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Share your jokes!! (pg. 3)
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| Coup |
| quote: | Originally posted by Electric_Hybrid
Ok here is a dirty joke.....:) THE HORSE FELL IN THE MUD.:D |
OMG! That is the sadest thing ive EVER read! i didnt get it coz its soooo sad! i got my ex to explain! man u need a slap! :D |
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| AnotherWay83 |
huh? coup..u actually got that one? u gotta explain it to me...its like the eigth wonder of the world for me...
peace |
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| Coup |
| its like a new league of sadness! a "dirty" one, "mud" the horse is rolling in the mud therefore getting "dirty" its a dirty joke coz the horse is getting dirty in the mud coz its rolling in it! sad i no, ur prob sitting there now thinking omg! lol! think we should all go and find hybrid and tie him to a post and .......:p |
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| rawkus rowan |
| paddy and murphy (they are irish for all of you that don't know that) decide to go for their lunchbreak one day, and murphy says to paddy, "where shall we eat our sandwiches, in the middle of this road, or on that wall over there?" Paddy replies, "I think, in the middle of the road would be nice." So they sit down to eat their sarnies, two minutes later a lorry comes speeding round the corner, swerves out the way so as not to hit paddy and murphy sitting in the middle of the road, and goes crashing straight into the wall. "Good thing we didn't sit on the wall" says murphy!:p |
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| Fraggle |
hehehe, good jokes rawkus :):):)
...i think the library one is pretty funny!!!
& why is it so hard to get the mud joke!?!?!...it explains itself :p:p:p!!! hehehehe!!!
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| Renegade |
Here ya go. :)
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bulldozer.
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What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?
Snow balls.
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Why did the plane crash?
The pilot was a banana.
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What's red and not there?
No tomatoes.
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Why did the boy fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
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What's white and climbs trees?
Refrigerators.
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Ok, there were 2 sausages frying in a pan. One of them says "Boy, it's getting hot in here," to which the other replied "Wow! A talking sausage!"
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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
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Why does Batman drive the batmobile?
Because it's his car.
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A dog went into an employment agency looking for a job. The lady at the desk said "With your talent, you'll easily get a job at the circus."
"The circus?" echoed the dog, "What would the circus want with a plumber?"
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Cause it was stapled to the elephants head.
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Why did the fish fall off the bike? He was a fish.
What's the difference between a grape and a chicken? They're both purple except for the chicken.
What happened to the man who fell off the cliff? He died.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree? cause it was dead.
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was on the other ones back.
Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? Cause he thought it was a game.
Why did the man fall off the bike? Cause he was hit by falling koalas.
Why did the second man fall off the bike? Cause it was a tandem bike.
Why did the Irish hitchhiker get up early in the morning?
To avoid the traffic.
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Bravest man in the world? The peanut vendor; he whistles while his nuts are roasting.
What did tarzan say when the elephant sat on him? "Argh!! Get the off me!"
How do you know when things are really getting serious? A blind man likes the spice girls.
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Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart?
He heard boys pants were half off.
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Why don't lions eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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What's red and shaped like a bucket? A red bucket.
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What is brown and sticky? A stick.
What is black, white, and a zebra? A zebra.
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Man 1: "Ask me if I'm an orange."
Man 2: "Ok. Are you an orange?"
Man 1: "No."
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What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
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Hear about the ice cream van ?
It Melted !!!
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What's purple and goes slam slam slam slam?
A four-door grape.
What is black and goes slam, slam, slam, slam?
A four door raison.
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What did the elephant said to the naked man?
"How can you breath thru that thing?"
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Two men were sitting at a bar.
Man 1 said to man 2: "Excuse me sir but you have a banana in your ear."
Man 2: "I'm sorry but I can't hear you."
Man 1: "I said you have a banana in your ear."
Man 2: "I'm sorry I can't hear you, I have a banana in my ear."
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How many members of a boyband does it take to fit a lightbulb?
5 - one to fit it and 4 to do a dance routine around him.
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Why do fish live in salt water?
'Cause pepper makes them sneeze.
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Sorry. :D |
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| Spad |
This guys goes into a bar with a sack over his shoulder. He sits at the bar, puts the sack down and orders a beer, but then realises he doesn't have any money.
"How about I show you something really cool instead?" he says to the barman.
The barman agrees, so the guy digs into the sack and pulls out the most amazing thing the barman as every seen. It's a tiny man, about a foot high, playing greensleaves on a miniture grand piano.
"That's amazing" says the barman. "Where did you get him?"
So the guy tells his story. Seems he was clearing out his loft and he found a lamp. The lamp is special though, because whenever he rubbed it a genie would come and grant a wish. Now obviously the barman wants a piece of the action and offers the man free drinks all night in exchange for a go on the lamp. The guy agrees and gives the lamp to the barman. He rubs it, closes his eyes and says "I want a million bucks". Nothing happens. About five minutes later the guy is downing his 3rd beer and the barman starts to think he's been tricked. Then suddenly. A duck appears on the bar and goes "quack". Then another. Pretty soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Your lamp doesn't work" the bar man says to the guy.
