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So my wife came home today . . (pg. 7)
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| Mr. Pink |
So I mentioned this situation to my girlfriend tonight...
and she said that when a woman finds out she is pregnant it's not only the fact that she's going to bring in a baby into the world, but also the idea that all of her dreams and goals (career wise + whatever else) are now changed forever.......
That could be why she wants the abortion- because she is afraid of this drastic change. But fear was never a reason to run- instead, and yes this is lame because its said all the time, you must face your fear...
if having a baby isn't scary, i dont know what is.
WHo invented the rule book for parenting, cuz i dont think there is one........its all done on a wim....and its all improvised. Sure there is a direction you want to follow, but the details are all a blur.
Your wife is caught in a place where she doesnt know what she wants- maybe you should show her that its not only what you or she wants- but what the 3 of you want...what your baby wants.
it's not a matter of you two anymore because you have a 3rd life to decide on. Is this baby such a burden that it has to be killed, can it not be put up for adoption....and if you would NEVER have your baby put up for adoption, why on earth would you have your baby killed?
fact is: this is a real world with real consequences. If you have a "second" kid.....you're going to wonder what that first kid would have been like...... you're going to always wonder who he/she would have become and what your baby could have learned from you....most importantly, what you could have learned from your baby.
In the end, all i can say is:
The right decision is not the selfish decision |
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| Rodrico |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
So I mentioned this situation to my girlfriend tonight...
and she said that when a woman finds out she is pregnant it's not only the fact that she's going to bring in a baby into the world, but also the idea that all of her dreams and goals (career wise + whatever else) are now changed forever.......
That could be why she wants the abortion- because she is afraid of this drastic change. But fear was never a reason to run- instead, and yes this is lame because its said all the time, you must face your fear...
if having a baby isn't scary, i dont know what is.
WHo invented the rule book for parenting, cuz i dont think there is one........its all done on a wim....and its all improvised. Sure there is a direction you want to follow, but the details are all a blur.
Your wife is caught in a place where she doesnt know what she wants- maybe you should show her that its not only what you or she wants- but what the 3 of you want...what your baby wants.
it's not a matter of you two anymore because you have a 3rd life to decide on. Is this baby such a burden that it has to be killed, can it not be put up for adoption....and if you would NEVER have your baby put up for adoption, why on earth would you have your baby killed?
fact is: this is a real world with real consequences. If you have a "second" kid.....you're going to wonder what that first kid would have been like...... you're going to always wonder who he/she would have become and what your baby could have learned from you....most importantly, what you could have learned from your baby.
In the end, all i can say is:
The right decision is not the selfish decision |
That was deep man...real deep. |
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| trancebrat |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
So I mentioned this situation to my girlfriend tonight...
and she said that when a woman finds out she is pregnant it's not only the fact that she's going to bring in a baby into the world, but also the idea that all of her dreams and goals (career wise + whatever else) are now changed forever.......
That could be why she wants the abortion- because she is afraid of this drastic change. But fear was never a reason to run- instead, and yes this is lame because its said all the time, you must face your fear...
if having a baby isn't scary, i dont know what is.
WHo invented the rule book for parenting, cuz i dont think there is one........its all done on a wim....and its all improvised. Sure there is a direction you want to follow, but the details are all a blur.
Your wife is caught in a place where she doesnt know what she wants- maybe you should show her that its not only what you or she wants- but what the 3 of you want...what your baby wants.
it's not a matter of you two anymore because you have a 3rd life to decide on. Is this baby such a burden that it has to be killed, can it not be put up for adoption....and if you would NEVER have your baby put up for adoption, why on earth would you have your baby killed?
fact is: this is a real world with real consequences. If you have a "second" kid.....you're going to wonder what that first kid would have been like...... you're going to always wonder who he/she would have become and what your baby could have learned from you....most importantly, what you could have learned from your baby.
In the end, all i can say is:
The right decision is not the selfish decision |
Much love for you Javi. Regardless of the content I still enjoyed reading that. ;)
EDIT: Meaning regardless that it had to do with abortion. |
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| malek |
dude, stop crying.
Just talk to her and ask her when will she be ready for a kid.
