your family, friends and a counselor...anyone who will listen....NEVER be afraid to ask for help....it is your bodies defense when it is weak....
If you don't exercise i suggest you start RIGHT AWAY...start with walking until you can run up to 30 minutes EVERY day....or swim if you have access to a pool...reason i say this is because exercise builds natural endorphines in your body which fight off anxiety and most importantly depression...
At first you will HATE it and you wont see any change...but i assure you after a month or two you will see a radical change in your mood...it will not be the cure all but it DOES help...
I also suggest picking up some vitamins ...such as a 100MGs of B-Complex..which you should take once a day EVERYDAY...B vitamins, mainly B6, help raise serotonin levels in your brain which are your bodies natural defense aggaisnt depression...
Lack of serotonin CAN and WILL make you VERY depressed...you know the drug E right?..well if you havent taken it i am sure you have heard people say they feel GREAT...well thats because E raises your serotnin level to very high amounts...but i do NOT suggest taking E...not only does B Complex raise serotonin levels..but so does a supplement called 5HTP...which you should also take EVERY day...
You definatley have a low serotonin level...ALL people with your thoughts and people with depression do...i know i do...it is NOTHING to be ashamed of...billions of people lack it....but there are so many ways to raise it above normal...i have suggested a few supplemnts that will work...
Also if you drink caffeine...SLOWLY ween yourself off of it...caffeine contains Aspartame...which LOWERS serotnin levels dramatically....so cut that out also...but becareful not quit caffeine all at once because you can get serious withdrawel symtoms...you have to do it slowly...
I can only hope you do not pull the trigger one day like you said...but being as you are posting on here about this, i can say that deep down inside you do not....
I, as well as my friends are the same way...we THINK and FEEL like we want to...but when it REALLY comes down to it - we just want to live WITHOUT the pain...we dont want to die...nor do you...you just want to be like everyone else and be happy....
You probally look at all the other people in your life and ask yourself why you can not be like them...why cant YOU be happy, even though you are going through rough times...but i assure you, they are saying the same things inside...see everyone goes through this...it is OK...you are NOT...i repeat NOT alone....you just may be more sensitive then others...which is fine...it just means things affect you more then others and you need more help then others...
Never feel shame in asking for help....people commend others that ask for help....
You say you dont want to pay bills and all that bull...well sadly there is noway to avoid that....but again everyone else does also...be happy that you are young and can make money now for the future...
I suggest you do this...each month take $100 out of your check and put it away...invest it in mutual funds..anything..just aslong as it is making money and you can not touch it...because if you JUST put away $100 a month (which is NOTHING) then when your 50-55 you will have around 1.6 MILLION...yes i said 1.6 MILLION dollars...give or take....because your money will be doing whats called compounding....
So read up on investing that little amount and that way you wont have to worry about money when your older...see now we are getting somewhere...
As far as other bills go...well nothing you can do about it...but atleast i showed you an option to save and have a load of money for the future...and if you cant do $100 a month do $50....either way you will have ALOT when your retired, unlike other people...
So when your older and all your friends didnt do this - YOU will be the one living happy and NOT..i repeat NOT depressed in your golden ages...while they will have to work a job to make ends meet...YOU WONT...
Back to the other bills....do you live alone?...wait thats right you said you lived at home...so i can not see you paying too much in bills....if you have a cell phone get rid of it....use quarters at payphones for the time being until you can afford it...if you smoke QUIT....limit your weekend spending money to $50 each night...i really do not know what other bills you may have so its hard for me to help....
EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE has bills...did you know that the MAJORITY of Americans are in DEBT...even people who make millions are in debt....dont sweat that...if you have bill collectors on your ass, simply call them up and tell them you can not afford to pay so much...most, if not all, will let you pay a low monthly payment of $20...this way you have extra money for yourself, or to put away...and you wont have to pay all your money to them...
Who told you it wasnt manly to cry??????????.....thats a bunch of BULL!!!!!....a REAL man admits his weaknesses and can cry....its a coward that doesnt....never think that...never.....
I am 28...and i have crazy problems...which i wont post on here (but if you want email me and i will share them and you will see i have just as many problems)...
I gurantee you i have been where you are right now..and i get SEVERELY depressed EVERY winter...i get whats called winter blues where from October to March i am very down...so it takes alot for me to make it through...but each year i find a way to make it a little easier then the last...see thats what life is about...its about growing...let me tell you something that i heard once...
Firstly...NEVER...and i repeat NEVER say you have a problem...always say you have NO problems...you have only challenges...problems won't shape your life, but challenges will help you grow...
OK here is what i heard...it's called the "circle metaphor"...it is hard to explain through typing but i will TRY...
