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Learn some new facts about my country
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| stren |
Military
The Polish military is well known for its elite hang glider, submarine and armoured divisions. However, the Polish ninja infantry is still relatively unknown despite their key roles in the assassinations of Adolf Hitler, JFK, Superman, Olivia Newton John Travolta and Marlon Brando (to name but a few). Regardless, most of the world's population tends to forget about Poland, a fact which George W. Bush has capitalized on several times.
People Who Have Not Forgotten Poland
* Adolf Hitler
* Joseph Stalin
* George Bush
* you
* Donald and Duck (during their fight for polish throne)
Language
The Polish language is an international oddity. It has only one phonetic unit to represent all 50 letters of their alphabet. This sound has been described by linguists as the sound made by a caribou as it is being devoured by a hungry lion in a dry bush. To date there is only one person on Earth who can properly speak the complex Polish language. In a cruel twist of irony, she is deaf and mute.
Other
Polish emigrants abroad in the USA are well known in the floor-care industry. This is generally attributed to a fortuitous event in 1979 when Jerzy Krosiñski answered a classified ad looking for "men to polish floors."
MORE HERE :
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Poland :haha: |
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| infinity HiGH |
CANADA
Canada is a variety of white wine. With a fragrant bouquet and a dry, mushy flavour, Canada is commonly purchased as a gift wine. It is attested to by some that the distinctive flavour of Canada is due to its high urea content, however the particular relationship is as yet unconfirmed. With the recent advent of olfactory automation, Canada has been genetically modified to appeal to the machine nose. While incredibly repulsive to the human sense, Canada is now one of the most pleasant indulgences of the mechanical set.
Canada is sometimes confused with the all consuming horde of parasitic insects of the same name (see Canada (Nation)). Efforts were underway to change the name of the state to something more fitting and unique, such as HappyLand, but the residents of Happy-land, South America debated their way to the UN to file a lawsuit against Canada copying their name. This change has created so many flame wars amongst Canadians that it is feared that the polar bears and dogsleds will soon need to relocate. Unfortunately, many Canadians are completely blind to the obvious fact that Toronto, as the most dilapidated part of the country (and the only part of the country that hasn't been overrun by the terrible menace of said parasitic insects), is soon to be destroyed by Queen arachnia, the spider witch.
MILITARY:
The Canadian military was founded in 1827 when Olie "The Goalie" Yannkin donated four horses, three canoes, and sixteen hockey pucks to what he dubbed as "The Great Northern Cause". The modern day Canadian military, attempting to catch up to the more sophisticated western powers now features over seven horses, eight canoes and well over 3000 hockey pucks.
funniest i've ever seen in a while...my stomach still hurts from all this. |
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| BTG |
canada:
btg lives there. |
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| LiveTheDream |
Huddersfield
From Uncyclopedia
Huddersfield, the capital of West Yorkshire and indeed the entire United Kingdom, was named by one Gerald Farmerly. Gerald Farmerly was a lowly man who had farmed the farm since before he was born and when, upon his 18h birthday he was given a plot of land to start a little farm of his own he decided to name it after his two main passions. Fields and udders. Over the millenia huddersfield developed into a thriving space port, due to its most famous inhabitant, jean luc picard. After being promoted to the position of World Capital (superceding Yemen, which sank) Huddersfield was invaded by rivaling town Wakefield, which wasn't nearly as good. The war raged for years, claiming many billions of lives until there were only two survivors. Bruce Campbell of Wakefield and Bill Bailey of Huddersfield. They met upon Castle hill and decided to settle it the Yorkshire way. Rock, paper, scissors. After a tense match full of clichés Huddersfield won. cementing their position as the most wonderful and super settlement in the history of Earth. |
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| insecurity |
AUSTRALIA
Australia is a magical, coffee-filled land located in the Great Big Billy Ocean. Pronounced 'Strai-ya', usually followed by a burp. It should also be noted, that 'Strai-ya' Is comprised 97% of white cheddar cheese.
:wtf: |
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Trance
From Uncyclopedia
* Psytrance (non ut bonus ut is adsuesco assuesco exsisto)
The Posford clan's population paste created the real trance we know and love today.
The music itself keeps on evolving since early 90's throughout the globe from Israel and India to Europe and America uniting cultures and bringing people more close to each other.
Good trance like Alien Project can make you "sex wee".
Trance music consists mainly of frequencies of sound which render the listener incapable of rational thought and causes their muscles to jerk randomly and spasmodically. This is known in "the scene" as "dancing".
There is a remarkable phenomenon in the gender breakdown of "the scene": it is roughly 50/50 male/female, unique among electronica subcultures. Many on the scene style themselves as pixies or faeries. Many others on the scene think this is load of old toss.
In very many cases the music is made by groups of upper class school boys who like to tweak each others knobs. |
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| LuNaSeA |
ahaahah quality!! i love the fact that anyone can edit the stuff on this site.. it's like Mad Libs..
