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please help...or don't (pg. 2)
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| JayD |
I think it's called the "tuff love" or whatever.
Mothers in alot of way's are just incompatible when it comes to relationships.. I mean.. They know what they're doing pisses you off and they proceed to do the same thing.. I don't think they can change... And if they do change, it's only for a bit.. temporary. It's when your sister or someone else tells them "you know, your really pissing so and so off" and then there like "ok, let me change for a day or so and then go back to how I am". Is she different around her own friends than she is with you?
Being that in life, your supposed to get rid of the people who are dragging you down even if it is family, the only advice I can give is to really strain it to the point where relationship with eachother is limited.. Don't let it get to the point where you end up disrespecting her or there is that much strain on your relationship. Nobody want's to dislike their own family to that point.
She means best I'm sure and she really does care.. Just some people have a different way of showing affection (most mothers don't show it at all). In the end you have to kind of understand that she probably loves you the most, and worrys about you I guess. And you do know that or else you wouldn't really give a =p.
But you do, and in the end you'll do what's right.
JaY |
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| jonSun |
| Ive had an ex who had a similar parents. Your mother needs couseling. The last email did not seem it was written by an adult. I say get your sister involved & suggest counseling. GROUP COUSELING. Theres nothing wrong with it either. Many many people go & many more should. Its a forum that will get alot of thing off each others chests. Plus it kinda has a proffesional mediator seeing things out of the box. Your mother needs to stop trying to control you & let go. She needs to accept you as an adult & trust your own decisions on your own life. So I suggest family counseling. |
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| biznology |
sounds exactly like what is happening to my girlfriend right now as she is finishing up her honors thesis and wants to take a year off after graduation before getting back to law school, et al.
freaking pisses her parents off that she is going without a plan in place. its funny - because not having a plan is not a good thing, but she has been so regimented in every aspect of her life through schooling for so long it might be good to let her chill for a year or whatever.
(thats MY opinion tho, and im just the boyfriend) so of course her mom especially is freaked out| |
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| jonSun |
| wow i guess today is advice day. not bad. |
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| Psy-T |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
her next question was, "well what about luis? are you going to call him?"
i just looked at her, an di was like, "NO MOM! i'm NOT" and she ing rolls her eyes at me and like walks away.
yea, that's a real nice mother there. i swear i think SHE wanted to date him...it was weird. |
eh... chicks problems :nervous:
:p |
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| placebo |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
yea but since we stopped talking, i'm kind of happier. the only time i get stressed now is when my sister calls and tells me how obsessed my mom is with me.
u guys realize that i am like sacrificing my mental health by continuing to let her stomp all over me right? |
Maybe your mom doesn't trust you because of your drug use in high school. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
As we get older, we start to realize just how humans our parents are. It's sort of a difficult thing to accept, but they start to become very much like regular people. It's easy to say that you realized this at an early age, but when you start to recognize habits you have formed that are remarkably parallel to those of each of your parents, that feeling sets in. You start to realize that the people you looked up to (deny it if you wish) for so long are absolutely human and absolutely weird, just like you. :stongue:
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you are 100% right...growing up i thought my mom was wonderwoman and i can't even begin to describe all the that i was exposed to when i was little with her. the sad truth is, that i have actually matured more than she has as an individual. i am really in touch with myself and my feelings, but i dont think she is. she's like in the denial phase. it's very strange how i have figured things out and how i am able to look at her now and think, "wow, she really is messed up." i'm not saying im perfect, i know i'm nowhere near it. i would love to go to a family therapist about this, but i can't afford $40 a week for my insurance copay. so you guys are my shrink. |
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| JayD |
If you were an artist you could really use this to your advantage =p.
Seriously, I think everyone thinks there is a certain way that parents are supposed to treat you.. Like in the end the one person your supposed to be able to go to is your mother or father.. But I guess they are human too and some of them are ed up in the head just like us lol.
Most of them become psychologist.
JaY |
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| Massive84 |
Hi Slylee.
May i ask you a questions first?
Why does your mom dislike your boyfriend, did you ever ask her that?
And last, did you ever do something in the past, that made your mom care so much?
To me it sounds your mom cares allot about you, and there must be some reasons. Maybe some came recently, maybe she experienced something or witnessed something that made her afraid.
