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Joke Thread!
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| mezzir |
A little girl walks up to her father and says, "daddy, why did u name me rose"
He replies " because when you were born a rose fell on your face"
The mans second daughter says, "Dad, why did you name me Lily"
He says the same thing, "because when you were bron a Lily fell on your face"
A 3rd girl walks up to him and says "uggghhhhmppphyyynanana"
The man yells, "Shut up cinderblock" |
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| djkoolaide |
| :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: |
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| Lebezniatnikov |
In the time it took me to hit reply and type this response, I'm still laughing. Classic.
But I have a contribution.
One day, mezzir, djkoolaide, and I were driving in a car that got hit head-on by an 18-wheeler and all three of us died. We arrived at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter tells us, "welcome to heaven. Heaven is paradise in the sky, and you are free to do absolutely anything you want with only one condition. God loves ducks, and placed hundreds of them in heaven because they please him. Should you ever step on a duck, it will quack and set all the other ducks quacking and God hates that. So, if you step on a duck, you will be punished. Enjoy your time in heaven."
So mezzir, djkoolaide, and I are thinking, that's not so bad. We can do this. But one day, as djkoolaide was walking along, he steps on a duck, and all the ducks start quacking. God is angry, and sends St. Peter to hand out the punishment. St. Peter handcuffs djkoolaide to the most ugly woman in all of heaven and says "this is your punishment, you shall be bound to this woman for the rest of eternity."
Now I, seeing this punishment, vow never to step on a duck, and from that point on I am very careful when walking around. But one day, this duck flies in front of me and trips me up and I step on it accidentally. So of course, St. Peter comes and handcuffs me to an ugly woman as punishment for all of eternity.
Now djkoolaide and I are hanging out one day with our two dames and thinking about how life is awful, when we see mezzir walking around with a BEAUTIFUL, curvacious woman handcuffed to his arm. djkoolaide is astounded and goes, "How did this happen, how did you get handcuffed to this beutiful woman? The girl looks at us and says matter-of-factly, "I stepped on a duck". |
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| AudioGuru |
:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
those are funny |
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| Lira |
There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired." So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy.
Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy?"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " SUPPLIES!" |
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| mezzir |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired." So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy.
Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy?"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " SUPPLIES!" |
aw man...anyone else seen UHF? that old weird al movie
had some asian dude suprise someone by jumping out a supplies closet and yelling supplies!
it was hot |
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| mezzir |
what the
i hit reply in the josh4 custom thread...replied here
mannn i need sleep |
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| AudioGuru |
| quote: | Originally posted by mezzir
aw man...anyone else seen UHF? that old weird al movie
had some asian dude suprise someone by jumping out a supplies closet and yelling supplies!
it was hot |
yeah, I saw that. I think I laughed a few times, but overall it was a bit too cheasy, and boring to be enjoyable. |
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| SgtFoo |
1) what do all blondes have in common with a beer bottle?
2) what does it take to create ahuman wind tunnel?
3) how many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? |
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| tc-fan |
here is mine....
A whiteman enters a bar that just opened, no one is there but the bartender and he is black. So the whiteman sit down on the stool and tells the bartender "hey n*gger give me a beer". The bartender servs him the beer and then he says "what you called me?". The whiteman answere him "i said n*gger". So the bartender tells him "you know thats not nice of you of what you told me, put yourself in my shoes & see how would you feel". So the whiteman tells him "ok ill be the bartender and youll be the customer". So the bartender (black guy) goes to the door and the whiteman gets behind the bar. The blackman sits down and tell the bartender (whiteman), "hey cracker get me a beer". So the bartender tells him "sorry we dont serve n*ggers here". |
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