SkyTrain
The SkyTrain is a mysterious vehicle system designed to randomly explode and cover its passengers with salmon semen. Sky Train is famous for being the most manual transist system ever created, and every train is controlled by 42 angry moose. |
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| lücid |
Wisconsin
Wisconsin is a Midwestern state best known for dairy, cows, dairy, cheese, beer, football and obsessive, hopeless, half-ghost romantics. (See also dairy and fat people.)
It's also known for being a Midwestern buffer state, keeping the much more intellectually adept Minnesota and Illinois from facing a huge border clash, hence the reasoning of this bumper sticker seen in St. Paul, Minnesota. Wisconsities are puzzled by the attitude expressed by this bumpersticker as they are not intellectually adept enough to figure out why Minnesotans cannot spell the fairly simple word "bordering".
Exports
As stated before, Wisconsin is famous for its dairy, which is its secondary export, the first and primary exports (past and present) being Moonshine and Butt Cleavage. Wisconsin is also noted for its Cheesium mines and and for being the leading producer of the phrase "You betcha!".
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| Basstard |
Belfast
From Uncyclopedia
A small fishing village on the east coast of the popular holiday resort known as Ulster, Belfast became the centre of controversy in 27A.D when sixteen million potatoes were smuggled in using a small shopping trolley and horse panto outfit from the local theatre.
However, this act was detected by the local police corps who proceeded to skin the potatoes, earning themselves the nickname 'peelers.' It was this controversial act that is considered the first volley of the 7 weeks war in which the Catholic inhabitants of Belfast battled the Proddy inhabitants over who was the more conservative. This war eventually ended in a stalemate after the Catholics kept getting slaughtered on the Sabbath ,when they refused to fight, and the Proddys were repeatedly massacred at 1 0' clock each day when they stopped for a spot of tea and scones.
To this day re-enactments of this ancient war are still conducted by well-meaning groups who give the kids something to do on a Friday night. These re-enactments are referred to as 'The Troubles' to avoid confusion with the sectarian violence that also permeates the City's consciousness. |
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| nchs09 |
Guatemala, located south of the border of the country south of the border, was almost the site of the now world-famous Panama Canal. However, due to difficulties encountered over the naming rights, it was considered easier by all to just give the thing to Panama, a slightly inferior but in any case much thinner country even more south.
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History
Growing out of the capital city, Guacemole, the populous state of 14 million people (known as Corn Chips, on account of going well with the capital) became independent from the Spanish in the early 19th century. Unfortunatly for Corn Chips at home and abroad, it promptly fell into a state of perpetual civil war, and at one point we had the sad situation of the Guacemole being at war with the Salsa, a battle of ages fought out to this day in livingrooms around the world.
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Government
Generally corrupt, incompetant and male. Occasionally corrupt, incompetant and female. |
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| dj_bas |
Egypt
Politics
Ægyptüs is ruled by an elected Pharaoh (President for Life). In a 1988 amendment to the Ægyptüsian constitution, the title of this position was altered to 'Pharaoh President Until Assassinated'. The President reports to a parliament, which is unique in being completely unelected. Anyone who happens to be in, or even near, the parliament chamber during sessions is entitled to vote. Main political parties represented include the 'Bewildered Tourist Party', the 'I Don't Know, I'm Just On My Way To Work Party' and the 'Don't Ask Me, Mate, I Just Wash The Windows Party'.
-- Camels - There are more camels in Egypt than women, which is why the men there are so angry
Economy
The Ægyptüsian economy is almost entirely dependent upon mummy-power. Mummies run (or rather lurch) in the treadmills that power the factories. They pull the ploughs that till the fields. Their scary mummy powers of walking slowly and making 'rragh!' noises helps defend Ægyptüs's borders from hostile forces.
During the Mummy Shortage of '94, Ægyptüs's economy was devastated. The World Bank estimated that Ægyptüs's unemployment rate was 99.9999999999999%. This rocketed to 100% once the World Bank closed it's Ægyptüs office. However, with the invention of synthetic mummies in 1996, the Ægyptüsian economy has returned to being a world powerhouse.
Egypt was the first country to discover malt liquorÆgyptüs now is the main exporter of three vital products:
-- Cotton - Ægyptüsian cotton is brollic in that it never, ever, ever gets dirty or tears or gets wet. this stuff is gangsta beyond a reasonable doubt, bitches.
-- Beer and Malt liquor - It'll get you drunk. you'll be shagging fat chicks in no time. You might even fight with someone, and possibly get your ass beat down.
-- Muscles - Ægyptüs is the world's third largest producer of biceps, quadriceps, and trapeziuses.
-- Crunk - There is more crunk per capita than anyplace else in the world. Ægyptüsian crunk is crap compared to filipino crunk |
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