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Christine Vielia
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| Fraggle |
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| quote: | DjDarling wrote on Today 07:54:
hi...I know you don't know me or anything, I just saw your post in the chill out room, about the relationship, and you said you just got out of one. How the hell did you do it?! and are you happier now?
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Hey, that's fine...sometimes it's easier to tell your stories to strangers than familiar faces :)
Umm...where to begin? I met a girl, Christine from Sydney, a year ago in November (2002) while I was studying final year in Canberra (about 3 hours drive). We met on ICQ, and chatted regularly while she was studying for exams, and pretty soon (in a couple of days) she asked to phone me...the first time I made the excuse 'cos it was late & didn't want to wake/disturb my housemate, but soon after that I gave in & we talked on the phone. We became pretty good friends, and eventually I was moving back home to Sydney for the Xmas holidays. So one night, soon after I got home to Sydney, I phoned her to ask if she'd like to go out for some supper (cake & hot chocolate on the harbour). It was great, and I knew our feelings were getting stronger...but then before Xmas, I dropped around to her house one night, to give her an Xmas present (teddy bear)...and gave her a kiss on the cheek as I left. I was in-love. Anyway...that should have been the first sign our relationship was going to be difficult...after that night, we had a big fight 'cos she thought we were just being friends, but obviously a kiss on the cheek to her meant I wanted more.
That was just the beginning...our relationship was full of mis-communication and misunderstandings, but alwasys it was love that kept us together. She's from a different culture, Indonesian-born Chinese, while I'm Chinese, but pretty much 100% Australian in every other way. The first misunderstanding was that in her way...a couple, isn't a couple until the boy asks the girl to be his girlfriend...my intention was always just to be friends, and if something more develops, then wonderful, but hopefully we could be close friends. Despite these conflicts, we spent much time together, and virtually every-night since that first phone call we would talk to each other on the phone...every night! I kid you not.
I knew, but I guess I tried to ignore it, or hope it would change...but she was absolutely high-maintenance, princess type person...I mean nothing demeaning by that, infact that could possibly be part of the reason I fell for her so badly...but I think, in trying to ignore it, I also didn't put much attention into it. Almost everytime we had a fight, I'm disappointed to admit, that it would be her to try and contact me first. That's what I most regret now, with such sad hind-sight. Although God knows, I loved her with all my heart (maybe I still do...but it's hard to tell with so much hurt & pain there too)...I would do anything for her...drive back from Canberra every 2nd weekend to spend everyday (classes were only Wed-Fri) with her...and on the lucky occasion her family wasn't home, or I'd book a city hotel, the night too.
We went for a holiday without telling our parents to Melbourne...it was kinda easy for me, seeing I just skipped a week of class & my parents just thought I was in Canberra...she told her parents she was going, but with friends, not me. I even went to her uni classes and sat in with her, just to spend precious moments together...and we'd regularly go for a drive down to the beach and just hold each other in the car, find an icecream parlor and catch something to eat afterwards...then drive to the gardens and sit in the car watching over the harbour until as long as we could. Every moment I was in Sydney, I'd try to be with her...I know people say couples in relationships need their own time & space...but we thoroughly enjoyed being together and spending time with each other.
Anyway, beneath all this, trouble was brewing...since her parents found out she was dating me, they've been thorougly against it. Difference in cultures her Dad said. I don't understand the way they think, and their customs. I have to agree tho, while there is such a difference, and it is true most of our disagreements arose because of misunderstandings...it pains me to think, why can't love overcome such things? :(
And then the end was to begin...her parents wanted all the family to go back to Indonesia over Xmas holidays (Christine, her younger sister & older brother all lived in Sydney, while the parents live in Jakarta & visited once or twice during the year). We knew it would be difficult while she was going home...and even tho I told her how much I would miss her, I was disappointed when she told me off for being so emotional. But we promised to keep in-touch, and I'd buy a phone card to call her. Then, a few days into her return home...she told me that she'd met her ex-boyfriend, and that she'd let him hold her hand and even kiss her. I was deeply hurt, but she explained that she couldn't help herself, because all the while it was happening, she was telling herself it was me there instead of her ex-. Anyway, we didn't keep in contact for a few days, and I never bought a phone card to talk to her...we only ever chatted on ICQ/MSN or SMS sometimes. So I decide I want to forgive her, and we begin chatting again, only for her to tell me she wants a break. I thought she meant to break-up, so we had another fight after she told me all the trouble about her parents disagreeing with the difference in cultures, and I was pretty shocked to hear she agreed with the too...seeing all the time I had known her, she'd pretty much done things her way, and quite often seemed to rebel against her parents (pretty easy when they're in another country mostly).