OK picture yourself, your being, your existence as a small circle ( it may make it easier if you grab a pen and paper and draw a diagram)..so draw a small circle in the center of the paper and write "ME" in the middle of it...this circle represents you.....NOW...everything inside the circle is situations/challenges that you already are capable of handling, they are within you your realm of comfort...but everything outside is challenges you do not know...challenges that are scarey, challenges that are new to you...so outside the circle draw an "X"...not a big "X" but a small "X"....this "X" represents a challenge that has just bombarded your circle of existence....what ineveitabley happens if you ignore that "X"?...of course another "X" aka challenge aka problem hits your circle...now you you have 2 "X"s to deal with...and what happens if you dont deal with THAT "X"?...you guessed it - another one..isnt that what ALWAYS happens?...the minute one problem aka "X" comes MORE come...liek they attack in armies....This keeps happening till 1 day you suck one of those "X"s into your circle and FIX (FACE) that particular "X" problem...then what happens?...well the minute you allow that "X" in and solve that problem your CIRCLE aka YOU GROW!!!!!!!...so now draw YOUR circle around the first "X" it's bigger isnt it?...because you GREW!!!!!...then you move to the next "X" and BAM!!!! you grew a little more...not alot but you grew....Now those things that were once problems before are within your comfort zone and you can face them whenever they come back...the more you grow the more your being grows....see the purpose of your life is to expand...the root definition of "problem" is "to throw forth"...makes sense right?
This was more of a fun and useful way to face problems rather then thinking you can solve all of them and there wont be anymore, because you will always have problems...the question is whether you let them make you grow...or let them sink you...
You probally are wondering why of all people "tiesto14", me, is writing so much to help, considering i tend to be an on here...well the reason is simple...I as well as most of my friends deal with this...we are older then you and have been where you are...and i can tell that it is very scarey...
I will not bull you and say it is not...i know the feeling you have inside as if soemthing wants to jump out and scream or fight or soemthing, ANYTHING!!!!....
It tears at you and you feel liek it will never go away....and you know what? it may not ever go away..you may always feel ty now and again...but the importnat thing to remmeber is that so do I, so do my friends, so do millions upon millions of people each and every day....
Be happy you havent turned to drugs...that, in itself, shows that you have respect for yourself...so thats one thing to be proud of...be happy you have your health, maybe not mental health,,,but physical....and i ASSURE you they are one in the same at some point, thats why i suggested exercise DAILY!!!!....
I know right now each second feels like an eternity and nothing in this world can fix your pain...and you may feel like that for some time...but liek i said in my first post...you HAVE TO improve youself...you have to write down everything you dislike about your life right now...and then place them inorder of importance...importance being which seem liek the worse to you...then you have to NOT feel overwhelmed by looking at the list.... my first list was 4 pages long so dont think it is too long...
So once you have the list go place it in order....now go to number 1 on the list (the CHALLENGE that bothers you the most)...then ask yourself 2 questions while looking at it ..
1. How will i feel if this problem was nolonger in my life?
2. What are 3 ways i can fix this problem?
I know it sounds corny..but it works..
So now you have the list and its in order and you have asked yourself the 2 questions...
The answer to question #1 ( how will you feel if the problem is gone)...FOCUS on that...pay so much attention to the FEELINGS you will have, the laod of wait off your back if that problems was GONE forever...and focus on that till your head hurts...because if you focus SO much attention on how you will feel you will build up so much determintaion and momentum to fix it, as fast as you can....
THEN go to question #2 (3 ways to fix the problem)...try all of them...do not get discouraged if 1 donest work or even 2 or even 3 of the ways....they may not!!!...just go back to the drawing board and think of MORE ways to solve that challenge....you may say that those 3 not working was a failure...but your wrong!!!!...
They where not failures...when Edison harnessed elctricity his assistent kept a jouranl of all the times Edison ed up...and on Edisons 9,999 attempt to do it he FAILED!!!!...his assistent turned to Edison and said "what are you going to do wait till you fail 10, 000 times before you give up on your stupid idea?"...Edison then said "what do you mean?"...his assistant then said "that was your 9,999 failed attempt"...Edison then said "NO IT WASNT...THAT WAS THE 9,999 WAY I KNOW "NOT" TO TRY AGAIN"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you see my point?...there are NO failures...you just have to keep searching and trying different ways to get over each challenge on your list...but rememebr each attempt that did not work is not a failure..it is just not the way to do it and now you know...so try a different way....
So make your list and fix each one...do not expect to fix them all in a day or even a year....
I wrote my list over 6 years ago...and i am still fixing them...but thats what life is about...its about growing...about having fortitude through the life gives you...