In the meanwhile practice plenty (and rough) that'll teach her:disbelief
I keeeeed I keeeed
:D |
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| enferno |
i had to go to a business thing today, and it was a 2 hour car drive, so i called her.
i asked her why she's doing this, she said she was scared. scared of the big resposibility.
i asked her when would she be ready for it?
she said she doesn't know.
i told her nothing it going to change too much respolsibility wise from now to when we retire. told her how much fun the kid will have, how much it will make us better people, bring us closer, and how much i love her. how much she needs to consider that we can support this kid, we can handle it, if not now, when? now is as good as any time.
and that if she can't go throguh with it, convince me WHY she can't have a baby, my baby. she coulnd't think of one reason. she startd crying and saying how sorry she was. i'm at a job right now, it's 10:40 and i won't be home until tomrrow night.
i can't thank you guys for helping.
hopefully this will all turn out good in the end |
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| trancebrat |
| quote: | Originally posted by enferno
i had to go to a business thing today, and it was a 2 hour car drive, so i called her.
i asked her why she's doing this, she said she was scared. scared of the big resposibility.
i asked her when would she be ready for it?
she said she doesn't know.
i told her nothing it going to change too much respolsibility wise from now to when we retire. told her how much fun the kid will have, how much it will make us better people, bring us closer, and how much i love her. how much she needs to consider that we can support this kid, we can handle it, if not now, when? now is as good as any time.
and that if she can't go throguh with it, convince me WHY she can't have a baby, my baby. she coulnd't think of one reason. she startd crying and saying how sorry she was. i'm at a job right now, it's 10:40 and i won't be home until tomrrow night.
i can't thank you guys for helping.
hopefully this will all turn out good in the end |
Sounds like you are handling this the best that you can in your situation. Just continue to be positive and show her how much you love her and how much you want to have this child with her. I sincerely hope things work out for you. This is something that no one should have to go through with someone that they love. ;) |
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| Vlad |
Man, if my wife was pregnant and told me she wanted an abortion, honestly... I would probably just stand there in shock with tears in my eyes.
enferno, I hope you and your wife do have this child its the greatest thing 2 people who love each other can do. As for your wife being scared, everyone is scared about having their first child, its very normal. Im happy you guys are sorting it out and she is having second thoughts about the abortion. |
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| GHOSH |
| quote: | Originally posted by Miss Proximus
Just out of curiosity to all of you: why should he be the one to have the ultimate decision? |
On the same note, why should she? You have to admit the scales are very much tipped in favor of the mother.
But back to the topic, she might have rushed herself to the decision. I'm assuming she's has to be at least pretty alright for to have married her, yeah? So perhaps it is as it is with other people in shocking situation: when it comes up, you reject it. When I first Moved to the US, i was very much against it, because it was a shock and very different from what I was used to. The more I though about it, though, the better the decision looked, the more it oppurtunities it seemed to represent.
So it might be that it's just her initial Shock reaction. If not, and she does go through with the abortion, then you have a lot of thinking and decision making ahead of you, bud.
Best wishes though, hope it works out for the best, either way it goes. |
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| Pariah Cleric |
| Good luck with everything man, I can't say anything that any of the other posters on your side haven't already said. I hope things go your way. |
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| kron |
| 1 important thing though enferno. don't be too forceful or pushy sounding about the child since you, her and even us know that you are all for having the child and it's the right time and situation to have one. but afterall, she's still scared, she's just like any of us. to say 'face your fear' is easier than actually facing it. be supportive, let her know that you're by her and maybe she wouldn't be scared anymore. you know, sometimes human beings are hard to understand, otherwise everything would be so easy to deal with. the positive thing right now, is that the baby is still alive. i wish your family good luck, and hopefully us TA will be able to see a picture of your baby some time soon! |
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| Creamfields23 |
I don't want to sound like a council? here but I think you should get both pencil and paper.
Write both you +/- points on a piece of paper. Do this seperated because you obvisiously both avoid each other when it comes to talking about point. Use a timetable the pregnancy, the birth, raising the kid till it goes to school and the period after it when you both will get more time on your hands.
You don't even have to ask her to do it just ass long she can read the paper without you being around. Just leave it on her desk or something.
Just my thought :) |
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| Mr. Pink |
Enferno, you have no idea how much I am rooting for you on this one.
I can't get your situation out of my head.
Like some of the people here have said, dont be too pushy...
and i think my girlfriend really enlightened me when she put emphasis on a woman being afraid of having a baby and how that changes EVERYTHING.....i think us guys sometimes over look that.
You can do this man, the fact she cried and said she was sorry is a good sign. Be there for her, and be there for your child........cuz it's growing man, inside of her.
In these quiet moments is when the decision of a lifetime is going to be made...
good luck |
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