And so, I had told her that what her Dad said, didn't make sense. Since that day, she's seemed to have held it against me...using it everytime we discuss our breakup.
Eventually, her friend got a phone card and passed it onto me, and I got in contact with Christine. A couple of times in early January 2004 we'd had friendly chats and even seemed to be going well...but then we had another fight, I'm thinking it was over the same stuff, but it's so hard to remember all the details of each fight we've had...I know it seems uncaring, but truly, I am a forgetful person by nature :( And, so our "break" turned into a breakup...I called a couple more times after that in February, and the first time I pleaded, begged, cried for her to give another chance at our love...but she just blamed me for anything she could think of and as far as I can honestly say, acted like a total during the whole conversation. The next call was calmer, but she just said it was pretty much over, and she had no intention to try and fix things. Then I never heard from her until she got back to Sydney, 1st March 'cos uni started that week. When she left, she was supposed to return on the 22nd Feb, but it wasn't until I told her I was going to send some flowers for Valentines, that she told me she'd changed flights to the 1st. Ever since the day she left, I was so looking forward to the moment I could see her at the airport and hold her in my arms and kiss her on the lips :( But now it looked like that wasn't going to happen.
I had tried the flowers to her home in Jakarta (despite the fact I knew she'd be really pissed off if her parents found out who the flowers were from)...but I still care about her, and althought maybe not today, but at that time, still loved her with 100% of my heart. Anyway, the flower shop in Australia messed up, and underquoted me the price, but the Indonesian shop they were being sent from never informed their Australian shop and the flowers didn't arrive. They gave me a consolation of 3 dozen roses, but I could only send them to a Sydney address...so I had to wait until she returned to send them.
So, on the Monday 1st, she sent me an sms to thank me for the roses. I know it was very rude of me, but I was hurt by the lact of contact (we hadn't keep much contact for the past 3-4 weeks, and it was really difficult on me after being used to at the very least talking a couple or few hours on the phone everynight and being together every second week)...but I send a reply saying I don't know why she bothered to thank me, since she didn't really mean it.
Then on the Wednesday, I drove to her apartment and asked if we could meet. She returned my minidisc I'd lent her to use on the plane and a mobile phone I'd bought for her when hers was stolen from her bag. I asked her again, just to hear her voice & see her in person, if it was really over...then she just said "I can't"...she said 'cos she can't disobey her parents, but I have the feeling she doesn't feel for me the way she once did...because I know before, she would have wanted to try & fix things, or at the very least, contact me if we'd had a fight. Now, it seemed she'd given up.
And so, in my heart I finally gave in that she no longer wanted our relationship :( Although I still dream we may meet again for some odd reason, and maybe rekindle something together...but I really don't see that happening the way we broke up...I tried calling her that night, to ask if she still want to keep in contact, as she'd previously said on a couple of occasions if we'd every break up, she'd still want to be friends afterwards. But after a short talk, she hung up saying she never wants to contact me again. Then twice I called, and twice she picked up only to hang up straight away. Since then I've only seen her pop up on MSN, but never dared to say anything to her or call her.
It's been worse through the breakup because I was feeling depressed not only about the heartache, but also having no job & no money...basically I was thinking of going insene...pacing the house all day, scrambling for something to do, to busy my mind, but failing miserably. I was so used to having someone always to talk to, or someone I could drop in on and spend as long as we could together, doing anything...but now everything was so empty and lonely.
Anyway, I started a temp. job at my friend's work on Thursday (he'd phoned me just before I went to Christine's apartment) and that's been wonderful the past 2 days to stop my insanity...but last night I'd dreamt about Christine (it was so vivid, we were lying on the carpet in the toy department, hugging and kissing)...and this morning was very depressing at work, but after lunch things picked up & by the afternoon I was feeling much better.
So, here I am today, now, this minute...writing these memories (although I'm sure there are mistakes as I really have a terrible memory).