You said before that is is not manly to cry right?...well then you also must beleive that it is not manly to give up without a fight...so fight!!!!!
WOW i think i wrote a novel......look in all honesty i am here for you...even though i do not know you....i mean i know you from here..but you know what i mean....but i WILL help you ANYWAY i can....
Another thing before i go for you to remember....
Have you ever seen the movie Home Alone 2?...you know with Macaley Culkin (SP?)...when he gets lost in NYC and meets the bag lady...well when he was in the attic of the church him and the bag lady started to talk...and he said soemthing that made alot of sense to me and i awlays rememebred it...
He was trying to teach her something, i think about her family, and he started talking about his rolerblades he got last year for his birthday...
He said he loved them so much, he cleaned them every day BUT never once wore them because he was scraed to ruin them..
They never where used, not even once...the bag lady then said to him what happened to them...and he said "I OUT GREW THEM"....
The point that i got out of that little story was that - we as people should not worry so much about things we dont have and enjoy the things we DO have....i used to find myself always worrying about things i did not have until i saw that movie...now i appreciate the things, i overlooked, that i DO have before they go away...like the way he out grew his rollerblades...i dunno made sense to me =)...
So take care and email me if you need to..i PMed you my email and my AIM...so if you need me i am here...it is up to you if you use the resourse i gave you...
It is also up to YOU to change what your not happy about....many people face alot worse things in life and survive..i see no reason why you cant also...but YOU are the only one who can start the change for the better...the better life...
Best Wishes |
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| Maaz |
| quote: | Originally posted by N|te-L|fe
I agree, workin g out is the key, when you feel well in your body, it changes every way you think and you are 1000 times more motivated then when you lay down and watch TV |
hhmm... it depends on what he chooses to do. Back in the time I was depressed, whenever I went to the gym I was sad because I couldn't get much motivation to do those repetitive exercises.
However, I've always enjoyed Tae Kwon Do :) |
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| N|te-L|fe |
| quote: | Originally posted by Maaz
hhmm... it depends on what he chooses to do. Back in the time I was depressed, whenever I went to the gym I was sad because I couldn't get much motivation to do those repetitive exercises.
However, I've always enjoyed Tae Kwon Do :) |
But I'm sure you felt tons better AFTER the workout |
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| igottaknow |
wow tiesto14 thats one heck of a post. A few things i'd like to add
1. material posessions ie money dont make u happy (especially in the long term). so about bills problems and job situation isnt the root cause of ur unhappiness. I often catch my self thinking if i only had this or if this hadnt happened to me id be happy. Thats a crock of , happiness is a state of mind, an attitude, and how we react to the world.
2. while u sound like u've got a chemical imbalance responsible for ur depression, dont use it as crutch to rationalize that its impossible for u to overcome it. So take ur meds, but dont rely on them to "cure" u. I dont know if ur gettin counseling but that is equally important for a positive out come.
3. like tiesto said u need to try different things to help u deal with ur condition. Find a way to fill ur mind with positive thoughts so there isnt an room for negative ones. |
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| Busy Child |
Neo geo, i dont mean to sound apathetic, but there are millions of ppl out there that are far worse off than u are. Quite frankly, your first post did not move me at all. The fact that youve been goin to the doctors since 11 and been taking medicine since then . . . sucks. You're right, the medicine might be worse off for u in the long run, but the fact that youre contemplating suicide proves that you care more about wat is happening currently and not the long run. You complain about paying bills, living with youre parents at 24, you have a dead end job, you have no gf. . . . . . .and im just thinking wtf? All of that can change tomorrow and you wont even be able to live it cuz u already commited suicide.
first off, youre gonna be payin bills all your life, that aint going away. Secondly, the fact that you're still with your parents and they have been takin u to the doctors since you were 11 should show u that they still care for u and at least someone still loves u. Then you complain about having a dead end job, you have no gf . . . . .and youre talkign about suicide? Besides your medication issue, i think me and about 90% of the ppl here on the message boards have been worse off than u.
