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I think i need help..... (pg. 2)
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| Dervish |
I know what you mean about the small things.
I tend to get it fixed in my head that not only is what that person doing inconsiderate but indicates something deeper (when alot of the time it doesn't) in their make up that makes them a bad person.
Often when I've chilled out I realise it was in my head, but for that brief period I can deside I want nothing to do with that person and that cutting them off totally would be a good thing. Hence what ever I do/say the worse the better.
I know I do it though so I try to chill. But when really pushed it comes out. And it is not nice. |
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| Jackson |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dervish
I know what you mean about the small things.
I tend to get it fixed in my head that not only is what that person doing inconsiderate but indicates something deeper (when alot of the time it doesn't) in their make up that makes them a bad person. |
That is exactly the same as me...i have always thought too deeply into things and analyse every word of what someone says...its like i expect people to not think much of me in a way. |
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| Arbiter |
Don't be so impulsive.
I used to have problems dealing with anger and the solution that worked for me was simple self-control. Don't act on your angry impulses and the situation won't escalate, which tends to give you time to rationally re-evaluate how you feel. It won't help too much if you have a very legitimate reason to be angry - but if you do then I say go ahead and be angry. Getting angry over stupid , however, is wholly irrational - so if you can keep yourself under control long enough to just think about it a little bit, you can usually diffuse the situation for the most part. It's really not as hard as it sounds - but it might take a little time to develop good habits. Just try not to get frustrated and stick with it.
I don't recommend drugs or counseling. Neither works well enough to justify the cost, and the satisfaction of overcoming your own problems by yourself is ultimately worth more than solving the problem with as little effort as possible.
And don't get down on yourself. It isn't a problem with you as a person, it's a problem with the perspective you're currently taking on life. Blame the perspective, and try to change it, don't blame yourself. |
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| Aquarian |
If you do seek counciling, make sure you see a psychiatrist and not a psychologist. And make sure you mention all those drugs you've been taking.
Just remember that everything you feel, wether it's real or induced by artificial means, is just a chemical reaction. Although chemical imbalances usually happen at around 13 or 14 years of age, it's not uncommon for it to happen as late as your early twenties. I've had the exact same thing happen to me for about a year, and it was really ty, but it does pass over time. |
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| stren |
| I think some fresh air would help, and sittin online the whole day doesn't, i know cause i do it sometimes and at the end of the day i really ger irritated easily (not cause of the internet, but the screen radiation and stuff). |
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| Orbax |
Im trying to pinpoint when I stopped my anger issues...
I think it was a combination of learning self defense (boxing, wrestling, aiki-jujitsu etc..), becoming athletic (setting hard goals, so I wasnt just good, I was in the top 10% of people out there. 5 minute mile kind of goals), and becoming educated.
The biggest part of it all was motivating myself. I think a lot of people sit there frustrated that life isnt working out and they are just waiting for to settle so they can move on.
Life is concurrent, it will all happen at once, and motivation is something you have to force, ironically. Dont aim to pass, or get by, but to excel.
Be the best damn bagger in QFC or something, it doesnt matter. Become an excellent person.
Anger besides something resisting your will, can have its trigger threshold lowered by states of severe dissatisfaction. Its not so much that people do well that makes them satisfied, its them doing what they want.
Ive had to work jobs, dis satisfying. But it let me live with my best friends, work only 15 hours a week which left me 153 hours a week in which I wasnt working and could do whatever I wanted.
Moving out wasnt so bad, but Ive solved pretty much every problem in my recent years by talking.
I sat down with my parents because we were fighting a lot and said "I want to talk to you guys about our relationship and what we can do to make it better. Lets kind of talk about our frustrations with each other and see if we cant do this because it hurts to not have it working"
In the end its relatively simple , its just been going on for years, and youd be AMAZED at what can happen after just a few weeks of everyone doing little things they dont want to do, but do because it makes the other people happy. Turns into a big karma cluster :D
Points:
1) Excel
2) Big things are made of little things (make dinner one night or something = family getting along)
3) Brains are chemical pools. Make yours work for you by workin for it. Get active, it stimulates happy chemicals. You have colitis was it? do what you can when you can, if nothing else spend a day outside reading, but get out of the house, and make yourself do it.