I apologise for the stupid lenght of this message, but it seems just a stream of thought, and very unplanned, I am sorry for that. I'm not much of a good writer either :p
Hopefully some people can relate to this, and gain comfort in knowing there are other people, sharing this planet that deal with the same trouble, same triumps, and feelings, and the same love. If just one person feels some comfort from my experiences, I will be glad to have done this :)
Anyway, although I still think of Christine everyday & everynight...I'm hoping sometime soon I can finally let go and ease the heartache & pain...but for now, it's still a lonely & depressing journey. But I must say thank-you, to friends and strangers, who have made it a journey somewhat easier to bear than totally alone.
peace. |
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| Boomer187 |
wow, that was freakin long. but I think I read it all.
time to meet new girls. Smile at the past, but move on chief. |
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| BLuEOcEaN420 |
| hehe talking to you on icq right now but....wanted to say; i really feel your pain. :( its scary how relationships change over time. it hurts... being addicted to someone though you know you cant have them and you shouldnt want them... even talking on the phone, once its become a habitual thing, so hard to force yourself not to call them...:sadgreen: they say love conquers all but ive lost faith in thinking that... yeah love is great but sometimes, love just isnt enough to make things work. |
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| Fraggle |
| quote: | Originally posted by BLuEOcEaN420
sadgreen: they say love conquers all but ive lost faith in thinking that... yeah love is great but sometimes, love just isnt enough to make things work. |
hehe...thanks miki :)
so true...
yeah i have to say, it does hurt, and i was always one to think love could conquer all...but seems the harsh reality is like what you said, just isn't enough :(
yeah Boomer...it's the only way...
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| AnotherWay83 |
dude, you need to move on. u're in uni, you're too young to get so serious. this is the time to around and spread diseases. :cool:
lol j/k.
but seriously, it seems like she has gotten over you, you're gonna have to move on...good luck |
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| Mr. Pink |
I'll admit...I didn't read the story at all. I just looked at the pic and was like "woah...they're showing me the peace sign"
anywayz...from what I did see....girlfriend, long time, she moved on, you're sad.
I had a GF for 4 years, my first and only GF....
college broke it off, plus she was a hoe. lol
but still.....it's always best to look forward to something good in the future... i always say...
you have to overlook your present pain and foresee future happiness.
It's the only way to move on.
Accept the pain for what it is....and look onto brighter and better days.
Goodluck. |
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| PhloTron |
bummer dood..it's good to vent it out sometimes...it puts things into perspective...and lets you know that you certainly are not alone with events like these...been there...done that...etc...even venting to a message board can be good....alas you are bound to get this response:
Time to hit up the Strip Clubs :D
:thepirate |
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| Dmatrox |
you 2 are cute together...awwww :)
well, its too bad it didnt work out. but i mean, you gotta move on, easy to say, hard to do. However, dude you gotta find a girl thats more independent than her, as you described her as a "princess" type and "high maintainence".
best of luck (sorry i have no usefull advice, im useless :p )
:) |
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| BLuEOcEaN420 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Fraggle
hehe...thanks miki :)
so true...
yeah i have to say, it does hurt, and i was always one to think love could conquer all...but seems the harsh reality is like what you said, just isn't enough :(
yeah Boomer...it's the only way...
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its hard to stay optimistic but i try to think... "its better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all..." |
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| UglyDave |
haha! didn't read it as it's too long..
but damn that gif kicks ass :)
the wee 2 finger one rocks :)
whatever the post it about, i hope it workd good for u! |
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| Tudo Beleza |
Hello,
I just read your message and feel real bad for you. I am going through the same situation, i love a girl, but it can't be, so my heart says love her, while my mind says move on. Always a battle.
All i can say is that it will get better with time, just keep on being busy and talking to friends i think... Because if you are alone you will start thinking about it and that is not healthy. May be later you can think about it all, but right now, it is to raw to think about it.
Just try not to contact her anymore... it is hard, but you must do that, or you can never break free.
IT is good (not in happy way) that there is other people like this in the world.
Pat |
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| DigiNut |
| quote: | Originally posted by BLuEOcEaN420
its hard to stay optimistic but i try to think... "its better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all..." |
Clichés won't help him at all here. That's why guys shouldn't take advice from women (no offense, but you always bring emotions into it). Fraggle, what you need to try to do is NOT think, period! And that means getting the hell out of the house and into (a) someone else's pants, (b) trouble with the cops, or (c) a bottle of tequila.
Seriously though, I may not follow my own advice perfectly but that's what you gotta do, the fact that you wrote that just goes to show that you spend WAY too much time still thinking about what happened! Just say to yourself, it, she's a ho, her parents are hoes, her brothers and sisters are hoes, and no girl is worth that much of your time unless she's putting out at LEAST that much of her own time.
Do that, and one day you'll have a revelation: you'll see yourself or hear yourself as if you were seeing or listening to someone else, and suddenly you'll realize it's all a bunch of bull mind games and you'll be free of them simply because you can see them. See my status. Don't ever settle for a "maybe", don't think to yourself that maybe she's just shy or afraid or has been hurt in the past, because when a girl really wants something, she'll make it so damn obvious that it'll make your head spin.
Quit brooding guys. Stop feeling with your hearts and start thinking with your dicks. We're men. That's what we're designed to do. |
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