I cant really say anything more cuz im not on medication like u are, but perhaps you need to get yourself into a support group for depressed ppl like u. i hope you find someone that is on medication like you are so you two can compare who is worse off and I guarantee u that telling everyone that youre depressed cuz youre 24, living with parents, have a dead end job, and have no gf isnt gonna mean to anyone.
just remember: TIME IS THE HEALER and maybe as time goes by, things will shape up for u. |
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| Busy Child |
| quote: | Originally posted by tiesto14
**********READ ALL OF THIS I PUT ALOT OF EFFORT INTO IT FOR YOU******** |
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee |
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| Dj_Psygnosis |
| quote: | Originally posted by Busy Child
Neo geo, i dont mean to sound apathetic, but there are millions of ppl out there that are far worse off than u are. Quite frankly, your first post did not move me at all. The fact that youve been goin to the doctors since 11 and been taking medicine since then . . . sucks. You're right, the medicine might be worse off for u in the long run, but the fact that youre contemplating suicide proves that you care more about wat is happening currently and not the long run. You complain about paying bills, living with youre parents at 24, you have a dead end job, you have no gf. . . . . . .and im just thinking wtf? All of that can change tomorrow and you wont even be able to live it cuz u already commited suicide.
first off, youre gonna be payin bills all your life, that aint going away. Secondly, the fact that you're still with your parents and they have been takin u to the doctors since you were 11 should show u that they still care for u and at least someone still loves u. Then you complain about having a dead end job, you have no gf . . . . .and youre talkign about suicide? Besides your medication issue, i think me and about 90% of the ppl here on the message boards have been worse off than u.
I cant really say anything more cuz im not on medication like u are, but perhaps you need to get yourself into a support group for depressed ppl like u. i hope you find someone that is on medication like you are so you two can compare who is worse off and I guarantee u that telling everyone that youre depressed cuz youre 24, living with parents, have a dead end job, and have no gf isnt gonna mean to anyone.
just remember: TIME IS THE HEALER and maybe as time goes by, things will shape up for u. |
*BOWS DOWN
100% agreed. |
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| [N]ûk|êû[Z] |
| neo geo, sorry this is such a short answer but ive gotta go to work, but dont do it man, 7 months ago i tried to kill myself, i toook and overdose, full bottle of vodka, and a full pack of paracetamol, dad found me unconcious on my bedroom floor, ended up in hospital, lifes been wank for the last 7 months, until about a molnth ago. i now have a great job, meeting lotsd of girls, i feel great again, after so many years of depression, i now finally see that there is hope, you just gotta wait for it unfortunatly , hang in there buddy |
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| pvd420 |
| quote: | Originally posted by neo geo
I know its not manily to cry but i cant hold back the tears.
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that. anyone who has had any kind of depression in their lives knows that it's ok to cry and get it all out, regardless if you are a guy or a girl. anyone who says otherwise is an ignorant ...
i hope that you can find the strength deep inside of you to make it through this. we are all pulling for you. good luck... |
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| DrUg_Tit0 |
| I'm glad to see you're back. Anyway, what you have to realize is that life is what you yourself make of it and that no person or medication will help you much about it. You just have to keep trying things you want to do, and if you make a mistake and fail, don't consider it a failure, consider it a new experience that will help you not make that mistake again, an experience that will therefore just bring you closer to your goal. You just have to start working on yourself. It is a slow process, I know, and you won't change into a great individual overnight, but it will happen after some time. Determination is the key. You have to be determined you want to improve yourself, and it will eventually happen. And as some people here said, exercise indeed does help. But it only helps in the long run. You won't be feeling better after a week or so at the gym. It will take months. But when you see your body condition became better than that of most other people you know, that in itself will boost your morale way up. Maybe the best exercise for you would be to start running in a park or something. I know if you're depressed you will likely feel uncomfortable about it, but after you break the ice, you will see all the positive sides to it. Excercising in fresh air will make you feel way better. Besides, it's a great chance to meet some other girls that are running around. Try to go forward and speak with one of them when you get the chance. Most likely nothing will happen or you'll screw it up. But then examine your actions and see why it went wrong. Then meet another girl in the same way and avoid the mistakes you made with the first one. Sooner or later you'll do it the right way and then you'll be surprised at how fast things will begin to unwind. If talking to unfamiliar girls is a problem for you (like it was for me), try talking to unfamiliar guys first, until you gain enough confidence in approaching people. And try to slowly lay off the medications. Their long term effects will most likely screw you up even more. |
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| kr00t0n |
| Tiesto14, you just earned alot of cred in my book :) |
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| dj_moonshine |
| quote: | Originally posted by Clyde77
amen brother! what a ing tranceaddict in training! he should get fukin banned!! when i saw the first lines ofhis post i thought he was in around. but this bitch was for real... :whip: berson you're an . fckin come to my territry and ill get your fcukin head cut off (my ninjas are ready):whip: |
i agree with u man, i offered him (berson) a z103.5 cd, maybe that will make him stfu.
glad to hear from u neo geo,:) :) just move on with life, things will get better. whenever im in a situation like u, i just go in my room, turn off the lights and listen to some trance, and by doing that, i feel much better after.:) :)
p.s. i dont listen to dj danny d trance.:D |
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