4) Talk to people you are upset with (Broken record I know, its so important!) |
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| Dervish |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jackson
That is exactly the same as me...i have always thought too deeply into things and analyse every word of what someone says...its like i expect people to not think much of me in a way. |
:D I totally over analyse everything as well, worse I've conviced myself I really perceptive. So when I get pissed off and feel like that I'm sure I'm right (until I chill).
With respect to not thinking people think alot of me, I use a bit of what Orbax has said (doing well at something) but also a bit of of what Arbiter has said (staying under control long enough to think about it). And definatly number 4. on Orbax's list there.
Once I had a mate (lol makes sound like only the once) who I got on really well and we both were honestly just about hitting, takes alot for me, and him to get to that stage, each other over this stupid , seriously nothing.
But I knew it was stupid , so did he. We were just rubbing each other up the wrong way. Basicly we chilled a bit still pissed off though (but I knew I couldn't leave it like that or we'd never speak again). So I sujested we went got something to eat and forgot about it. No worries, mates again by the end of our Burger King cow scrap burgers. :toothless |
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| Aiwendil |
why ever be angry about anything? i've been very angry before, and i get angry all the time. but what can anger do besides hurt you or someone else? i'm a lot less angry now than 10 years ago: i laugh at a lot of things i used to become angry because of.
and floorfiller gets angry, but only at the post office. because it's all "get you in, get you out" and no help whatsoever. |
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| UWM |
| You've been making way too many Simpsons references lately, particularly to the episode regarding Ned Flanders. |
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| Psy-T |
| quote: | Originally posted by Aiwendil
why ever be angry about anything? i've been very angry before, and i get angry all the time. but what can anger do besides hurt you or someone else? i'm a lot less angry now than 10 years ago: i laugh at a lot of things i used to become angry because of.
and floorfiller gets angry, but only at the post office. because it's all "get you in, get you out" and no help whatsoever. |
you try to make other people angry in the MD though :p |
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| Aiwendil |
| quote: | | You've been making way too many Simpsons references lately, particularly to the episode regarding Ned Flanders. |
stop trying to harsh my mellow.
| quote: | | you try to make other people angry in the MD though |
i try to tell the truth how i see it. for some reason people get angry, but so what, i don't insult them or their character.
you know what i mean, wangsters. i was so angry once i punched a roughly barked tree. all i got out of it was bloody knuckles. another time i punched a door and all i came up with was a pinkie that doesn't bend the right way anymore and is sporadically sore. i don't punch things anymore. |
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| est |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dervish
I was trying to avoid conflict by not arguing and not escalating it but she was seriously pissing me off, and kept going. |
Classic male behaviour - CAT (conflict avoidance tactics). Mildly amusing :D
Jackson, I know how you feel, and I've got through it. If it's your family life that tends to spark the anger, then you need some distance from that. If you have work/uni, throw yourself in to that. If not, start something new, something YOU want to do. Join a book group, learn a musical instrument - anything you can do for yourself. Then stay busy, too busy to mope. Its nice that you care about your gf (how sounds ace btw) and family, but just be selfish for the moment - this problem is about you.
Counselling is a good idea and it's no big deal at all. They just sit and have loads of time to listen to what you have to say, occassionally reflecting what you're saying back to you. They don't judge you and have nothing to do with your issues, so they're much easier to talk to than family. If this is depression, then it's not the sort of thing you can just snap out of. It takes quite a bit of work, but then eventually you start noticing little breakthroughs where you can do things you couldn't do before.
As for the anger, I too used to get wound up over the tinieset things too. My sis and I would argue over the biggest load of crap. I stabled out when got a life (my own life that is, stopped being driven by what my folks/friends are thinking) and realised there's more to it than the petty things I was getting angry about before.
If you get angry at your family, only apologise if you really mean it. An apology means that you won't do whatever you did again, which means learning from what happened. If you're feeling regret over an outburst, then don't. You did what you did and you had your reasons for it at the time, so all you can do now is learn from it.
Well, this is the kind of stuff I had to get through, but each person is different. Hope that helps though,
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