I think you should be very happy with that, at least someone cares about you, it does sound annoying to you, and i am sure if i had a mom and if she acted like yours i would be going crazy my self. But it's a good thing, i saw so many people getting fights with their parents, especially close friends of mine, they never ended up well..no school, went to jail some. I don't think that will be the case with you, but am just saying, having good parents is essenstial.
But you know in the end, when things won't go your way, your family will be your fallback. Try to keep that advantage. You are maybe a strong person, and very independent but there can always be something that breaks you so hard, that you need someone to bring you back. And even friends, boyfriends etc can fail you on that.
First things first, don't let your sister get involved in this, if she goes nutz, your mom mite have 2 problems then.
Talk it out with your moms, and prepare your self with some good arguments.
Also try to play her game, instead of she calling you, call her.
But don't make it to obvious, play it tricky, like..just "Hi mom 1 fast question, i wanne do this, what you think? ok thats it bye!"
something like that.
It is VERY IMPOTANT to make your parents feel important. So they know they didn't fail :).
Talk it out, and try to convince her. Don't avoid, makes things worse IMO |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by placebo
Maybe your mom doesn't trust you because of your drug use in high school. |
yea that has been an issue too. i know for a fact that when my mom was my age, she partied...she said she did coke and acid and all that...she's a baby boomer.
i'm not saying that's ok, but my argument with that is...i'm in college (finally), and getting good grades, and i'm working and paying bills and i'm overall pretty ing content with myself and boyfriend. so what if i love to go to south beach and do coke. i dont get wasted on alcohol, i don't smoke cigarettes...that's the only thing i do. that's my vice. it just happens to be illegal.
she drove my sister away too. my sister hated her when she was my age. she's older and married w/ a baby, so that has chilled out. my sister is in Indiana though, so she wouldn't be able to go to counseling.
my dad is like the mediator. he never takes sides. i respect him so much more as a parent. he's so chill and always just let me find my way. he gives me advice but doesn't force me to take it or judge me. my mom would always tell me that he didn't care about me as much as she does and that's why he was like that. |
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| jonSun |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
my dad is like the mediator. he never takes sides. i respect him so much more as a parent. he's so chill and always just let me find my way. he gives me advice but doesn't force me to take it or judge me. my mom would always tell me that he didn't care about me as much as she does and that's why he was like that. |
Unless your Mom has a damn good reason she should never say that about your Dad. It seems like he's a great father & use him more to mediate the problem & maybe the 3 of you can go to family couseling. Does your Mom maybe have a sister(your aunt) that can help.? Its not always good to get the whole family involved but if she has a sis that shes close with she can probably help to chill your mom out. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by Massive84
Hi Slylee.
May i ask you a questions first?
Why does your mom dislike your boyfriend, did you ever ask her that?
And last, did you ever do something in the past, that made your mom care so much?
To me it sounds your mom cares allot about you, and there must be some reasons. Maybe some came recently, maybe she experienced something or witnessed something that made her afraid.
I think you should be very happy with that, at least someone cares about you, it does sound annoying to you, and i am sure if i had a mom and if she acted like yours i would be going crazy my self. But it's a good thing, i saw so many people getting fights with their parents, especially close friends of mine, they never ended up well..no school, went to jail some. I don't think that will be the case with you, but am just saying, having good parents is essenstial.
But you know in the end, when things won't go your way, your family will be your fallback. Try to keep that advantage. You are maybe a strong person, and very independent but there can always be something that breaks you so hard, that you need someone to bring you back. And even friends, boyfriends etc can fail you on that.
First things first, don't let your sister get involved in this, if she goes nutz, your mom mite have 2 problems then.
Talk it out with your moms, and prepare your self with some good arguments.
Also try to play her game, instead of she calling you, call her.
But don't make it to obvious, play it tricky, like..just "Hi mom 1 fast question, i wanne do this, what you think? ok thats it bye!"
something like that.
It is VERY IMPOTANT to make your parents feel important. So they know they didn't fail :).
Talk it out, and try to convince her. Don't avoid, makes things worse IMO |
i wont get into the details but i had a very ed up childhood due to a manipulating, drug addicted physically abusive stepdad that my mother stayed with despite all that. i was exposed to a lot of very negative horrible things starting at age 5. i think she depended on me too much. i was 5 and felt like i needed to protect my mom. it was very weird.
about the boyfriend. i think she doesn't like him for me. she sees me with someone HER type. that's all that is about. and plus i have a bad habit of telling her too much info too, because we've been like that since the begining...hard to break old habits. |
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