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jokes
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| CATHAIN |
>Knock, knock.
>
>Who's there?
>
>The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been
>killed.
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>
>A man walks into a pub.
>
>He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
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>Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
>
>She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
>low self-esteem.
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>What do you call a cat with no tail?
>
>A manx cat.
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>Why do undertakers wear ties?
>
>Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
>appearance has a degree of gravitas.
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>How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
>
>One.
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>Why do women fake orgasms?
>
>Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
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>Two men are sitting in a pub.
>
>One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men
>coming in and out of your wife's house.'
>
>The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her
>drug habit.'
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
>
>Being raped.
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>
>Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
>and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
>off.
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>
>Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
>
>Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell
>pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
:conf: :conf: :conf: :conf: :conf: :conf: :conf: :conf: :conf: :conf: |
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| gwrmarines |
| Those are the worst |
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| CATHAIN |
Sorry yea they really are.
:rolleyes: |
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| Vlad |
Ok, let me donate some jokes to this thread to atleast give it 1 or 2 laughs.
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.
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How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they are all true.
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What do you call many blondes standing next to each other ear 2 ear?
A windtunnel.
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3 blondes were driving to Disneyland, they approached a sign that said "Disneyland left," so they turned around and went home.
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This is not an intentional ploy to insult blondes, I love blondes very much - they make me a better man. :toocool: |
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| Stéphanie |
| quote: | | What do you call many blondes standing next to each other ear 2 ear? A windtunnel |
:haha: :stongue: :haha: |
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| razzi |
wtf?? so random!
love the blonde jokes. i mean, love the blonde non-fictional stories haha
+1
lol |
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| Trazedict |
a lame attempt to be like renegade.
maybe they are funny to you, but to me those jokes are explained to much, instead of being completely random and making almost no sense to the question of the joke.
The one about what's worse than finding a maggot in an apple? being raped. is on the right track at least... |
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| TwoPlow |
Q: What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree?
A: A baby nailed to 10 trees
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of dead baby and rootbeer...
Q: What's the difference between a pile of bricks and a pile of dead babies?
A: You don't move bricks with a pitchfork
Q: What do you get when you stab a baby with a four-inch knife?
A: An erection.
Q: What's the difference between dead babies and heroin?
A: The look on the cop's face when he finds twenty-five pounds of it in your trunk.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?
A: One's fun to eat, and the other's a watermelon.
Q: What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A: A baby in a trash compacter.
Q: What's the difference between a baby and a tree?
A: One is legal to hit repeatedly with an ax.
Q: What's more fun than tying a baby to a clothesline and swinging around at 200 mph?
A: Stopping it with a shovel.
Q: What do vegetarian ogres eat?
A: Cabbage Patch Kids.
Q: Why does a doctor have hot water ready while delivering a baby?
A: If the baby is dead, you can make soup.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
A: You can't a rock.
Q: How do you find a dead baby in the woods?
A: Very satisfying.
Yeah, thats what I thought. Nothing can beat the dead baby jokes. |
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| Vlad |
| Those dead baby jokes are funny and hurt at the same time. |
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| Vlad |
Bill Clinton & the Pope died on the same day. There was a mix up & Bill went to heaven & the Pope went to hell.
The Pope complained to the devil but the devil said the mix up could only be corrected 24 hrs later.
24 hrs later the Pope was on the way to heaven & Bill on the way to hell. They met on the way & they had a conversation.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
Bill: Never mind
Pope: I always wanted to meet the VIRGIN Mary
Bill: You are a day late!
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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had
to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the
Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a
religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the
Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to
stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.
The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to
represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could not
speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it was
decided that this would be a "silent" debate.
On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat
opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his
hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and
raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe
pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a
communion wafer and chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an
apple. With that, the Pope stood up and said, "I concede the
debate. This man has bested me. The Jews can stay."
Later, the Cardinals gathered around the Pope, asking him what
had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to
represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to
remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.
Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all
around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was
also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to
show that God absolves us of our sins. He pulled out an apple to
remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I
do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Rabbi Moishe,
asking what happened. "Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me, 'You Jews
have three days to get out of here.' So I said to him, 'Up yours'.
Then he tells me the whole city would be cleared of Jews. So I said
to him, 'Listen here Mr. Pope, the Jews ... we stay right here!"
"And then?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Rabbi Moishe. "We broke for lunch." |
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