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Continueing the theme of girl related threads
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View this Thread in Original format
| Billabong |
Ok heres my problem and its quiet shocking, far so more than the majority of threads posted. My girlfriend (of 2 years) and i recently split up. And things have been very difficult for me, not because i am not dealing with it well, i am being mature about it, and finding things to keep myself occupied, and friends to spend my time with, and i am doing ok, but by no means great.
My girlfriend on the other hand is taking things very very badly, had a nervous breakdown or something similar on sunday and has tried to self harm on multiple occasioans. She hasnt got many friends and is using me a goalie for her emotional difficulties. I have contacted student wardens on my campus, as i am at university, and they have all been .
She is throwing her life away, she is missing exams, and work, and wrecking everything she has worked hard for. I really dont know what to do, it hurts to see her throwing herself away like this, but short of getting back with her, which would just be through guilt and pity, and i dont know what i can do. Obviously this isnt a real serious forum, which i have found out from posts and threads in the past, but really i havnt really got anything to loose.
This is rather serious, so if people could refrain from any stupid replies, as this isnt the place. |
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| Lira |
| Do you mind if I ask why exactly you split up? That would be helpful as it would give us a hint of what exactly happened (so we could give better advice) :) |
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| dallastar |
| GIRL GURL power!:p |
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| Billabong |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Do you mind if I ask why exactly you split up? That would be helpful as it would give us a hint of what exactly happened (so we could give better advice) :) |
She had obessive compulsive disorder and it was making the relationship to difficult. I was feeling increasinly like a carer rather than a boyfriend, and incidents were happening every night, which i neither had the training nor the understanding to deal with. |
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| töbias |
Did you break up with her?
I've had this happen before, twice actually. Once I had a girl try and jump off my balcony, and once a girl took all these pills and tried to od. It was really scary, and the first time I didn't end it with the girl because I was scared she might neck herself and it would be my fault.
Then I came to the conclusion that the problem was not with me, it was the other person that had the problem, and as much as you try and help them it does not work.
I'd recommend telling her family and any friends you know, and do not get intimate or close again, this makes it much worse. Stick to your guns on the break-up, as guilt like this that she is doing to you is often done so that you get back together. Its emotional blackmail of the worst type.
Get her to a doctor asap, and get her on medication if possible. Its best to cut all contact as in a couple of weeks of no contact she will settle down a bit. |
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| Billabong |
| quote: | Originally posted by töbias
Did you break up with her?
I've had this happen before, twice actually. Once I had a girl try and jump off my balcony, and once a girl took all these pills and tried to od. It was really scary, and the first time I didn't end it with the girl because I was scared she might neck herself and it would be my fault.
Then I came to the conclusion that the problem was not with me, it was the other person that had the problem, and as much as you try and help them it does not work.
I'd recommend telling her family and any friends you know, and do not get intimate or close again, this makes it much worse. Stick to your guns on the break-up, as guilt like this that she is doing to you is often done so that you get back together. Its emotional blackmail of the worst type.
Get her to a doctor asap, and get her on medication if possible. Its best to cut all contact as in a couple of weeks of no contact she will settle down a bit. |
Many people have said this, i broke up with her but did not expect things to be this bad. I offer to give her support, but tis not working. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Billabong
She had obessive compulsive disorder and it was making the relationship to difficult. |
(I'm taking she's ocp about you)
Well, maybe splitting up isn't really the best idea. I don't really know both of you but if you tried to help her tricking her into taking care of this disorder (i.e. looking for a psychologist), that would be the better option.
If she's obsessive (specially if it's about you), then certainly she's gonna react like that. She can not just let you go, you need to somehow (if you want to leave) do it in a way that doesn't affect her disorder.
Hope this doesn't sound too wrong, but maybe she needs your help to heal far more than you could imagine, so turning your back would only get things worse. I imagine how tough it is, but I can't think of any other solution. |
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| Billabong |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
(I'm taking she's ocp about you)
Well, maybe splitting up isn't really the best idea. I don't really know both of you but if you tried to help her tricking her into taking care of this disorder (i.e. looking for a psychologist), that would be the better option.
If she's obsessive (specially if it's about you), then certainly she's gonna react like that. She can not just let you go, you need to somehow (if you want to leave) do it in a way that doesn't affect her disorder.
Hope this doesn't sound too wrong, but maybe she needs your help to heal far more than you could imagine, so turning your back would only get things worse. I imagine how tough it is, but I can't think of any other solution. |
I think she feels that because i cant be in this relationship, that i dont care at all, but i care for her a lot, i would die for her. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Billabong
I think she feels that because i cant be in this relationship, that i dont care at all, but i care for her a lot, i would die for her. |
Maybe you should show her. Not by words, but be there by her side helping her taking medication and get treated properly. If you two ever overcome this problem, it would make your relationship even stronger, I reckon.
If you want to leave the relationship but help her, you can't do it at once, as it's all too sudden, and this will give much space to emotions take over and lead her away from being rational. |
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| nchs09 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Do you mind if I ask why exactly you split up? That would be helpful as it would give us a hint of what exactly happened (so we could give better advice) :) |
lira ur avatar cracks me up is htat ur gf? |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
When I first read that you are not getting back together with her because it would be out of "pity or guilt", I knew that you already had the right answers. She has a problem, and there's no amount of relationship or love that's going to fix it - these things don't just fix themselves. Getting back together with her would be a very bad thing to do - for both of you. Take Tobias' advice and try to arrange for her to get some sort of support. You don't need loads of friends in order to get through an ordeal - I'm proof of that - you just need someone to be there for you. Your relationship ended because of her tendencies - it doesn't mean you don't still care for her (especially if you're feeling down) so do something to help her out - that would be the nicest thing I think you can do right now.
Or you could just ignore her altogether because you two broke up and it's over and done with. By the way you talk about her though, I don't feel as though this is really an option for you. ;) |
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| töbias |
| quote: | Originally posted by Billabong
Many people have said this, i broke up with her but did not expect things to be this bad. I offer to give her support, but tis not working. |
Well the girls that behaved like this to me, were extremely high on emotional maintenance. Like everytime alcohol was drunk it would be a tear session, any small event was a major issue and even when there was stress there still seemed to be things to be stressed about.
After a relationship like that I needed a holiday. Talk about draining.
And believe me if you continue contact things will get worse.
The next stage for girls that behave like this is whole new world of craziness. Telling your friends and family lies, doing terrible things to get at you, constant phone calls to hang out, have sex, asking about new relationships. Its fair from over even if you end it now.
You see people go through life acting in a way to get what they want. Some people learn to get what they want by being nice, some by being mean, some by being manipulative, and some my getting their life in such a situation where they have no friends, no life, could commit suicide, that anybody that cares about them even a bit has no option but to stick around.
She's been acting like this long before you were around, and will continue to act like this long after you are gone, teh best you can do is point her in the right direction. |
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