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Need some personal advice...
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| DJ Kibon |
Hi,
Hope this is reasonably appropriate, but I need a bit of advice on a personal matter.
I'm currently attending college, and was fortunate enough to meet an amazing girl over the past week or so. Those who have dated enough over time can attest to the fact that there are some girls that you meet who are "okay", and others who are one of "the ones".
When I refer to "one of the ones", it's because I believe that there are "x" number of people out there that are a near perfect match for you, but you don't meet them very often. She's attractive, motivated, and (very importantly) an intellectual equal.
The problem begins with the following - she is quite religious, and comes from an extremely religious family. This in itself isn't necessarily a bad thing, but beyond basic beliefs, I am not a very religious person. That said, I do respect the religions of others (or lack thereof).
We've hit things off really well thus far, but upon arranging a first date, the issue has come up as to what her parents will think of me. Specifically we're talking about questions such as, "What church does he go to?" Well, err, I don't.
Normally I don't worry much about the parent aspect until well into a relationship, as I'm not sure that it's immediately significant. In my opinion, you introduce very special people to your parents, after a large amount of time in a relationship.
So, I guess the question is, where to proceed from here. Should I avoid even starting this relationship? Is it really fair for her parents not to approve of me due to my religion (or lack of it), particularly if they haven't even met me? |
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| Coup |
| i understand you totally dude, i go, well used to this year and last, with two lads who are religious and used to tell me how there not allowed out with anyone not from there religion, and basically that can be viewed as racism imo. ask her out and try and get things going and stuff, and if her mum and dad have a problem with you being of no religion then they are shallow, and if her girl sticks by you it might open there eyes. just coz u are not of any religion does not mean u are a madman who is violent and has no morals and are therefore are not good enough for their daughter, how old are you btw? and if it comes to it, ask them straight "what is your problem with me being from no religious background?" and i bet they have no reply... |
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| DJ Kibon |
| ...to answer your question, I'm 22, and she is about two years younger than me. We're both first year college students. |
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| Lynx |
| you never know unless you try. i, myself, am a Christian so i know what you're talking about when it comes to relationships with gurls. it's commendable to think this way about the situation. kudos. as for the situation itself, try not to be too pushy, and it'll help if you find out what the so-called 'rules' are of their religion. meet her parents (or eventually meet them) and get to know them. i'm sure their daughter will vouch on your behalf. the main thing to remember is, if you do decide to go for it, is take it slow, don't get ahead of yourself. i'll reply again when more info comes in. :) |
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| djgarfield |
| Dude, there is really only one question u really need to ask: Is there religion in your future? Are u open to have that relationship with Him should the oppurtunity come? I'm not religious myself, but am open to the idea that maybe someday i might have a realtionship with God. If ur not, don't even start this relationship. Its not the worth the trouble. Religion will only become a bigger issue as the realtionship goes farther. As for meeting the parents, i think its way tooo early. Plus, if they are religious as she is, they're are likely to treat u like the plague just because u aren't religious. I think thats total B**llsH*T. But its up to you brotha. Only u know if this girl is worth it and if she's the "one." |
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| DJ_D|ABL0_ |
I'm sure everything would be fine mate. I used to be mates with a muslim guy who had an arranged marriage already sorted, and it was one of the religion's biggest sins to have had sex without being married (or to even so much as see a girl for dating!). Also frowned upon was drinking.
Needless to say that at the grand old age of 17, he popped his cherry with some fat bint called Miranda whilst he was pissed.
Chill! His parents started talking to him again about 3 months later.
Just make sure that she has bragged about u 2 her parents first;
you know you're off to a bad start when her dad puts u under the lie detector and asks you 'have u ever watched porn'.
Just mutter, "yes thanks. you?" |
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| djgarfield |
| Dude, there is really only one question u really need to ask: Is there religion in your future? Are u open to have that relationship with Him should the oppurtunity come? I'm not religious myself, but am open to the idea that maybe someday i might have a realtionship with God. If ur not, don't even start this relationship. Its not the worth the trouble. Religion will only become a bigger issue as the relationship goes farther. As for meeting the parents, i think its way tooo early. Plus, if they are religious as she is, they're are likely to treat u like the plague just because u aren't religious. I think thats total B**llsH*T. But its up to you brotha. Only u know if this girl is worth it and if she's the "one." |
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| lMIlk |
| right now, "the one" is every girl |
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| astroboy |
| First of all, don't break up with her - give love a chance (wasn't that a song?). Anyway I'm sure that if she's your intellectual equal, her parents must be reasonably intelligent, and not as small minded as you imagine them to be. In any case (and this may sound lame/manipulative) its worth preparing yourself for the inevitable meeting. Start reading some books on theology, or the bible, so that you at least sound informed and will be able to come up with intelligent comments when you're questioned about religion (also probably inevitable). The mere fact that you are open-minded, informed and respect their religion would be a definite advantage. |
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| Coup |
| lol, im in the same boat as you mate! :) (lMIlk) |
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| twilochik |
| Speaking from the perspective of someone who has religious parents, I would say that my parents do tend judge the people I date based on religion. I'm am not overly religious myself...I believe in God...but I think that man screws religion up...hence churches are bad...not the concept of religion or God himself...or herself...whatever you believe. But, if you seem open minded that is always a plus. I once seriously dated someone who was Jewish...I am Christian....and at first my rents weren't overly thrilled with the idea of dating someone of a different religious background. But, he had expressed to me wanting to learn more about my religion...and that was a MAJOR plus in their eyes. But don't lie to them or try and look interested in something your not just to please them. If they are good people they will recognize that you are a good person who really likes their daughter and ultimately if you make her happy then that is all that matters. But, if this gurl is overly religious then it could cause problems later down in the road. Esp when it comes to things like sex. Or if marriage ensues...I know I'm getting ahead of myself...but if it should, would religion become a major topic of discussion regarding children and the like? I know someone who dated a person for a very long time and ultimately they broke up bc they knew they had such differing views on religion that they could never agree on what to raise their children...and then knew that would cause major problems if they got married. I'm rambling, but, basically it all comes down to her and you. If you are both happy with one another and your religious views then it shouldn't be a problem at all! Good luck and keep us posted! :) |
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| Eugene |
You sound like a good and intelligent fellow.
I'm sure the parents will like you in spite of this issue.
Are you sure you're not blowing it out of proportions? |
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