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Any good jokes ?!?
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View this Thread in Original format
| RaVVaR |
| I wana laugh, tell me funny jokes... :toothless |
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| Teflon_Teapot |
this one is pretty lame but hey
Prior Notice
It is likely that the AFL competition for 2006 will have to be
cancelled!
Under the new Anti-Terrorism Laws, the Bombers are banned.
The new Industrial Relations legislation rules out the Dockers.
The Asian flu epidemic is wreaking havoc with the Crows, Eagles, Hawks, Magpies, and Swans.
Any transfers to the Kangaroos, Cats, Lions, Dogs, and Tigers, must now be quarantined for at least 12 months.
Religious vilification laws mean that no-one can legally barrack for the Demons, or the Saints.
There are promises of Power failures in SA because of the states
reliance on the interconnectors from Victoria.
This only leaves the Blues, who no-one wants to barrack for anyway.
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| how about MissyM\'s grasp & command of the english language? ;) |
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| Trance Nutter |
| quote: | Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN
how about MissyM's grasp & command of the english language? ;) |
:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
\"Mum,\" he asked, \"are these my brains?\"
\"Not yet,\" she replied. |
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| Teflon_Teapot |
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this
one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male
bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can
achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5
minutes.
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| Anomyst |
Cuddles was an aged poodle, who got lost in a game reserve.
Wandering about, Cuddles notices a young virile leopard heading in her
direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh,
oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to
chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard
is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one
delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, terror
overcomes him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard,
"That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for
protection from the leopard in the future. So off he goes, but the old
poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that
something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills
the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,
monkey, hop on my back and I'll show you what's going to happen to that
conniving old canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming back with the monkey on his back
and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, Cuddles
sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't see them yet,
and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's
that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story: Bull and brilliance come only with age and
experience ..... so don't mess with the old ones |
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| 00soups00 |
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr."
"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully,
"They blow up so fast, don’t they?" |
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| Anomyst |
| quote: | Originally posted by 00soups00
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr."
"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully,
"They blow up so fast, don’t they?" |
hahahahahaha
Thats ing gold soups!!!!!!!
On the floor!!
/Blows up laughing. |
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| Dean Millson |
An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice," he says.
The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out the same glass either," he says.
The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and Kiwi.
He turns to the astonished barman and says, "In Austraalia we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
;) |
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| Anomyst |
Sorry for the email crap.... Cbf fixing it
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a
>>>>>>particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him
>>>>>>for
>>>a
>>>>>>couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet,
>>>>>>extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will
>>>>>>you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
>>>>>>"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
>>>>>>"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man
>>>asked.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.
>>>>>>"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
>>>>>>"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of
>>>food?"
>>>>>>the man asked.
>>>>>>"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf
>>>>>>in
20
years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district
instead
of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the
homeless
man.
>>>>>>"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money.
>>>>>>Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
>>>>>>The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with
>>>>>>you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting.
The man replied, "that's okay. It's important for her to see what
a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex." |
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| Trance Nutter |
A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and
orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a
sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the
bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes
flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in
Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas,
we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank
together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for
myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same
way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take
notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I
wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in
her eyes and she laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my
husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my sisters though." |
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