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Friday crap jokes please
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| Misty Kitty |
what do you call a pile of c**ts?
a block of flaps
:haha: :haha: |
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| tu_face |
[possibly offensive]
whats blue and doesn't fit anymore?
a dead epileptic
[/possibly offensive] |
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| mentalbarter |
what dya call a japanese car thief?
tommy tookamota |
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| dj_mdma |
whats yellow and lives off dead beetles?
Yoko Ono :D |
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| kr00t0n |
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug :crazy: :crazy: :eyespop: :eyespop: :haha: :haha: :tongue3 :crazy: :crazy: |
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| Tranceman1982 |
What do you call a man with a wooden head?
Edward |
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| Jamie_ |
IN PRISON ... you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 cell
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in an 6 x 8 cubicle
IN PRISON ... you get three meals a day
AT WORK ... you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it
IN PRISON ... you get time off for good behaviour
AT WORK ... you get more work for good behaviour
IN PRISON ... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
AT WORK .. you must carry around a security card and open all the doors yourself
IN PRISON ... you can watch TV and play games
AT WORK ... you get fired for watching TV and playing games
IN PRISON ... you get your own toilet
AT WORK ... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat
IN PRISON ... they allow your family and friends to visit
AT WORK... you cant even speak to your family
IN PRISON ... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK ... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxed from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON ... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
AT WORK ... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
:happy2: |
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| Jamie_ |
It's not difficult. To make a woman happy a man only needs to be :
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. galant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :
1. Shag him
2. Leave him in peace |
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| Sand Leaper |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jamie_
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :
1. Shag him
2. Leave him in peace |
You forgot "cook him a nice meal" :p |
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| Tranceman1982 |
Here's a few 'yo mama' jokes. All very good.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.
Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!
Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!
Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!
Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!
Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.
Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"
Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton. |
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