"I know" the guy replies. "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?". |
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| rawkus rowan |
| renegade, oh my god, laughing my ass off!!!!!!:D:p:D |
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| Henkie_henk |
Some jokes might offend you :)
What's the only thing better than winning the special olympics?
Not being retarded
Why did the plane crash?
Because the pilot was a carrot.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the first one.
Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.
Why did the kid fall off his bike?
Because he was hit by a plane and three koalas.
what does michael jackson have in common with mcdonalds?
36 year old meat between two, eight year old buns
Why does Michael Jackson endorse pepsi?
Because he too likes the taste of the new generation
Q: Why do women have breasts?
A: So men will know to whom to pay the lower salaries.
Two peodophiles on a beach. One turns to the other and says: "Get out of my sun"
Nassssstaaaaayyyyyy :)
Bye |
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| trancaholic |
Some very great jokes up here. I'm not sure if this kind of humour is universal, but it's quite popular around here..
Jack from the big city was forced to move to a small community out in the country for buiseness reasons. He was used to being looked up to, so he was dying to impress the simple townfolks. He thought this would be easy having a fast car, an up-to-date wardrobe and a huge house there. However none of his efforts were paying off - the townfolk simply shrugged off the symbols of his wealth.
Over time it became an obsession for Jack to win these peoples affection. Finally one day he got hold of a hunting dog - a very special hunting dog with the unique ability to walk on water. It was one hell of an expensive dog but this had to be the thing to impress the simple minded people in town.
Quickly he gathered a hunting party from the city and they drove off to a nearby lake. After a couple of ducks had fallen dead into the water, all the other dogs jumped into the lake to fetch the prey. However, Jacks dog simply ran across the water passing all the other dogs. Jack glanzed around at his hunting comrades awaiting gasps of awe. After a moment of silence one of the men finally cleared his throat: "Yeah, I once had a dog that couldn't swim too."
...and:
Two men sits in a bar located at the top of a skyscraper. Suddenly the one realises that he's out of money and turns to the other guy: "I'll bet you a beer that I can jump out that window over there without getting hurt!".
The second man agrees on the bet and looks in surprised admiration as the first guy jumps out the window, falls twenty meters and then swings back up and in the window. The second man start paying the next round of beers while asking how the first man managed to do that.
"Oh, there's really nothing to it - you just do it", the first man says and does it again. This time the second man runs to the window frame and checks it for any rubber bands or other devices that would explain this seemingly irrational behaviour of gravity. Having found no such explanation he assumes that the first man was telling the truth and jumps out the window. While the guy falls screaming to his death, the first man staggers back to the bar where the second guy's wallet still lies. The bartender looks at the grinning guy sternly: "Boy, you sure are mean when you're drunk Superman!" |
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| Coup |
| ok, theres a magician on stage, and he says to the audience "now im gona perfome the best trick u'll EVER see anywhere, its my first time doing it but it will amaze you all and i wont feel a thing, i need a foluteere" (soz bout spelling) this guy says "ill do it" the magician says "thank you sir and what do we do as a living?" the guy replies "im a builder" oh thats good replies the magician, coz in this trick i need some1 strong. they both are on stage and the magician gives the builder a 14 pound sledgehammer, and says when i say, i was u to hit me on the forhead with this hammer as hard as u can and i promise i wont feel a thing, ok? the builder a little worried about the mans saftey replies only if ur sure this is what u want me to do? magician says yes and i wont feel a thing, totally painless, ok, ready? the builder is still timid but does anyway, 1, 2, 3 bang! the builder twats him straight on the head, magician flies accross the stage, out like a light, lying flat totally motionless. 4 weeks later hes lying in intensive care in a coma at the local hospital, wired upto all these machines going beep beep beep and all these monitors, all his family are in the waiting room aswel. the nurse who was watching over him sees his finger move, and then a flicker of the eye, she runs and gets all his family and the builder was there aswel, they all gather around the magician to see him awake, the magician opens his eyes and goes "da daaaa!" |
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| ta_wilson |
ok all very funny but this one takes the cake: an old lady was out walking in the desert and a car fell on her.
ok now for the less funny joke: the pentagon was overstaffed so they decided to offer a nice retirment package to enitce some staff to retire. measure between any two points on your body and we will give u a thousand $ for every inch. so an air force general walks in and says: measure from my head to my toes. So the doc did it and the general took home a nice retirement bonus.
the next day an army general walks in and says: with my arms in the air, measure from my finger tips to my toes. so the doc did and the guy went home happy.
the next day a grizzled old marine general walks in and says "measure from my the tip of my dick to my balls" the doc says "are u sure sir?"
"yes i am sure"
so the doc takes out his ruler and starts measuring...but when he gets to where the ball should be, there is nothing there! the doc says "where the are your balls sir!?"
the general replies :"in Vietnam"
thats all
*bows out* |
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