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Biro - Something to chew on
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The Biro - Something to chew on...
Biros are like Japanese cars. They're cheap, they start first time and they come in many colours. Of course Japanese cars don't have the little unexplained hole in the side but then as we know our Japanese friends are obsessed with quarity. The most common biro is the Bic biro, named after its inventor Hugo Tampon, who for understandable reasons changed his name to Hugo Bic.
Twenty-six million biros are produced annually in Britain, of which 95% are used and then thrown away. The other 5% go to biro heaven in the top pockets of train spotters and distribution managers in warehouses. In the subtle hierarchies that rule the world of train spotting, preference on the platform is often given to those with the rare and much prized green biro.
A great mystery is what happens to the tops of biros, the little plastic things that look like a fifties representation of a space ship. Detailed research, were someone dull enough to do it, would probably show that most biro tops are permanently separated from their pens within the first thirty minutes of use. These tops have been specially designed not to be useful for any other function in the world except one, and that is executive nipple substitute. To the highly stressed, a biro is complete meal. First you bend back the clip bit from the top and then bite it off. Then you mangle the top between your teeth, suck out the little stopper from the top of the pen, and crunch away at the pen itself. Real addicts chew down the inside plastic bit and wash it down with a mouthful of ink.
Very occasionally a biro will dry up on you even though you can clearly see that most of the ink is still in it. This generally happens when you're signing a multi-million pound deal or a major peace treaty. Remember, it's no good scrubbing away at the paper with heavy handed loop the loops, ticks and cross hatching. It'll ruin the treaty and it won't work. Simply breathe deeply, accept the fact that if it doesn't restart after a couple of good strokes it's dead, and consign it and world peace to the dustbin.
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Mildly amusing piece i stumbled across at work while raiding google. |
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| Minihero |
| Haha, nice. That reminds me of our trek around Leicester to find that green biro. Couldn't find one anywhere :wtf: |
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| Coup |
| quote: | Originally posted by Minihero
Haha, nice. That reminds me of our trek around Leicester to find that green biro. Couldn't find one anywhere :wtf: |
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue:
u always remember the random i forgot long ago lol |
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| Minihero |
| It's one of my few useless skills :D |
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| Streakfury |
| It always amazes me how you never see a biro that's ran out of ink. They always dry out, or get lost (or eaten) but never run out. Amazing inventions, biros. |
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| svens_bath |
| people who chew glowsticks amuse me more. |
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| Spad |
| quote: | Originally posted by svens_bath
people who chew glowsticks amuse me more. |
Interestingly, if you bite off the end and pour the liquid over your head, your hair wont glow. |
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| sykadelik |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spad
Interestingly, if you bite off the end and pour the liquid over your head, your hair wont glow. |
Last time I was at slinky I watched in amazement as some nutter bit the top of a glowstick off and drank the contents. I'd be surprised if he lived to see the end of that night. |
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| dj_mdma |
| quote: | Originally posted by sykadelik
Last time I was at slinky I watched in amazement as some nutter bit the top of a glowstick off and drank the contents. I'd be surprised if he lived to see the end of that night. |
i wouldn't :p the contents of a glowstick are non toxic. He might have suffered from excessive salivation afterwards tho :tongue2
and had slightly luminous pee and poo :stongue: |
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| Jamie_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by dj_mdma
i wouldn't :p the contents of a glowstick are non toxic. He might have suffered from excessive salivation afterwards tho :tongue2
and had slightly luminous pee and poo :stongue: |
Speaking from experience there Lam? i know u like to gobble any liquid down :p |
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| shades_of_gray |
i dont think biro's ever see it through to the end....i dont think that i have ever kept or used one biro until the last drop of ink....i always chew them....loose them or tread on them
so i just bin them....but its so annoying when you need a pen (urgently) you can never bloody find one |
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